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Messages - filoph94

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Writing Group / Re: Is this any good?
« on: March 11, 2010, 09:35:22 PM »
Here is a bit more detailed outline.


Cyrvin is in yet another battle against the rebels known as the Childrin of Hentril. The Children claim that King Empricum has opressed them for too long, due to their supposed racial inferiority. The Children are mostly Breiks,people who areusually shorter, but stockier than the Luthans, the natives of the kingdom of Luthangsta (pronounced Looth-ong-stah). The King actually has no prejudice against their people, but the Gods order him to keep them to the slums, and only providing them with meager sustanance and extremely low paying jobs. Cyrvin has been in many battles where the Breiks outnumber the Luthans by at least three to one, but  the Luthans always prevail. This time,  Cyrvin realizes that they are losing the battle, due to the Breiks outnumbering the Luthans by at least eight to one. The unskilled Breiks fall easily to the hard trained Luthan soldiers, but their numbers prove to level the playing field. It comes down to a small group of Luthans, and a small, but slightly larger, group of Breiks. As the Breiks charge, the Luthans prepare. The Breiks breach their defenses. Cyrvin, who is near the front of the lines, is surrounded by Breiks. As several close in to kill him, he fights two at once, slaying both, but a third slashes at his leg, sending him to the ground. As the Breik rasies his crude, jagged sword to deliver the final blow, Cyrvin feels the elements around him. This is odd, because only Gods have been able to feel elements before this, let alone manipulate them. Cyrvin instinctively acts, launching a small chunk of hard stone at the Breiks face. Crushing the mans jaw, he falls to the ground, screaming. Cyrvin scrambles over to him, and impales his swordinto his chest. By then, the Luthans had pushed through the Breik forces to Cyrvin. Evacuated to the hospital tent, he thinks about what had just happened, and is greatful that no Luthan had seen his acts. A week later, back in the Luthan capital of Epohin, he is spending time with his lover, Mayth Ontr. He plans to marry hr, but cannot summon to courage to propose, which, in Luthan customs, requires him to hunt and slay a dangerous animal called the Tranath. The Tranath is similar to what a cross between a deer and a elephant would be, growing to be at least twelve feet tall, with large horns, tusks, and spines on its sides. Cyrvin eventually goes after one, traveling several hours to their usualy grazing areas. Cyrvin succeeds in killing a Tranath, using his powers with some difficulty. He cuts off the horns and tusks of the animal, cleans and polishes them, and presents them to Mayth. She accepts, and they plan their marriage to be in several weeks. Unbeknownst to Cyrvin, a wanderer sees him usehis powers to slay the beast, and spreads the word. Soon, the whole city knows of a man that is able to use abilities only Gods were supposed to be able to use. Luckily, the wanderer did not know who Cyrvin was, and was too far away to see what he looked like. Eventually, the news is heard by the Lordraemos, Gods of Asru’Na. They believe that they should be the only ones able touse their powers, and plan to kill Cyrvin. They eventually find Cyrvins home, but he is not there when they come. Mayth,however, was. They kill her because she would not tell them where Cyrvin was, and leave a note ordering Cyrvin to turn himself in, or more people close to him will meet the same fate as his fiance. Cyrvin had returned home from his mothers house in a nearby city. His mother, thinking it was time to tell him, confessed that he was a child born from his father, a Lordraemos, raping his mother.  On his day long journey back home, he vows to kill his father. But, coming home to his dead fiances body, and the note of warning, he becomes dedicated to kill all the gods, starting with his father.  He petitons to the king to attempt to stop the civil war, and join with the Children of Hentril to fight against the gods, convincing them that the gods had no right to opress them. Cyrvin, who had to reveal his powers to the king to even get the chance to talk to him, is given the rank of General of the Combined Forces, making thehim the leader of all military forces fighting against the Lordraemos. The Combined Forces wage an all out war on the Lordraemos. The gods army of demi gods, or Undergods, is very small compared to the combined forces, but their superior physical prowess and skill with weapons proves to be too much for many soldiers. Eventually, the Combined Forces learn tactics to use against the Undergods. At first, before knowing that the Undergods can easily slay four or five soldiers at once, they attack the demi gods with too few soldiers at once. But they learn to group together in squads of twelve, each squad going from single Undergod to another, slpwly chisling away at their numbers. After severalmonths o fighting, the rebel leader and King Empricum decide to surrender and return to the oppression, deciding a hard life is better than none at all. Cyrvin,inuriated, challenges the King to a duel to the death. In Luthan customs, if one of proper stature challenges someone, the challenged one must accept. He winner gains the others title, while keeping his own. He does this for two reasons, one, so he can control the army, and two, the kingdom, all to get revenge on the gods. Cyrvin easily wins, quickly killing the king using his godly powers. Now king and general, he orders the Children of Hentril to keep fighting alongside the Luthans. Disgruntled they may be, but they obey. Cyrvin eventually marches his entire army, save for a few elite groups, to Highcrest, the coty of the gods. Laying siege to the city, the Luthans almost decimate the Undeergods. But before the battle is won, the Lordraemos themselves enter the battle easily slaying every soldier under Cyrvins command. They capture him, accusing him of blasphemy, and war crimes against the gods. They sentence him to life in their dungeons. The gods think that a prolonged death is worse than execution. After two years,in which Cyrvin practices and hones his powers, he is rescued by his most elite force. Hiding away in the gods own city under the alias Usin Drenii, he takes up small jobs to make a living, renting a room in a small house to live in. He tries to keep his powers hidden by only using them in a place that he thought only he knew of, but one day while practicing, a drunk beggar sees him, and runs off. Now knowing that the gods would eventually find him, he decides to act first. He storms the palace of the gods, using his now incredible powers to fight through the several dozen Undergod guards spread between five floors. Exhausted, and having sustained wounds of his own, he stumbles into the councilchamber of the gods. They are there waiting for him, knowing he can do no more. His father steps forward, now High Lordraemos, and revelas his identity. He deals the final blow to Cyrvin, a shard of steel through his side. As Cyrvin lies dying on the floor, his father kneels down and talks about how he ravaged his mother, and how she screamed and fought, about how he could feel her pain. Using this, and his dead fiance as motivation, he lunges forward and to the side, using the metal spike in his side to impale his father in his side. The Lordraemos were only immortalbecause they could not die from age, but poison, sword, arrrows, etc, could kill them. As they lean against each other, Cyrvin and his father die.

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Writing Group / Re: Ideas for a name
« on: March 10, 2010, 05:18:49 PM »
Oh, Im sorry. Ill make sure to take that into account.

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Writing Group / Re: Creative Ways to Kill a Character
« on: March 10, 2010, 07:29:06 AM »
OOh! Use lye, so their head basically collapseson itself from the newfound lack of graymatter!

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Writing Group / Re: Ideas for a name
« on: March 10, 2010, 07:26:25 AM »
Thread necromancy?

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Writing Group / Re: Is this any good?
« on: March 10, 2010, 02:05:47 AM »
By the way,I apologize for any typos, I have a broken hand in a giant cast, so typing isnt the easiet thing for me right now.

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Writing Group / Re: Is this any good?
« on: March 10, 2010, 01:50:50 AM »
dranatis personae as of yet
Main character- Cyrvin d’Malree
Main characters Father- Tisden Boldlion, Lordraemos of Bravery.
Cyrvins lover- Mayth Ontr
King of Luthangsta- King Empricum the Third
Children of Hentril leader- Pthalon Jakom
Cyrvins childhood friend- Feilof Rwendell
Cyrvins Mother- Keliva d’Malree

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Writing Group / Re: Is this any good?
« on: March 10, 2010, 01:29:12 AM »
By the way, the elements arent the cliche earth, fire, wind and water. They are wood, metal, flesh, and soul, which the people of Asru'Na believe are the building blocks of all things. But, controlling metalalso lets  one control earth,IF there is an abndance of ores present. Or one using wood may create fire, IF there is a source of heat, however small, that they can manipuate the wood into abosorbing.

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Writing Group / Is this any good?
« on: March 10, 2010, 01:17:51 AM »
This is the most basic outlin I have for my novel. if you would,please read it. any and alladvice is areciated. I do have a more detailed outline on the way, but I just want to know if my idea is any good.



Basic outline of Emergence


He setting is the world of Asru’Na, in a fuedal country. The country is in a civil war between the rightul King, and a group of rebels that claim they have been oppressed for too long, when it was the gods who were oppressing. The story follows a soldier in the Kings army, who soon finds out he can maipulate the elements of Asru’Na to do his bidding, a common ability amongst  the several Gods, or Lordraemos. The Lordraemos hear wind of this, and are afraid that the human will abuse his powers. Seeking him out, they kill his lover, whohe plans to marry. Wanting revenge, he convinces the King, and the rebels to work together to try to overthrow the Lordraemos.The main character was told that his father died years ago, but actually his father is one of the Lordraemos, who raped his mother.  Once he discovers this, he is now bent on not only overthrowing the gods, but killing them, starting with his father. After a while, the main character loses somepower in the force against the gods. Determined to succeed, he kills the king, becoming king himself  due to customs of his country, and kills the rebel leader, subjugating them into his army. Now, with the power over all military assets of the country, he wages an allout war on the gods, slowly carving away at their small, but incredibly skilled army of demi gods. Eventually, with his own army dwindled,and all but the most skilled demi gods were left, he lays siege to the city of the gods. Both armies fight valiantly, the gods eventually triumphing over the humans, only because they themselves come out to aid their soldiers. The main character is captured, and tried for his blasphemous crimes. Sentenced to rot in a cell, he is held there for two years before being rescued by his most elite, and loyal force of soldiers. Escaping, he hides in the gods own city under an alias, and abstains from using his powers, lest he be found. Eventually growing tired of living a lie, he himself assaults the gods palace, knowing he will most likely die in the process, but only wanted to get revenge on his father before being struck down. He fights through the palaces demigod  guards, exhausting him in the process. By the time he reaches the gods, he can barely walk, wounds and fatigue slowing him down. Reaching the council chamber o the gods, he stumbles in. The gods were there waiting for him. HAss he collapses on the floor from exhaustion, his father, now High lordraemos,or king of the gods,steps forth, and reveals who he is. His father walks over to him, and deals a mortalblowto the main character. Before the main character dies, his father kneels down next to him and tells him how his mother screamed andcried as he ravaged her. Out of anger, using his mother, and dead fiance as motivation, he lunges forward, stabbing his sword clean through his fathers heart. They lean against each other, and die together.



Like  i said, this is the most basic outline I made. I.

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Writing Group / Re: Ideas for a name
« on: March 10, 2010, 01:02:06 AM »
Well,if youwant to go into historical names,there are the Roughriders. Also, valkyries is agood one.(I think that is how it is spelled). corsairs, harpys...thats allI have right now

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Writing Group / Re: Creative Ways to Kill a Character
« on: March 10, 2010, 12:52:25 AM »
I got one. Its called the burning. you hang someone by their wrists. Get a blowtorch, and slowly, over months, if not years,burn off miniscule amounts of flesh and bone, working your way up from the feet to the torso

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Writing Group / Re: I need ugly sounds!
« on: March 10, 2010, 12:48:43 AM »
The ugliest sound I have ever heard was my friends nose breaking. It was a mix between a crunch, wet soudning squish, and thnd

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Writing Group / Re: Any tips I could use in writing my novel?
« on: March 10, 2010, 12:45:48 AM »
http://www.writingexcuses.com/

Just write it. Fix things later.
Thats what I have been doing. I just put pencil to paper today, well, figuritivley, I amtyping it. I wrote out a very basic synopsis of the novel. satisfied with my base, started to make a more detailed outline, but still very short,nto even two pages on microsoft word. It seems a lot easier to it this way, at least to me.

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With the Mercystar typos, if she's wearing orange OR yellow I'm pretty sure it's fine because doesn't Lightsong say those are both of her colors?
I believe so. At least, that ishow I remember it.

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Brandon Sanderson / Re: Ive met Brandon Sanderson
« on: March 10, 2010, 12:31:10 AM »
I have met Brandons Snaderson. And, no, it wasnt in a booksigning, or convention, it was when i worked at Broders Bookstore. He walked in,but before that, Ive had no idea who he was, o I just though he was another regular customer, until he came up to the counter with a large stack of books, some multiple copies. I said:Damn sir, shopping for your kids?" and he simply said "No, i wrote them". He gave me a copy of Elantris, not signed, then signed the books he had picked up. I read Elantris, and was fascinated. aqfter that, I bought all o the signed books of his,and have been trying to follow his work to the best of my ability, but it is difficult, being in Iraq. I am currently reading Warbreaker.

Where in Iraq are you? You can PM me. I am also in Iraq, and coincidentally am also reading Warbreaker. Small world... I will be reading Mistborn once my Kindle arrives.

Yes. A book is more likely to sell if it is signed, so writers often go in and sign books at any bookstore they pass, especially if it's an area they haven't been before. (Brandon doesn't do it near his house, but does when he's on tour, including airport bookstores.)

Most authors stop doing it once they're fairly well known, because it's a bit of a hassle.

It's probably along the same lines as why he has been posting his writing online on his website. He explained that providing an audience with a sample ends up selling more. I'm not going to break it down like he did Here, but suffice it to say something small like this can generate a lot of buzz via word of mouth. I've only read a few chapters of Warbreaker (the free copy from his site), but I know for sure I will be reading the entire Mistborn trilogy, and most likely all of the books in The Stormlight Archive series as well. Not to mention any future books he'll be producing.
ALl i can say about my whereabouts is that IM about an hour from Mosul.

Stay safe and keep your head down up there.
Thanksman, willdo

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Writing Group / Any tips I could use in writing my novel?
« on: March 09, 2010, 03:31:44 PM »
I have had an plot, setting, and dramatis personae of the novel I want to write, but everytime I try to write an outline, I get too far into details on what I plan to be a basic synopsis. Anyone have any tips on how to mitigate this? Also, I want to create a decent amount of lore for the novel, but have no idea on how to start it.

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