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Books / Re: Are Star Wars books worth reading?
« on: January 10, 2011, 03:17:54 AM »
I'll echo what has already been said by a few: the SW books written by Timothy Zahn are really good... that's about it.
-papaholmz
-papaholmz
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"Magic is what makes fantasy fantastic," someone says, "you can't apply rules to them or else it loses wonder!" I respond, "Sure, but if you want to write them you will certainly want to know how they work." Writing is all about execution, and I find applying some basic laws of physics to magic systems make them more understandable and realistic. Here, I'm going to outline my basic method for developing a magic system.
Column by Chaos2651
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Brandon Sanderson / Re: Recommend a book
« on: December 24, 2010, 02:46:13 AM »
I'll put in a strong recommendation for The Black Company series by Glen Cook. Very different from Sanderson, Jordan, or Martin but VERY well worth a read; they are excellent books.
3
Writing Group / Brandon's Dialogue Challenge
« on: December 20, 2010, 05:20:24 AM »
Title: The Purgatory Incident
“Next!”
“Yes, hello; I’m next.”
“Name?”
“Kára.”
“Age?”
“732.”
“Previous occupation?”
“Valkyrie.”
“Wow! No kidding, a Valkyrie?”
“Yes.”
“We’ve never had a Valkyrie come through here before. Witches, Trolls, and Vampires sure, but never a Valkyrie.”
“I’d imagine not.”
“‘Kára’ doesn’t sound like a Valkyrie name.”
“I know.”
“Most Valkyries have awful names like Brynhildr or Geirdriful.”
“I’m lucky. I was born during that whole ‘the-gods-are-dead’ era when traditional Valkyrie baby names were out of style.”
“You don’t look like a Valkyrie.”
“Now what’s that supposed to mean?”
“No, no, don’t get me wrong, you’re very beautiful and all-”
“Thank you!”
“But… where are your wings?”
“My wings were repo’d when my employment was terminated. Want to see the scars?”
“I’ll pass. Say, how exactly does a Valkyrie become unemployed anyway?”
“It’s a long story.”
“Well I’m working a double and this line isn’t getting any shorter.”
“All right. Are you familiar with Valhalla?”
“Yes, of course. Who isn’t?”
“Well, as a Valkyrie it’s my job to decide who will die in battle and then to usher them to Valhalla.”
“How do you choose?”
“Very carefully.”
“Did you have to go through Valkyrie training?”
“Yes.”
“Was it hard?”
“It wasn’t too bad. The worst part was the long list of ‘death criteria’ I had to memorize.”
“How long?”
“Long enough to fill six volumes.”
“How do you remember it all?”
“With today’s technology it’s actually pretty easy. I recently bought an app for my scryPhone called iReaper Pro that has all sorts of info on death, including a section specifically for Valkyries.”
“I’ve seen that app in the appstore before but never knew who would use such a thing.”
“It’s very popular with Valkyries, Sirens, and a few Vampires. And I’m pretty sure Lucifer and Grim even use it.”
“I had no idea!”
“Plus, the app helps keep me mobile. I mean, you never know when a battle is going to crop up halfway across the world with no time to pack six volumes of ‘death criteria.’”
“Especially in our fast paced society.”
“My point exactly!”
“But wait, I thought Valkyries only worked Scandinavian battlefields. There hasn’t been a battle in Scandinavia for decades; is that why you lost your job?”
“No; eventually Odin got tired of paying us just to serve mead to the Einherjar at Valhalla so he contracted us out to the Pope.”
“Is that legal?”
“Apparently it is.”
“What did the Pope need with Valkyries?”
“With all the scandals the Catholic Church has had recently the Angels are tied up running supernatural interference with the media.”
“I bet that’s a full time job.”
“It is, so the Pope contracted us to usher any Catholics who die on the battlefield into Heaven.”
“But don’t some Catholics have to go to Purgatory before they’re allowed into Heaven?”
“Yes. In fact, that’s where all my troubles began.”
“This is going to be interesting.”
“Last week I was at Venus Nails getting my nails done, black of course, when the message came through: ‘URGENT: Incident in North Korea.’”
“North Korea?”
“That’s what I thought! As far as I knew, none of the Catholic nations had any current military operations in North Korea. So I called dispatch to make sure it wasn’t a mistake.”
“Was it?”
“As it turned out it wasn’t. The Vatican had recently sent one of its most highly trained priests to work with a U.S. Navy SEAL Team in North Korea, strictly unofficial of course.”
“What were they doing?”
“They were sent to perform an exorcism on Kim Jong-il.”
“Holy crap! Is that what’s wrong with the guy?”
“Once the SEAL Team had infiltrated Kim’s compound it didn’t take long for the priest to conclude that Kim was, in fact, not possessed.”
“Bummer. That would have been an easy fix.”
“As the SEAL Team was withdrawing, one of Kim’s personal guards spotted the priest and opened fire.”
“I knew it was going to be the priest! What did you do? Accidentally send him to Purgatory?”
“Actually, one of the SEALs, Lt. Stevens, who happened to be a Catholic, took the bullet for the priest.”
“And that’s when you were called in?”
“Yes.”
“How did you know where to take him?”
“Remember that app I was telling you about, iReaper pro?”
“Yes.”
“Well, it also has a section for Angels where they can send requests to St. Peter for real time information on where a specific soul should be taken upon death.”
“That’s handy.”
“I sent my request as soon as Stevens passed away and the answer came back almost immediately: ‘PURGATORY.’”
“I’m guessing that was incorrect.”
“The trouble started when we got to Purgatory and the gatekeeper said Stevens wasn’t on the list.”
“That doesn’t sound so bad; I can think of worse lists to be left off of.”
“It wasn’t until I produced St. Peter’s iReaper response that the gatekeeper begrudgingly let Stevens in.”
“Problem solved!”
“Not even close!”
“What do you mean?”
“My assignment completed, I went back to Venus Nails to finish my manicure; I was barely done and out the door when the message came through: ‘URGENT: Report to Valhalla; Odin and the Pope are waiting.’”
“That sounds bad.”
“Odin isn’t known for hanging out with the Pope or for recalling Valkyries just to shoot the breeze; I was worried.”
“What did they want?”
“Apparently Stevens was supposed to go to Heaven and not Purgatory.”
“But I thought St. Peter told you to take Stevens to Purgatory?”
“He did.”
“So what happened?”
“Originally, Stevens was all set to go to Purgatory, but when he died the priest said a quick prayer that essentially gave Stevens a ‘Get Out Of Purgatory Free Card.’”
“So it was St. Peter who made the mistake?”
“Yes. My sources tell me that St. Peter is always backlogged with prayers; sometimes it even takes days before a prayer gets filed.”
“You shouldn’t be held responsible for St. Peter’s mistake!”
“That’s what I said. But who’s the Pope going to listen to? St. Peter, the keeper of the keys of Heaven or Kára, the Valkyrie on loan from Odin?”
“Couldn’t St. Peter just get Stevens transfered to Heaven?
“You’d think so. But apparently there’s a minimum five year holding period before a transfer is allowed.”
“Well that thoroughly sucks!”
“So here I am looking for a job.”
“Well, it’s very nice to meet you Kára. My name is Albert, by the way.”
“It’s nice to meet you too, Albert.”
“So Kára, what kind of job are you looking for?”
“Anything that doesn’t involve Angels, death, gods, Heaven, the Pope, Purgatory, Valhalla, Vampires, or Witches. And I can’t get along with Sirens no matter how hard I try. Also, I prefer not to work with Demons; they’re always hitting on me.”
“Next!”
“Yes, hello; I’m next.”
“Name?”
“Kára.”
“Age?”
“732.”
“Previous occupation?”
“Valkyrie.”
“Wow! No kidding, a Valkyrie?”
“Yes.”
“We’ve never had a Valkyrie come through here before. Witches, Trolls, and Vampires sure, but never a Valkyrie.”
“I’d imagine not.”
“‘Kára’ doesn’t sound like a Valkyrie name.”
“I know.”
“Most Valkyries have awful names like Brynhildr or Geirdriful.”
“I’m lucky. I was born during that whole ‘the-gods-are-dead’ era when traditional Valkyrie baby names were out of style.”
“You don’t look like a Valkyrie.”
“Now what’s that supposed to mean?”
“No, no, don’t get me wrong, you’re very beautiful and all-”
“Thank you!”
“But… where are your wings?”
“My wings were repo’d when my employment was terminated. Want to see the scars?”
“I’ll pass. Say, how exactly does a Valkyrie become unemployed anyway?”
“It’s a long story.”
“Well I’m working a double and this line isn’t getting any shorter.”
“All right. Are you familiar with Valhalla?”
“Yes, of course. Who isn’t?”
“Well, as a Valkyrie it’s my job to decide who will die in battle and then to usher them to Valhalla.”
“How do you choose?”
“Very carefully.”
“Did you have to go through Valkyrie training?”
“Yes.”
“Was it hard?”
“It wasn’t too bad. The worst part was the long list of ‘death criteria’ I had to memorize.”
“How long?”
“Long enough to fill six volumes.”
“How do you remember it all?”
“With today’s technology it’s actually pretty easy. I recently bought an app for my scryPhone called iReaper Pro that has all sorts of info on death, including a section specifically for Valkyries.”
“I’ve seen that app in the appstore before but never knew who would use such a thing.”
“It’s very popular with Valkyries, Sirens, and a few Vampires. And I’m pretty sure Lucifer and Grim even use it.”
“I had no idea!”
“Plus, the app helps keep me mobile. I mean, you never know when a battle is going to crop up halfway across the world with no time to pack six volumes of ‘death criteria.’”
“Especially in our fast paced society.”
“My point exactly!”
“But wait, I thought Valkyries only worked Scandinavian battlefields. There hasn’t been a battle in Scandinavia for decades; is that why you lost your job?”
“No; eventually Odin got tired of paying us just to serve mead to the Einherjar at Valhalla so he contracted us out to the Pope.”
“Is that legal?”
“Apparently it is.”
“What did the Pope need with Valkyries?”
“With all the scandals the Catholic Church has had recently the Angels are tied up running supernatural interference with the media.”
“I bet that’s a full time job.”
“It is, so the Pope contracted us to usher any Catholics who die on the battlefield into Heaven.”
“But don’t some Catholics have to go to Purgatory before they’re allowed into Heaven?”
“Yes. In fact, that’s where all my troubles began.”
“This is going to be interesting.”
“Last week I was at Venus Nails getting my nails done, black of course, when the message came through: ‘URGENT: Incident in North Korea.’”
“North Korea?”
“That’s what I thought! As far as I knew, none of the Catholic nations had any current military operations in North Korea. So I called dispatch to make sure it wasn’t a mistake.”
“Was it?”
“As it turned out it wasn’t. The Vatican had recently sent one of its most highly trained priests to work with a U.S. Navy SEAL Team in North Korea, strictly unofficial of course.”
“What were they doing?”
“They were sent to perform an exorcism on Kim Jong-il.”
“Holy crap! Is that what’s wrong with the guy?”
“Once the SEAL Team had infiltrated Kim’s compound it didn’t take long for the priest to conclude that Kim was, in fact, not possessed.”
“Bummer. That would have been an easy fix.”
“As the SEAL Team was withdrawing, one of Kim’s personal guards spotted the priest and opened fire.”
“I knew it was going to be the priest! What did you do? Accidentally send him to Purgatory?”
“Actually, one of the SEALs, Lt. Stevens, who happened to be a Catholic, took the bullet for the priest.”
“And that’s when you were called in?”
“Yes.”
“How did you know where to take him?”
“Remember that app I was telling you about, iReaper pro?”
“Yes.”
“Well, it also has a section for Angels where they can send requests to St. Peter for real time information on where a specific soul should be taken upon death.”
“That’s handy.”
“I sent my request as soon as Stevens passed away and the answer came back almost immediately: ‘PURGATORY.’”
“I’m guessing that was incorrect.”
“The trouble started when we got to Purgatory and the gatekeeper said Stevens wasn’t on the list.”
“That doesn’t sound so bad; I can think of worse lists to be left off of.”
“It wasn’t until I produced St. Peter’s iReaper response that the gatekeeper begrudgingly let Stevens in.”
“Problem solved!”
“Not even close!”
“What do you mean?”
“My assignment completed, I went back to Venus Nails to finish my manicure; I was barely done and out the door when the message came through: ‘URGENT: Report to Valhalla; Odin and the Pope are waiting.’”
“That sounds bad.”
“Odin isn’t known for hanging out with the Pope or for recalling Valkyries just to shoot the breeze; I was worried.”
“What did they want?”
“Apparently Stevens was supposed to go to Heaven and not Purgatory.”
“But I thought St. Peter told you to take Stevens to Purgatory?”
“He did.”
“So what happened?”
“Originally, Stevens was all set to go to Purgatory, but when he died the priest said a quick prayer that essentially gave Stevens a ‘Get Out Of Purgatory Free Card.’”
“So it was St. Peter who made the mistake?”
“Yes. My sources tell me that St. Peter is always backlogged with prayers; sometimes it even takes days before a prayer gets filed.”
“You shouldn’t be held responsible for St. Peter’s mistake!”
“That’s what I said. But who’s the Pope going to listen to? St. Peter, the keeper of the keys of Heaven or Kára, the Valkyrie on loan from Odin?”
“Couldn’t St. Peter just get Stevens transfered to Heaven?
“You’d think so. But apparently there’s a minimum five year holding period before a transfer is allowed.”
“Well that thoroughly sucks!”
“So here I am looking for a job.”
“Well, it’s very nice to meet you Kára. My name is Albert, by the way.”
“It’s nice to meet you too, Albert.”
“So Kára, what kind of job are you looking for?”
“Anything that doesn’t involve Angels, death, gods, Heaven, the Pope, Purgatory, Valhalla, Vampires, or Witches. And I can’t get along with Sirens no matter how hard I try. Also, I prefer not to work with Demons; they’re always hitting on me.”
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