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Messages - hubay

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Reading Excuses / Re: July 26 - Hubay - Fathers of Gods, Prologue
« on: July 29, 2010, 08:57:24 PM »
Thanks for all the feedback so far. It probably would be a good idea to condense some of the introductory events, or conversely add more meat so that the time doesn't fly past as quickly. I'll probably wait to see how the rest of the book feels so I can get a better idea of what kind of tone I need for the prologue.

I should probably mention that none of these characters will be coming back; Cumo's the star of the show and I just wanted to show how he was born and smuggled to Shipolitae. I'm not sure if that would change the way the prologue reads or not – what do you guys think? Again, I probably will need to check back on it in the context of the entire book before I can know for sure what I should do.

Books / Re: What are you reading, part 3
« on: July 28, 2010, 03:33:56 AM »
Aw, I saw the word "feed" and thought you were talking about M Anderson's dystopian book from a while back. Got me all nostalgic/excited, though I've heard Grant's is good too.

I'm currently trying this thing where I read a classic for every new fantasy book I pick up. So I'm combo-ing China Mieville's Kraken with Dorian Grey.

Reading Excuses / July 26 - Hubay - Fathers of Gods, Prologue
« on: July 26, 2010, 04:42:14 PM »
Well hey there, this is Hubay / Dylan, trying this out for the first time. Sorry its a little lengthy, but I figured (well, silk did, really) that it would be be best to keep it all together. Thanks for reading!

Fathers of Gods, Prologue

6100 words, SL (V and D in later chapters)

Overall summary

Every year less than a hundred Polaesi are born, and when they turn eighteen they can bend reality to their will and are worshiped as gods – but when they turn nineteen they die. Now one Polaesi has broken the cycle and can live past his appointed time. While attempting to survive a budding war with a rival religion, he must also fight against jealousy and ambition within his own sect.

Chapter summary

The proglogue deals with the birth of my protagonist, Cumo. Told from the perspective of Cumo's father, it shows his flight out of a city that wants to kill his son as soon as he's born.

Reading Excuses / Re: Email List + Submission Dates
« on: July 24, 2010, 12:00:38 AM »
Yeah that shouldn't be too hard. I'll just play it safe and split it, then – assuming I'm on the list, of course.

Reading Excuses / Re: Email List + Submission Dates
« on: July 23, 2010, 11:43:30 PM »
I'm looking to throw my prologue into the mix, if there's room. It's a tad long though, running something like 9k words – would you guys rather I submit it in halves?

Reading Excuses / Re: July 19 - Daddy Warpig - When Gods War, Chap 1
« on: July 19, 2010, 07:01:41 PM »
I think I agree with most of the first comments, especially that it took him a while to realize he'd finished digging.

A few thoughts on voice:  there's a definite poetic sound to your writing, and I think it works well with the style you seem to be going for in your introduction. However, you have a lot of "two-beat" sentences. You'll have two clauses to a sentence, with the first almost always the dominant and the second acting as a descriptor or modifier (my grammar terminology is probably off, so bear with me). Here's a few examples:

He awoke under the pillar /and the sun was high and hot.
His throat was dry /and a great pain tore at his head.
He tried to stand, /but his leg was trapped.
He couldn’t feel it, /he hoped it wasn’t broken
He awoke by a fire, /dirty and wet.
He lay on his back, /staring up at a night sky gone almost wholly dark.
The pain in his skull had receded/ and his thoughts were mostly clear.
His body was sore and stiff, /and he felt a great hunger.

It sort of works with the poetic tone, because it gives a rhythm to your prose, but it also makes the writing monotonous – especially when they all start with "he." Maybe that was intentional style choice, but when an entire paragraph has the same sentence structure, it starts to get a little jarring.

Nitpicky, I know, but something to keep in mind for the next few chapters.

Dan Wells / Re: Buy Dan Bacon?
« on: July 18, 2010, 09:17:52 AM »
Bacon vodka - alright in and of itself, but EXCELLENT marinade for steak

Reading Excuses / Re: Your Background
« on: July 14, 2010, 06:56:07 AM »
Hey there, you can call be hubay, if you want. I'm a junior advertising major at Marquette in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. I've been trying to get as much writing done over the summer as possible, since my schedule will get pretty hectic come september. I'm having trouble staying on track though, so I'm hoping this helps my productivity.

The novel I'm writing is secondary world  fiction that I've tentatively titled Fathers of God, but we'll see if that sticks. I'm fascinated with the ancient to medieval middle east - not that I'm remotely middle eastern myself - and it shows in my writitng. I'm less interested in the sort of "arabian nights" style of story so much as the older myths of the semetic peoples. I'm also intrigued by early gunpowder warfare, so when that all combos together you get a world influenced pretty heavily by the ottoman empire.

I enjoy writing about politics more than straight warfare, though war definitely takes a prominent role in my stories. I spend more time working on the causes of war - when it's more than mere aggression - than the war itself. Anyways, I'm about  17,000 word into my novel but a lot of that isn't connected. I'm looking to start churning out words on a regular basis, and maybe improve my critical eye along the way.

Edit: After perusing the forums for a little while, I realized that the name for god in my book is EUOL (variant on judaic El) Don't tell Mr. Sanderson.

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