Timewaster's Guide Archive
General => Rants and Stuff => Topic started by: 42 on July 09, 2004, 10:29:34 AM
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So for those of us who work with people at work, I was thinking there are just all kinds of things I wish I could say, but for some reason I just can't because it might just cost me my job.
For example I would love to sincerly say to a rude hotel guest as they check out:
"Thank you so much for your chatisement of our hotel. You've reminded just why I committed that unsolved triple homicide in 1997. Thank you. Now just to make sure your address is..."
Then I would just smile at them.
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heh, I know. One think I'd like to say is "Wow, you must be a special breed of moron to think that it would be helpful to call a helpdesk line for advice and then not do anything they say."
The problem is that, of course, it's not a special breed of moron that does that. It's the average, run-of-the-mill moron that does that EACH AND EVERY DAY!
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I am desperate to, someday, conduct a customer inquiry along these lines.
Customer "Why hasn't my bus come?!"
Me "Fnord." *hangs up*
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Parent: "My child can't read and is violent with all his friends. What have you done to him?!"
Me: "Uhm, it's the first month of school. I haven't had him very long. Do you ever read with him?"
Parent: "Read with him? I don't have time to do that! That's your job! So why can't he read?"
Me: "Has it ever come to your attention that ignoring your child and blaming all your mistakes on someone else doesn't help?"
*sigh. If only.
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me- um you do realize that calling a federal chemical spill response line set up for things like Exxon Valdez just to report that you neighbor is throwing dead fish on your lawn is a bit of overkill.
me- so what possessed you to report this spill thats been a continuous release for the past ten years at 3 am on a sunday.
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"It's a pair of sunglasses. It's not going to ruin your life it they don't arrive overnight. Go to the damn store if you need some instantly. And grow the heck up."
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Okay, after having just worked 40 hours in 3 days at work becuase the owner refuses to work more than 10 hours a week, I have some new lines:
"I'm sorry we can't give you your deposit back because you left your room so dirty that it makes Cristina Aguileira look like a virgin."
Hotel Guest: "What's wrong with your pool?"
Me: "We subcontract the pool to the city's waste management system for your pleasure and convenience."
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okay so you want a sword that looks like one you saw in a videogame but you dont know what it's made out, how big it is or what it even looks like? Sure I'll get right on it...oh and before I forget, would you like fries with that?
you have no idea how often we get nerds requesting videogame weapons....
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"The fact that you are unable to remember your own address is not my problem, especially when you expect that yelling will change the fact that you didn't notice you typed your own address wrong until after it had shipped."
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"Yes sir. We designed it that way specifically to confuse and anger you so I could have this joyous conversation."
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"It's not my fault you're too stupid to read before you buy something."
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customer: "Sorry to have bothered you."
me: "You had better be."
(although, as you know, I generally just say "No problem. It's what I'm here for" and don't add "to have all your crap dumped on me.")
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I work at an "old folks home" in the kitchen
Me- Here's your supper.
Senior-I want a ham sandwich instend.
Me- Sure, No problem just a second.
*with the ham sandwich* Here you are
Senior- But I asked for bologna.
Me- We dont even have bologna, your old, you've been living here for years, and we never have had bologna! If I ever reach the age were I cant remember what I just asked for less than two minutes ago I hope someone takes pity and shoots me!
* I wish*
Mostly it's wel I'll check and see what else we have, and they tell me how "sweet" and Good" I am. Ha! If only they weren't paying my checks....
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Hi do you sell cutlery here?
no that sign out front that says "Wiley's cutlery, we're the sharpest knife in the drawer" was just a joke, we actually sell festive party hats.