Timewaster's Guide Archive

Ves seemed to be more of an insane person than just a controlling boss. I don't know if that's what you were going for, but that's what I got.

Foil is good, and most of its techniques are somewhat similar to rapier techniques. I say somewhat for a reason. They are still very different weapons. If you're fencing as part of some sort of group, you should be able to convince somebody to show you saber and epee. Those will give you a good start, but remember that fencing is a sport a couple hundred years removed from actual sword fighting. The rules observed are for safety and ease of scoring, but you should be able to adapt the techniques across. Write what you know.

Note that many films have excellent sword fighting scenes that are accurate. I was going to use an example, but I can't remember the film it's from. A guy with a rapier fights somebody with a larger sword (A claymore? It's been too long since I've seen it.) and scores over and over again. When the killing blow is about to be inflicted, the big sword guy grabs the blade of the rapier and pwns the rapier bloke with his massive sword in one hit. Anybody remember that one?

"Crystalheart" is a fine title IMO. Once I read more a better title could crop up.

I agree with M. The story has potential. It could go many places, and all of them have promise.

The descriptions were a bit sparse in areas. About 50% of the time the descriptions were great, but there were spots that broke my flow when I got a sudden revelation. eg.

Less than two minutes and his temper was already fraying. Not good."

I had no indication that Ves was building up a temper. It seemed rather off/on to me instead of a buildup.

I don't see how Aermyst could have taken off his gloves while hanging from a ledge. That he looked across his arm to Dantes indicates to me that they're still climbing at that point.

The sword fight was a bit impossible to me. I've trained with swords. Eastern and Western, blades from 16" to 36", weights from 5 lbs to 30 lbs. If one guy has a broadsword or scimitar and the other has (what sounded like) a rapier (the descriptor "flexible" made me think of a rapier, but it could have been a jian or a katana in retrospect), the guy with the lighter sword will be dodging, not blocking, and scoring more hits. Especially if the speed difference is as great as you say between Dantes and Aermyst.
A minor mistake that jumped at me was a blade being "bared" in the middle of the fight. The sheaths were already off. I liked the alliteration, so a replacement with another b-word would be nice.
This would be a good place to do the prompt that Howard gave in S1E24. Also, I would like to see more sensory info from Aermyst. The "whoosh" of a massive blade as opposed to the whipping sound a thinner and less deep blade would make. A fight is very much about sensory overload. With weapons this effect increases because the stakes are higher.

Write a scene in which a character is performing an activity about which you know nothing. Pick an activity about which you know nothing, go to Wikipedia and read up on it, and then write the scene.

I'd go so far as to tell you to go out and learn how to use swords, but I'm crazy like that. I'm sure if you have a local branch of ARMA they will be able to show you some good Western stuff, and most martial arts schools I've been to wouldn't be opposed to demonstrating various weapon techniques for you.

The formal greetings are a good concept, but they seemed very much like the normal speech of the characters at times. The part where you say that it's a ceremony is especially lacking in ceremonial sounding language.

I really liked the fear they had for the Sacremency. Sounds accurate to what people would feel toward a school of supermen.

These are my opinions, and I understand we're going no holds barred here, so I didn't mince words. Now is the time I say that I really did enjoy reading this section. It flowed well for the most part and the world is intriguing as are the characters. The magic system is definitely a strong point. I would read this book to the end for sure just because of the promises this excerpt gives.

I crashed through the thin bacon window atop the church, shards of delicious paper-thin meat falling with me as I plummeted earthward. The rope zipped hotly through my hand as I fell. As I neared the floor, I slowed my descent with my heels. To my surprise, there were people already gathered in the room. So my dramatic entrance was not wasted! Excellent.

I stopped two feet off the ground and dropped to the floor, giving enough time for the surprised occupants of the room to look up after the shower of bacon. I straightened my coat and removed my hat and gloves, tucking them under my left arm as I looked around the room. It seemed that most of the guest were here already. Nothing like punctual friends, I thought. Extremely drunk accountants excluded, of course. Of course. Nobody in their right mind would attend a wedding that wasn't their own, and I wasn't even sure about that condition.

I dunno. To me, first person is a better gauge of someone's ability in writing than third. Lots of people can throw down a convincing third. First is much harder (to me). Of course, I've heard others say the opposite. Opinions. Who needs 'em?

Haha! I'm on a ska kick now. "Shame and Scandal" by Madness is just hilarious!

Sarcasm? I'm unfamiliar with the term. Perhaps it is a corruption of Latin sor and chasma? I am uncertain what a deep rift has to do with our discussion. Was she being rude and trying to end this conversation by becoming a deep rift, thereby spreading our posts and us as a group further apart? I must find out more about this sorchasmal paradox. It has split my mind. On one side I believe you are actually talking about tearing off my flesh, but on the other I just think that there's a separation between us.

I say we submit in webdings. It's a code unbreakable by even the most knowledgeable security expert.

*ahem*ctrl+A, change font size...

Dox: Liev Schreiber

Looking through his pictures on IMDB, I saw the perfect Spook!