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Local Authors => Writing Group => Topic started by: Comatose on March 28, 2008, 06:11:59 AM
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Ok, so in this story I'm writing (trying to write) I have a Queen who's sort of a self styled empress, really powerful, perfectionist, with absolute control of her kingdom, you know the drill. Anyway, she has four assistants called Sentinels, who take care of most of the daily administration fo the kingdom, leaving her to deal with other matters. The Sentinels have been raised from childhood to be what they are, I think they are going to be orphans of some kind, or something like that (I'm done the story part in my head, I'm still figuring out some background stuff), and one is currently having an affair with the Queen. Wierd, I know. Anyway, I wanted there to be a personal term for the Sentinals to have for the queen, a sort of title or nickname. Right now I'm using "your majesty," but I would like the Sentinels to have another, more personal title for her, and I think master, mistress, teacher and all that have been way over done. Some suggested terms have been, Mother (which is creepy considering she's having an affair with one of them,) earth mother, Essence, Radiance, Sun, Morning Star, that sort of thing, but none of them seem to fit. I was wondering if anyone else had some ideas, because I have no idea what to say, so post here if you have an idea or like one of the ones listed above.
Oh, and if anyone has a replacement for the word sentinel, I' d like that too, it just feels a tad overdone to me as well. Thanks
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If it is seen as wrong by the law, society or common people that she is having an affair with a sentinel, it would be fitting that she be given the title 'Mother'. That helps establish the wrongdoing in the subconscious mind of the reader. If it is not seen as morally suspect, then you could find another name.
She could be called
'Light'
'Preserver'
'Ruler'
I feel that this nickname should hold some affection from the sentinels towards the Queen, however since her personality is only sketchy it is hard to know what she would find flattering - and it should be something she finds flattering, or she would just have changed it.
They could be called:
'Keepers'
'Administrators'
'Representative' (although that lends credence to them being elected which they are not)
'Knowledge' of (the area that person administrates) - Knowledge of State, Knowledge of War
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I completely agree about the flattering bit, and I have never thought about using the word mother in that way before. I do want there to be some wrongness to what they are doing, but I don't think I want it to go that for, then again, I haven't decided yet, so maybe I will. I really liked Preserver too, but I still haven't settled, however, I think I like it best so far. Keep sending in suggestions, they really help.
If you want some insight into the queen's personality, she's rather vain and arrogant, she is also bored with everyday preceedings, which is why she has the sentinels. In all the meetings with the sentinels, she simply gives them orders, and rarely explains herslef, and she spends the rest of her time in pursuit of knowledge, what knowledge gets a bit more complicated, as I would have to delve into the story more, but basically she is trying to get more power. She also feels some guilt about the people (or person ;)) she has betrayed to get to where she is.
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I'm new to TWG, hi. I was looking around and saw this post. The first thing came to mind is the way "old word" kings were called Sire (dady horse). Why not have the queen called Dam (mommy horse). It would also be fun for a few play on words. ;)
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Hmm, interesting, I'm not sure the queen would like the horse reference, but I love the word, and it does have that personal feel, I'm looking for.
Only two posts, and already I'm getting awesome ideas, thanks!!
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Hmmm, "Beloved" is already used by Eddings. Perhaps something similar, such as "Dear One" or "So and So Heart".
You could call the Sentinels "Ministers", "Arbiters", or "Arch-something or the other".
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Personally i find 'Dam' to be a bit too close to 'Damn', but that is just me :)
They could also call her 'Knowing One', 'Radiant One'
If you are planning to play with an 'old language' in your text, you can invent a word and say it means 'Beloved Teacher' or something, and then just use that one.
Also, i feel that the nick name should either play into her pursuit of knowledge or her vanity.
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Yes, perhaps something to do with glass, sand or mirrors, they are kind of morifs for her, she is known as the desert Queen, because her capital is in a desert. I'm using a little bit of old language, if you want to call it that, but I'm trying to keep it to a minimum. I'll prehaps also go a little more into depth with the sentinels, they consist of three men, and one woman, the four areas they control are the army and military, palace security and secret police, intelleigence and policy, and clergy and beurocratics (sp?).
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If it were me, I'd go with something Orwellian and call them something nice. Like, "protectors" or "beneficiaries".
And if it were me, I'd go with something Freudian, which would be along the lines of "Mother". Oedipus repeats are always hilarious.
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If it were me, I'd go with something Orwellian and call them something nice. Like, "protectors" or "beneficiaries".
And if it were me, I'd go with something Freudian, which would be along the lines of "Mother". Oedipus repeats are always hilarious.
I haven't read any George Orwell, and, I'm not sure I want things to end up like they did for poor Oedipus, besides, she's not really their mother.
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If i was you, i would find out how much you want to play with the forbidden relationship. If it will be a big deal in the book, i would name the 'sentinels' so their name subtly plays into the forbidden relationship. If the relationship is merely a subplot i would name then according to their area of expertise, and i would go with 'Administrator'. It is a powerful word to a powerful position and tells clearly that they are persons of beurocracy (sp?).
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I'd say the relationship is pretty major.
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You've probably already got this figured out, but just in case you're still taking suggestions:
They could call her "Inamorata."
It means a woman who loves or is loved. And since its not the sort of word you heard a lot, most people won't have any preconceptions about it. Most probably won't even know what it means. (I sure didn't) ^^;
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That's so cool, and I'm always open to new suggestion if it will make my story better. I really like the feel of that word, you got any more like that???
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Technically I've got a thesaurus (or, rather, the interweb). That's how I found inamorata. ^_^;;
I can always find more though. What kind of words would you want?
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I did a short story where i had 6 guys that served an emperor and i called them Patriarchs. I kinda thought that was a cool title. If your planning on making the queen a kinda of "Mother to the nation" for her title that kinda goes with it.
You could name the women Matriarch.
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I want them to be more student to the Queen, I even toyed for a while with calling them disciples, what do you guys think about that by the way? I wasn't sure about it.
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I would say that depends on their role in the kingdom. (and technically it would not be a KINGdom if it is ruled by a woman) If their role is mainly a relation to her, you could go with disciple, but if their role is primarily in relation to the kingdom/population i would not do so.
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That is correct, as disciple means Student, and I'd say they're duties are divided between her and the empire. That was my main problem with using disciple. Do you think since it's sort of half and half would that be OK? I'm really not sure. They are her followers and supporters, but the do a great deal in relation to other people of course, and she stays in isolation, so she can't realy be called a teacher.
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I know what you mean. Why is she isolated ? I was thinking about giving them two titles - one when with the queen and one when they are not with the queen. or a title dependent on who was speaking to them. If it was a farmer, then they would ha a title showing that they were doing the business of the empire but if it is an aristocrat addressing them it would be more in the capacity of students/advisers to the queen. Just got fond of them having two titles...
But if they have only one title, consider the history of their job. Did it start out when someone close to the queen decided that she should have some help and asked some of the bureaucracy who volunteered. or decided she herself that those positions should be filled and had interviews before deciding who she hired ?
In the end, if the title seems natural in the story, it will work. They could be disciples, student, advisers, suiters, whatever - as long as it becomes natural to call them by their title.
Hope it helps
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Thanks! The Queen is in isolation, because she is in constant pursuit of more knowledge and power so she contributes a lot of time to her studies (this makes more sense if you know about the magic systems in the story), and she spends a great deal of time watching her world.
The Sentinels (as they are unfortunately still called) are raised from a young age, by the Queen and the people who used to hold their position, for they're job. I think they are mostly orphans, but I haven't finished all of their backgrounds yet.
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You could also call them Keepers. They Keep her isolated, they Keep the Empire running, the Keep the public from interrupting the queens study. But i believe desciples would also work :)
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But if I used 'keepers,' I would keep expecting them to have feruchemical powers and say, "I think," a lot, which they definately do not. ;D
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Sentinel - (I went with priest type words) Chancellor, Flamen, Dignitary, Rector.
Queen - Matron, Amir, Kaiser, Dynast, Caliph.
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I'm not so sure about the priest words, they sound cool, it's just that most of them seem like solitary positions to me, and there are four of them in the story. Dignatary would work in regards to there being four, but I'm not sure I like it very much.
As for the Queen names, Kaiser sounds too masculine to me, and I don't like matron, but Caliph and Dynast interest me, do you know the meanings?
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Instead of calling them all by one title: what about different names for each of them? So that it could be a description of what they do, and thence what they are.
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thats a good idea and it might serve to give them more individuality. Help them stand out a bit more for the reader.
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No, I want them to have the same title, although they each have their own duties, they are still a team.
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there is nothing wrong with them having a two-part title, is there ?
There is a minister of defense. 'Minister' relating to being in a team with other ministers, and 'of defense' relating to then individual ministers area.
Rector of Administration.
Keeper of Public Affairs
and the like...
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Thank-you everyone for the suggestions, they did help me get going in the right direction, in the end I decided upon Arbitrators. I think this word feels more dangerous than sentinels, and the four of them are considered dangerous. They also pass on all the Queen's judgements in her place, so they essentially Arbitrate for her. I decided the emphasize the student aspect in the way she talks to them.
Still don't have a word for them to call her though.
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You resurrected this thread, so I feel perfectly within my rights to respond. ;D
From what you've said previously, I gather that she's not the public face of the empire. Since she's so isolated, then, maybe you should look to the animal kingdom for your term of endearment. There are lots of qualities that people associate with different animals.
Fox, for instance, could mean devious, untrustworthy, and sneaky. But it could also be used in admiration: they admire how she's always on top of things, knows what they're going to report before they do, and is the only one who has all the pieces and can put them together.
There's also hawk, a majestic creature of the skies but also a fearsome predator.
Basically, by identifying her with an animal you underscore her difference from them, but (as opposed to deifying her) she still stays reachable.