Oh good, I can actually start a story from the beginning
What Worked For Me:
* You've got really good, clean prose. You obviously have a good handle of the language and don't have issues with run-on sentences.
* You also have a gift for punchy last lines - the last line of the prologue and of chapter 1 were very good.
* You do a good job sneaking in Aric's thoughts. I particularly liked his comment about how he could "blame his
interrupted practice on the intruder" as well as when he noted Thomes reaction to finding land.
* I like that you've sketched out a dynamic between characters other than the main character (i.e. Pellis and Berart).
* While you did introduce a lot of characters, I did think you did a good job as to describing each just enough so I had a vague mental picture even after one chapter. (One exception was that both Derrick and Laudney share the "straight-laced navy man") mental image at the moment.
Some Points:
* Might want to try semicolons for the connected sentences in the first part of the prologue - you use them later on but the first part might benefit from that as well.
* Use of the "Oh!" exclamation twice in close succession in the prologue made me blink a bit.
* Granted medieval astronomy can be advanced - I'm assuming this is a medieval-style fantasy so if I'm wrong forgive me - but while they might know of planets, would even an archmage know of gas giants?
* The prologue was well written, but while it started out on a personal level which drew me in, the farther outward the narrator flew, the wider his view became, the more detached I too became as a reader. By the time it reached the comet, it began to feel to me like too much exposition.
* "Even with daily practice, it was hard to focus on "the moment" and not get distracted by outside happenings or thinking of other items of business." - this statement struck me as a bit vague. "happenings" "items of business" etc.
* "There was only one soft lamp lit, but he was already adjusted to the darkness of the cabin." - if he had his eyes closed for a substantial amount of time, he'd be adjusted to darkness, but not "of the cabin" I think.
* "He would bring them His glory." - a bit of an ambiguous pronoun there, easily clarified by context but still something that might put a speed bump for the reader.
* "Laudney spoke long and privately with the man" - I was a bit confused here if "the man" was the sailor in the crows nest or Derrick.
* "Minutes later, Aric stood at the ship's bow next to Admiral Laudney and lifted a spyglass to hie eye. Berart and Pellis stood with them, waiting." -> "Finally, Laudney joined Aric at the bow, and handed him a spyglass." I think there might be a tense inconsistency here? (aside from the hie typo
)
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Overall, very enjoyable J ^_^
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