Timewaster's Guide Archive
General => Everything Else => Topic started by: Shaggy on March 11, 2009, 12:07:48 AM
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Today is Chuck Norris's 69th Birthday!!!!!!! This thread is for all those who would like to share Chuck Norris stories/jokes/quips/etc. or other *stuff* about him. I will start:
"Once, Chuck Norris took a trip to the Virgin Islands. When he came back, they were only called 'the Islands.'"
"When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up–he's pushing the earth down."
"Chuck Norris doesn't read; he stares the book down 'til it gives up its information."
"Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch; he decides what time it is."
"There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live."
"Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse."
"Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise."
"There's no chin behind Chuck Norris's beard, only another fist." (–Mike Huckabee)
"Chuck Norris doesn't endorse; he tells America how it's gonna be." (–Mike Huckabee)
"Jesus walks on water. God walks on Jesus. Chuck Norris beats the **** out of both of them."