Timewaster's Guide Archive
Local Authors => Stephanie Fowers => Topic started by: guitarbabe on September 11, 2007, 11:27:13 PM
-
Okay, so I wanna give away a free book...mine to be exact, "Meet Your Match." It just came out last weekend, so I've got a copy of it in my sweaty little hand. Well, not so sweaty exactly, my gloriously shimmering little hand.
Anyhoo, so here's the game:
If you had no choice (and believe me, nobody has a choice in these things). And you HAD to date one of these mythological creatures/ people, who would it be and why?
Werewolf? Vampire? Fairy? Zombie? Superhero? Anything else?
(Most imaginative answer gets a free book…and the envy of all of us)
-
Uh, I’ll start it out:
A werewolf is just way too emotional for me (howling at the moon in some whiney fashion about how I’ve done him wrong). So forget him.
A vampire (though extremely fashionable with pompadour hair, high collars, and black turtle necks) would just suck the life out of me, complain if I make a mess in his coffin, then would disappear with no explanation into creepy places in the blackest of nights.
A fairy is a noncommittal pansy, flitting and flirting and floating from one relationship to the next, tearing a wing here, breaking a crown there. Way too damaging, especially if he’s more beautiful than me. I just can’t compete.
A zombie? Um, boring. I’d be the undead.
A superhero, maybe…just maybe…if he fell into a vat of pheromones…and if he was evil and I had to fight him (And, of course, we were both secretly attracted…then yeah, of course). Though it might end tragically…and yet, so beautifully.
Side note: You really don't have to mention every single option, I'm just being obnoxious.
Okay, who wants to play? Bring it on…
-
Oh, and I forgot, we need a deadline, so the deadline should be a month from now...October 11th. And Nessa and I (maybe a few others, I dunno) will be the judge...
-
can a superhero be "evil?" Doesn't that mean he's not a hero after all?
-
Depends on whose team you're on. And whether or not you consider yourself to be evil. I don't think that the word Hero necessarily implies goodness. I'm sure that there are some people in the world (just normal schmoes) that think people who conduct terrorist acts are heroes. I'd never consider one such, though. So, perspective, perspective.
Dang, look at me. Going back to edit posts where I find that I've been too serious of a bloke to come across as normal. You can ignore me. Sorry.
-
You KNOW superheroes turn evil ALL the time...thus turning into supervillains, blah blah blah, but that's not the point!
Who's the lucky, albeit 'abnormal' Schmoe who's gonna be your main squeeze?
-
exactly, Dan. If you perceive them as good, they can be heroes. If you construe both their means and actions evil, they are villains.
-
Stay on topic, here, people!!!
I'm gonna have to say werewolf, for several reasons:
1. I'm a night person, too.
2. Leading a double life has it appeal. At least it would keep things interesting.
3. Your kids will never need to worry about bullies at school with a dad who can rip them apart. Literally.
4. Stray dongs won't dare to leave presents in your yard anymore.
5. There's something eminently sexy about a man with hair on his chest.
6. Running in a pack means you'll always have lots of people show up at your parties.
...I may come up with more later....
-
Stray dongs. :D Sorry, Nessa. Typos I can't help but chuckle at...there are so many.
Anyhow, I think that I'd probably go with the werewolf thing too. Even though the thought of my woman covered in body hair doesn't exactly put tingles in my toes, it'd be a problem that I'd only have to deal with once a month for a limited amount of time. So, at that count, that would make only two monthly issues to deal with, instead of an ever-present one as would be the case with a vampire, a fairy, a zombie, or a superhero. I'm into minimalization here people.
And SE: This wouldn't be the case if you knew the Superhero was evil. If you knew that they were evil, but you still saw their actions as heroic (is there an actual definition for heroic? If so, and it is supposed to be something that someone does that is good in the eyes of the general public, then my whole argument falls apart...) then they could be a superhero, on a personal level. I can totally seeing some bad guy having a girl sidle up to him and say "You're my hero. My superhero." with a twisted grin or something. lol. Anyhow, I apologize Nessa. I digress.
-
Ha! You guys are IMPOSSIBLE!
I like your answer Nessa by the by...you almost convert me to going for a werewolf...almost. Man, we're good. Too bad we're the judges! Ha ha!
-
Stray dongs. :D Sorry, Nessa. Typos I can't help but chuckle at...there are so many.
You should have seen it BEFORE I edited 5x before I posted it. I'm not completely coherent in the morning. You'll have to just take my typos as a matter of course. ;)
-
I think that by definition, a hero is a good guy. That's what it boils down to.
I'm totally going to date the Superhero, though, because, My Super Ex-Girlfriend notwithstanding, how can that not be completely filled with awesome?
Me: "I don't want to make dinner. Wanna get Chinese?"
*whoosh*
Her: "Here you go. If you don't like the Szechuan Pork I can get something else."
Me: "I can't afford tickets to Hawaii for our Honeymoon."
Her: "That's ok, honey, I'll just fly us there!"
Me: "Microwave's busted again. No popcorn tonight"
*Heat vision zap*
Her: "I know you like the half-popped kernals, so I left some."
Seriously, is there a downside? I mean *besides* all the supervillains that come after you when they learn her secret identity.
-
That's all fine and good as long as she isn't mad at you, ala My Super Ex-Girlfriend.
-
Why would I want to get her mad at me? That would mean no super-spooning!
-
All this stuff would get you killed...
Werewolf: Its that time of month again... no, that other time, with the full moon. *rip*shread*die*
Vampire: I never drink... wine. She slowly drains the life out of you, then damns your soul.
Fairy: First night out at a club, you are suddenly 80 years old after the first dance. And if you live through that, her dad sends out the dogs when you bring her home (Black Dogs/Cu Sidhe, then you'll wish you were never born).
Zombie: I love you for your brains, honey... Mmm, brains...
Superhero: If you're lucky, Archnemesis only kidnaps you as a hostage the first few times. Then Stan Lee desides She-Hulk needs a dark period triggered by her boyfriend's death. But you'd likely have some good times before that, making it the best option.
-
I like everyone else ideas so far. :)
If I could choose someone or something, they definitely would be a super hero. Forget beasts that must be tamed, I could get killed. I want something that is already civilized.
That hero must start out with humble beginnings so they wouldn’t have a swell head. They’d need to be able to understand the feelings of everyone else who lacks unearthly abilities. They must care about the others they come in contact with.
They would have to be tough but soft. I know that sounds confusing, but they would have to genuinely care about others, and yet be able to handle the powerful villains who are obsessed with power and greed. Their heart must be pure and full of light.
Since the super heroes who go through trials seem to capture the heart more, I would want one that struggled to overcome. They must not give up easily, but hang on through the dark times until the sunrise comes. That sounds a lot like Luke Skywalker. Does he count?
-
That hero must start out with humble beginnings so they wouldn’t have a swell head. They’d need to be able to understand the feelings of everyone else who lacks unearthly abilities. They must care about the others they come in contact with.
You obviously haven't heard about Hal Jordan/Green Lantern/Parallax who tried to destroy the universe because a bad guy killed his girlfriend.
They would have to be tough but soft. I know that sounds confusing, but they would have to genuinely care about others, and yet be able to handle the powerful villains who are obsessed with power and greed. Their heart must be pure and full of light.
Like the Punisher, who is out to kill all criminals
Since the super heroes who go through trials seem to capture the heart more, I would want one that struggled to overcome. They must not give up easily, but hang on through the dark times until the sunrise comes. That sounds a lot like Luke Skywalker. Does he count?
I think you're too picky.
-
Forget beasts that must be tamed, I could get killed.
Awwwww, maaaaan! You ruin all the fun with your rational approach to such an irrational thing as dating! ;)
-
Hmmmph! I think it's brilliant, Chris! But then I'm partial to superheroes myself...or villains, whatever. He'll always be 'my' superhero no matter what he does. So there!--everybody out there in the world! Yeah, I'm talking to you!
Would that be bad if I won my free book?--'cause whenever I see my amazing reasoning (which is very ironic because love is never very reasonable), I'm just so very proud of myself!
Just kidding guys, sheesh! I LOVE all the answers so far...though some of them DON'T count! C'mon! You've got to give your own reason for falling for some crazy creature NOT some crazy debate against someone else's! And I'm not changing the rules either! So forget it!
-
hey, i *posted* my reasons. I just think the other ones are invalid, making mine much better
-
Very sound reasoning SE. You only have to hope that g-babe agrees with your invalidations.
-
G-Girl does!
Oh, wait. You're talking about guitarbabe. Ideally she will as well.
-
And Nessa! She's a judge too!
Whoo, thank goodness it doesn't all depend on my judgment...
-
So...I've been doing some thinking about this "Anything else?" category and have come to the conclusion that I need to make a "man" comment. Additionally, I hope that the intermingling of another author's brain child to this mix won't elicit too many jeers or cat calls. I have decided that I'd like to date...a Kandra. Yes, a Kandra. That way if I got tired of the "same old thing" I could just have her eat another girl and it'd be like starting all over again. :)
Like I said, a "man" comment. Try to hold the tomatoes. I'm allergic.
And dang if that penguin avatar didn't make me laugh out loud for a solid three minutes, SE. That was genius.
-
Ok, people!!! We need more submissions. This really is a fun book worth reading (and winning!!). I just re-read it again this weekend and it's funny and a great story. Come on! EVERYONE should post something here, it's not that hard!
-
Ah Nessa, you're so sweet!
I'm so glad you got a chance to read it. That's awesome!
Guys, win it for your wives or girlfriends. Girls, win it for you! Don't worry, no one will make fun of your entry...ha ha, well, I won't! Big jerks anyway!
Pretty cool answers so far...and the deadline is getting closer if anybody else wants to take a stab at it...
-
'Yes! You're the loneliest jerkiest jerk!"
-
If you date a super hero and even if he doesn't go evil or you don't get killed/kidnapped/brainwashed by his archnemesis, it's still a pretty crappy route to go. Come on, he's never there when you need him because he's off saving the world ("What's more important to you, the world or our relationship?" "Duh."), and you have to lie for him all the time in order to protect his secret identity. Who wants to date a guy that makes you lie all the time? Actually, for most of these guys you're going to have to lie a lot.
That's why I choose the fairy. I'm not talking a Tinkerbell type here, but one of those Faerie princes that will take me off to a magic land where I'll be blissfully happy in a fairyfood-induced haze. And I'll be able to buy anything I want with his fairy gold. I may even get butterfly wings out of it.
But if we've actually learned anything from Hollywood, then we know that the best way to go is to date an angel. Come on, he's perfect. And he has wings which are uber-cool. Well, at least until he gives up heaven in order to be with me, but even then, he's still perfect.
-
the problem with fairies: Loss of all contact with any other friends or family. They take you off to their little mound, and if you ever come back, it's been 200 years. How worth it is that?
Angels? Ok, so they show a lot of devotion. But uh... doesn't that mean when you go to heaven the angel won't be there? Yeah, I'm not for that.
-
Before I state my reasoning I would like to first make clear that I have heard a wise person say that you marry who you date, and if I am required to date one of these creatures, then obviously I will marry one because there are no humans/mortals to date, so that is why I’m dating one of these guys.
The werewolf does not appeal to me for several reasons. First off, dogs won’t leave you alone, they track and tackle you. I have never enjoyed it from the neighbor’s dog; I wouldn’t want my date doing the same thing. Second thing, to disappear for a week or so at a time doesn’t sound nice—let alone at the full moon when it can be really romantic—think of it, I could never become a true Aggie (never mind that I don’t even attend Utah State). [For those of you not familiar with Utah State, you become a “true Aggie” by kissing below the “A” at a full moon—they might be particular about it being at homecoming time, but I’m not sure.] Then thinking in the future, if we got married it could be a toss up if I have one child, or a whole litter of puppies—think of having five or more puppies, and then think about watching them all, teaching them the proper manners and not biting the neighbors. (Can you imagine explaining to the neighbor why their son or daughter is not a werewolf—it sounds awful.) The raising that many at one time might not be that bad, but what if I have the kids while I’m human and it’s a quintuplets, and then it’s a full moon and their at the hospital…can anyone else see this as a problem?
I don’t like the idea of dating a vampire. For one thing, I don’t react well when mosquitoes bite me, in fact I swell up. It is teased in my family that I have “sweet blood”. I can’t recall any vampires that have very much self control—let alone for “sweet blood”. Which brings up my next problem, when I get bit I will have no color in my face—and there goes all the joy of my friends teasing me and my face turning bright red. Honestly, that sounds worse then actually getting bitten. Another problem that I see is that vampires are active in the night and not during the day. I personally am a morning person. I could not date someone who would deprive me of my glorious mornings. Also, think the long run—teaching you children to not bite the neighbors. I really can’t explain how I know how much children like to bite—but I know they do. One other thing, a vampire cannot hold a respectable job, so who would be bringing in the bacon? That better not be me!
A fairy sounds romantic…until I think of Thumbelina, Tinkerbelle, and all small fairies—they are too small for me to date. He could follow me around and I wouldn’t know—I don’t like being followed. (This doesn’t necessarily mean he’ll follow me, but I wouldn’t like it either way.) Also, if we were dating and he decided to take me somewhere and we flew—chances are I’d have messed up hair before we got to our appointment—that wouldn’t be cool. Another problem, he has wings, that means chairs without backs—basically bar stools. I like back support—I’d be sad without it. Also, no sitting next to each other on the couch while watching a movie—he wouldn’t be able to handle it with his wings. Sad! Also, if I become a mother of fairies, I wouldn’t become one, which means that when their father is gone at work (whatever fairies do) my children will fly all around me and I won’t be able to do anything about it. That would be depressing and a harder motherhood than what I plan to sign up for.
I wouldn’t date a zombie because he doesn’t pass the first test of dateable material—he has to be alive. Honestly, if they aren’t alive, then they aren’t marriage material. Also, to go on the shallow end of things—I hear they’re ugly, and I wouldn’t want an ugly gene going through my posterity.
I would date a superhero. He would have some sort of respectable job and fight crime on the side. He is honest and busy, which means he won’t be calling me every five minutes. I have a life right now too—between school, work, homework, family, and everything else I do—I don’t need a puppy dog chasing me. He would be handsome—ever heard of an ugly superhero?—I haven’t either. He would know the safe places of town, the nice places to go out, and he would bring me home at a decent hour so that he can go fight crime. It really doesn’t matter what his super power is, whether it is strength, flight or anything, it doesn’t matter. If we got married our children would know the importance of giving back to the community. They would have an awesome role model to look up to. He might not be home all of the time, but that isn’t too big of a problem because he would understand the importance of Quality time, not just quantity.
Other non-datable magical creature:
*Centaurs would not be enjoyable on a car ride.
*Elves would take me away to their magical kingdom and I’d never see my family again.
*Wizards can be sneaky, same with magicians. Besides, I don’t need added magic in a friendship—being friends has its own magic.
*Fire witches—I’d get burned. (Depending on what book you read, there are male fire witches.)
So to sum it up, the only one that qualifies as dating material is the superhero.
-
How about a god? As long as he doesn't have a wife/girlfriend who will turn you into something nasty or curse you.
-
A god would be eternally young and handsome, while his mortal mate would age and die. Wouldn't it be depressing to date/marry someone way better looking than you? Werewolves-too hairy. Vampires-too creepy. Fairies-too feminine. The only justifiable alternative is a superhero, whose secret identity would allow him to live in the real world, but whose super powers would allow him to take you on some pretty awesome dates. Plus, you'd have a wonderful altruistic feeling of knowing that your sweetheart saved the world.
-
Whoa! That was the most eloquent essay on dating superheroes that I have ever heard! You almost convince me to date one...well, actually, I had already decided on the superhero, well, a supervillain as some might argue!
Very nice!
-
Okay, you stragglers. You have until Thursday to come up with 'who you'd date mythologically speaking and why.' And then after that...well, you can STILL put stuff down, BUT it just won't count 'cause Nessa and I are gonna start judging...yeah!
And it's already going to be pretty hard 'cause there are some pretty good arguments here...so if you wanna make it harder, please, do, put in your two cents! Thanks.
-
I always grew up knowing that someday I would marry the man of my dreams, which I have (with a few minimal alterations). Staying true to those dreams (which are my subconcious hearts desire) he must be tall, dark and handsome. Yes cliche I know, but I fall for that hook line and sinker. I'm also a sucker for a few nicely defined muscles.
Fairy Sorry hairy guys...if I cant see the muscle... WEREWOLF Also a heavenly scent stops me in tracks, drops my jaw and erases everything in my head but uh......wow my husband just walked by. Ummm...oh yeah ZOMBIE A nice tan and nice teeth and nice eyes also essential. VAMPIRE Srong verbal abilites, an intelligent mind, and a kind and caring heart also top the list. With all those characteristics as a minimum the only one left on the list is...MY HUSBAND...who is a superhero. Shhh...dont tell. The physical description is a dead on match. Hes intelligent, kind, thoughtful, considerate and always serving others. He takes care of our children, and he saves me every day! Its a wonder that on top of everything he also looks hot in a cape! (And yes this counts because we go on a date every week!)
-
Well, This is a very hard decision, and I'll give it a shot.
I think the best one to date out of all the horrors, you would think - would be a fairy. You'd think of a sparrowman from Peter Pan. I don't think sparrow man. I think of a dallying Oberon. I don't want to be a Titania. They're terribly malicious towards each other, and that would be a terrible person to date.
I definitely would not date a zombie, for how boring would that be? Sitting through a movie like Sean of the Dead and having him groan and moan throughout the whole movie. Or not even responding when I ask him a question? Terrible.
I would definitely not date a superhero either. Think pompous, irritatingly arrogant, and completely absorbed with his hair looking just so! No intelligence. Think - If I like playing games that include a certain amount of risk, would he not come flying up to save me? Would he not be too clingly if I were to dump his ass? Yah. You see where I'm going here.
A werewolf - sure, he may be normal for the majority of the month. A couple of days without seeing him, or worse- seeing him. Don't you think that he would be a bit feral, even when the full moon wasn't out? A little hairy, a little violent?
So, I would date a vampire. I know what you're thinking. WHAT? who would be so stupid as to date a vampire? Well, they're nocturnal for one thing, and I like the night. I wouldn't have to see him that often even if I didn't like him. Usually they're very intelligent, have a nice, victorian sense of style. They live in castles, they have great cereal. They have a sense of humor, if a little cold. Count Chocula would be nice to have around.
-
You are ALL the cutest. This is going to be really hard, isn't it, Nessa???
-
*Rubs her hands in anticipation.
This is going to be fun!
-
WOW I HAVE TO SAY THAT THIS IS A FUN QUESTION. I LOVE QUESTIONS LIKE THESE WHERE THERE IS NO WRONG ANSWER- SOMETHING TO MAKE ME THINK.
I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS LONG AND HARD, AND HARD AND LONG. THERE ARE SO MANY ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES TO EACH POTENTIAL DATE MATERIAL. HMMM....
LET'S START OFF WITH THE WAREWOLF. I’VE SEEN SOME PRETTY HANDSOME WAREWOLVES, AND I LOVE TO GO OUT AT NIGHT. I REALLY LOVE HEARING THE MAN OF MY DREAMS SINGING TO ME UNDER A BEAUTIFUL FULL MOON, BUT I’VE ALSO DATED A FEW HAIRY GUYS, AND LET ME TELL YOU- THE CHEST HAIR PEEKING THROUGH THE NECK OF A SHIRT JUST DOESN’T DO IT FOR ME. IT’S A LITTLE NAUSEATING. IN FACT, MY DAD IS PRETTY DARN HAIRY. CHEST, FACE, ARMS, BACK….. HE’S JUST A HAIRY MAN. CAN YOU IMAGINE GOING IN FOR A KISS AND THINKING ABOUT YOUR OLD MAN?! EWW GROSS! IF WE WERE TO GET MARRIED AND SLEEP IN THE SAME BED, I’D BE A BIT LEERY ABOUT THOSE TOENAILS, TOO. ONCE I HAD TO SHARE A BED WITH MY SISTER, AND SHE PRETTY MUCH ATTACKED ME WITH HER FEET IN A DREAM. SO NOW I’D BE SLEEPING NEXT TO A HAIRY GUY WHO REMINDS ME OF MY DAD AND MY SISTER. OOOHHH BABY! IF THAT DOESN’T’ GET ME IN THE MOOD I DON’T KNOW WHAT WILL. SO LOGICALLY- HE’S AN AUTOMATIC STRIKOUT. SORRY, HARRY.
MOVING ON TO THE VAMPIRE: I WON’T LIE – I LOVE WHEN A MAN KISSES ME ON THE NECK. I’M FAIR SKINNED, SO I WOULDN’T REALLY WORRY ABOUT LOOKING WHITE NEXT TO HIM. IF ANYTHING I WOULD LOOK GREAT WITH HIM – TAN, BLONDE HAIR – BEAUTIFUL! THAT’S WHAT I’VE ALWAYS WANTED! BUT WHAT IF HE THINKS I’M SO BEAUTIFUL, AND STARTS KISSING MY NECK, THEN I GIGGLE, AND THEN HE BITES ME!? WHAT’LL I DO? I’LL DIE – THAT’S WHAT I’LL DO. PLUS WHO LIKES BATS? “NOT I,” SAID THE DOG. I CAN SEE THIS JUST ISN’T WORKING. NEXT!
FAIRY: SERIOUS? THAT’S AN OPTION? I DON’T REALLY SEE ANY ADVANTAGES TO THIS HERE. I DON’T REALLY WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WHERE I QUESTION MY BOYFRIEND’S “ORIENTATION”. I THINK YOU ALL KNOW WHERE I’M COMING FROM. WE’LL JUST LEAVE IT AT THAT. I DON’T WANT TO WEAR THE PANTS IN ANY RELATIONSHIP. HE SHOULD. PLUS, I HATE CLEANING, AND I HAVE A FEELING HE’D BE PRANCING AROUND MY HOUSE SPRINKLING THAT FAIRY DIRT (OH, ‘SCUSE ME….. “DUST”) ALL OVER THE PLACE. I’D HAVE TO FOLLOW HIM AROUND WITH A DUST BUSTER, AND WHO WANTS THAT?
DATE A SUPER HERO? THAT SOUNDS FUN. HE’S STRONG, TALL, DARK, HANDSOME, AND ROMANTIC. BUT I GET JEALOUS FAST. IF I SEE HIM SAVING ANOTHER DAMSEL IN DISTRESS, HE’S GONNA HAVE TO FIND A SUPER HERO TO SAVE HIMSELF FROM AN ANGRY GIRLFRIEND! SURE HE’S HANDSOME AND RIPPED, BUT THOSE ARE GREAT REASONS FOR ALL THE OTHER LADIES TO BE SCAMMING ON MY BOYFRIEND!! NOPE, I’M TOO SELFISH. IT’S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
NOW - TO DATE A ZOMBIE; THAT JUST SEEMS LIKE A LOGICAL CHOICE. HE’S PROBABLY NOT MUCH TO LOOK AT, BESIDES ROTTING SKIN AND SUCH. AT LEAST I KNOW THAT NONE OF MY FRIENDS WILL BE SECRETLY CHECKING HIM OUT, RIGHT? I DON’T HAVE TO BE WORRIED ABOUT GETTING JEALOUS. I’M SURE THAT AFTER ALL THESE YEARS BEING DEAD, TRYING TO FIND A GIRLFRIEND HAVE BEEN EXHAUSTING. ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY ALL RUN AWAY SCREAMING! POOR GUY…. HE’S JUST LONELY. IT’S WHAT’S INSIDE THAT REALLY MATTERS. UNDERNEATH ALL OF THAT TATTERED CLOTHING AND PROTRUDING ORGANS IS A KIND AND GENTLE-LOVING MAN JUST SEARCHING FOR THE LOVE OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN LIKE MYSELF. WE CAN SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE TOGETHER, AND THEN WHEN I’M DEAD, WE CAN FINALY REST IN PEACE TOGETHER. HE’D NEVER SAY THE WRONG THING – EVERYTHING ALWAYS COMES OUT AS “UUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGG!” AND I’LL JUST RESPOND WITH “OH, THIS OLD THING? WHY THANK YOU!” OF COURSE HE’D THEN ADD “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHH” AND I’D SAY “IT’S THE NEWEST SHADE OF LIPSTICK FROM AVON – I KNEW YOU’D LOVE IT.” WHEN I COOK FOR HIM, HE WOULD OF COURSE ALWAYS SAY “MMMMMMMMMMMMHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMM!” THAT'S MORE THAN I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT SOME OF MY PREVIOUS BOYFIRENDS...... HE’S THE PERFECT MAN. WE WOULD BE SO IN LOVE WITH EACHOTHER!!
-
OH YEAH - AND ANOTHER THING ABOUT THE SUPER HERO...... HOW DO YOU GET RID OF THE LITTLE SIDE KICK? CAN WE SAY THIRD WHEEL?? :-\
-
my first response was to delete that instantly, since the all caps are more than annoying in *any* forum and just shows a general disregard of other humans. However, since it's Stephanie's contest, I'll let her decide.
-
Sorry about the caps. I'm just really bad at punctuation and all that fun stuff. My mind goes faster than my fingers so I don't want to worry about it. I didn't want to offend anyone. :-[
-
Do you mind re-typing it using proper capitalization (or at least somehting close). We're not huge sticklers for grammar and spelling (else we'd have lost our main coder years ago), but we expect people to try. I doubt many people are going to read your posts at all, let alone give you a chance to win.
-
Oh yeah, whatever...he's just jealous of your response! I thought it was great! No one has wanted a zombie yet. I was starting to feel sorry for the little guy! Bravo!
SO, THE DEADLINE IS TODAY, GUYS! IT'S YOUR LAST CHANCE TO PUT IN YOUR TWO CENTS FOR THE PERFECT...WHATEVER IN YOUR LIFE!
-
The obvious choice would be the superhero. But to all those who picked this? Two words:
Gwen.
Stacy.
Yeah, Spider-Man fans know what I'm talking about. C_C_ YEAH.
All these folks have their pros and cons, and I could go on and on about them. But let's just stick to the basics here.
I'm-a go with werewolf. I'm of German/Scottish heritage myself, so hairy men honestly don't bother me one bit. And the howling at night? Hawt. (But I'm sure this is a PG essay, so I don't think details are necessary, eh? Uwah ha ha ha ha ha!)
A werewolf man generally retains all of his macho self for the majority of the time. And this doesn't bug me. The more manly a guy is, the more secure I feel about being a girly-girl. I assume he'd be pretty decently-built, too. Whoever heard of a skinny nerdy werewolf? We'd settle down in a nice log cabin out in the boonies, and when 'that time of the month' rolls around, I'm sure he'll bring back some fresh venison. I'm all about that.
With his part-canine heritage, a girl would get all the benefits that came along with it. Loyalty, devotion, affection, superomgomgfriggin' happy to see you come home, protective, and oh-so-pettable.
'But oh laws, how could you keep a werewolf under control????' some might ask. Fear not! Just follow this easy, money-saving guideline:
Step 1: Lay newspaper on a flat surface.
Step 2: Starting from the shortest edge, slowly roll said newspaper into a tight cylinder.
Step 3: Swat offender on the snout and state, in a very firm voice, "NO. BAD."
If these steps fail, withhold Beggin' Strips.
--Posted by your lovin' cousin, Steph. :D
-
Oh great! Now it will sound like nepotism if I pick your entry! Did you HAVE to say you were my cousin???--good thing Nessa is here to make us look honest, AT LEAST! That really made me laugh though . You always did have a way of making a completely disgusting guy seem so hawt! Can anyone say Porthos? Ha ha, just kidding! Just kidding! I'm ducking the blows right now!
-
Mwah ha ha ha ha!
You would've known it was me from the title anyway, ho ho. And yeah, I wanted to pick the one most people wouldn't go for. I was gonna try zombie, but I just sat there going... 'Man, I don't think I could handle the smell. And he'd probably eat babies.'
So no zombie for me.
PORTHOS IS HOT (as long as he's the Oliver Platt version, everyone else makes him so disgusting).
-
I changed my mind. You want creativity? HAVE SOME CREATIVITY! >: D
* * * * *
"Halloween is coming up."
I made a noncommittal 'Mm' as I bobbed my head, just so he knew I'd heard, and that I was acknowledging him. He knew I didn't talk much when I was reading the living section of the newspaper.
"I should probably start thinking of a cos--"
"Wolverine," I remarked, and turned the page. I didn't look up, but I could tell he was smiling.
"Wolverine would be great. HE'S great." I heard his footsteps as he crossed the room, stopping near the kitchen entrance. "Don't know if I can pull off the spandex, though."
"Mm," I said again.
Then he cursed. He didn't usually do that, so I paused, leaving the editorial partially-read as I lifted my eyebrows at him. He wasn't looking, though, just frowning at the calendar. "What's up?" I asked, since I knew he wanted me to.
"Full moon on Halloween."
"Oh." Pause. "That's too bad."
"Yeah." He looked somewhat crestfallen. The guy was like a big kid sometimes, but I was the same way. We both liked the idea of costumes and dressing up.
I thought about it for a moment, then said, "Be Chewie."
"Huh?" He turned, giving me a strange look.
"Chewie," I said again. "You know, Chewbacca. From Star Wars."
He looked at me a moment longer, then looked up at the ceiling for a moment. "Yeah. Chewbacca's cool." He seemed pleased, and his shoulders ceased to slump. "I can do that." I smiled and went back to my editorial.
He was quiet for several minutes. I wasn't sure what he was thinking about, and had forgotten to pay attention after a little while. I was a little surprised when I felt his chin settle on my knee, and I bent the paper down to look at him. He knew it was a surefire way to get my attention without nagging, and he smiled every time he did it. Probably because it worked.
I couldn't resist. My hand instinctively went for his hair, mussing it affectionately. "What?" I chuckled.
His grin widened and he closed his eyes for a moment, leaning into my touch. "Nothing, really. Just felt like it."
Good answer, I thought to myself. I didn't know if it was true or not, but it was still pretty sweet. So I set the paper aside, absently playing with his short, brown hair. It looked shaggy, but it was soft to the touch. He sure had a lot of it, too, but that was to be expected, all things considered.
His arm draped across my legs as he settled down next to my chair, leaning in and making himself comfortable. It was adorable. It almost seemed a crime to think of a brawny, tough guy like him as 'adorable,' but there was just something about him. He was warm, cheerful, and endearingly innocent about things. When he went for a hug, it was just that. A hug. He didn't try to squish me up against him, like some guys would in their creepy sort of way. And when he smiled, he flashed all his teeth, his brown eyes crinkling at the edges. He had a great smile.
I leaned back in my chair, exhaling quietly as I brushed my thumb over his forehead. "You know, the weather's still pretty nice, for October."
He didn't say anything, but I could feel his gaze shifting back to me.
"...We could go for a walk in the park," I suggested, and glanced down at him to gauge his reaction.
He flashed another one of those smiles, waggling his eyebrows. "You gonna make me wear a leash?"
I reached for the newspaper and started rolling it.
"I'm kidding, come on!" he laughed, jerking backwards out of reach and holding up his hands. "No, really, park sounds good. Let's do that." He stood to his feet and reached for my hands, pulling me to my feet. I didn't let go, just curling my fingers over his as I tugged him closer, and kissed his forever-stubbled cheek.
"Love you," I murmured, smiling up at him.
He smiled back, and looped an arm over my shoulders to draw me to his chest. He sighed happily, and I did the same. "Love you too."
We stayed like that for a while, just happy to be next to each other. I loved his warmth, his scent of pine and clean sweat always present. I didn't think sweat could smell good, but it suited him somehow.
"Thanks," he said after a moment. I wasn't sure what he meant, so I shifted, looking up at him inquisitively. He was looking at some distant point in the room, his smile lopsided. "You know. For being with someone like me."
"Like you?"
"Yeah, you know." He blinked, and looked down at me again. "A werewolf and all."
I admit, it wasn't easy at first. He was different in lots of strange ways. I lectured him pretty sternly when he kept ordering his steaks rare. 'It's not healthy!' I protested. 'Neither is Ben & Jerry's,' he shot back.
He got his steak.
He didn't complain if I didn't feel like shaving my legs. Heck, he forbade me from getting my eyebrows waxed anyore. I wanted to cut my hair; it got frizzy when it went past a certain length. When I told him, his mouth opened into an 'o' of horror, and he flung himself in front of the door. "I like it long," was all he'd said, giving me his most pathetic look. So we stayed home and watched a movie instead.
"Well," I drawled thoughtfully, skritching his back. "I got used to it."
-
Ha ha! I liked your other entry better! Oh, now I'm really in for it!
-
WHAT.
What.
Heresy. Blasphemy.
Also sign onto AIM, then I can chat at you.
-
i am glad that i was informed early on that capital letters were so frowned upon. otherwise i might have mistakenly used them. ::)
Anyway I must admit that choosing the right guy is always difficult. When one takes into consideration whom one will be with for an extrodinary amount of time it takes a great deal of time. And so it is with much pleasure that I present my ideal mate. I have noticed that this forum has forgotten the all time great, Mister Frankenstein's monster. Yes who could leave out such a man he is tall, strong,broad shouldered, and he has such a way with children. He is also quite a fine dresser. He wears a suit for almost every occasion! He is quiet yet thoughtful, and such a good listener. You know that only the best parts went into making such a wonderful man. Despite a few flaws like some odd body piercings and a little bit of a temper I believe that he would make a wonderful mate.
-
And the winner is…
Did you ACTUALLY think I was just going to tell you like that? No way. I’m gonna make you wait for that breathtaking moment when all your dreams come true. Oh yeah. Let’s give it a couple of days…so, next Tuesday, it is…when the clock strikes some time after midnight on Monday, probably quite a FEW hours after that when I get up to go to work on Tuesday. I'm not completely a martyr, ya know…
So, we’ll see ya here next Tuesday in your black tuxes and slinky dresses appropriate for such an award ceremony as this most certainly will be. Until then you can make appropriate comments!
Later!
-
Ladies and Gentleman…
Well, so I couldn’t wait until midnight tonight. Either I was just really excited OR I was having a slumber party where there was no internet access tonight (take your pick—we’ll see what kind of person you think I am), SOOOO you’re going to have to get the news early…I am so dreadfully sorry.
Okay, for those who aren’t able to attend the award ceremony at the appointed hour at the appointed place, no worries. My secretary is taking implicit (and rather explicit) minutes of all that is transpiring at this very moment on this, the most magical of evenings.
And if you read ahead, YOU ARE SUCH A JERK…! Okay, let’s do this.
[clear throat] To my right, a group of sophisticated and appropriately gowned individuals applaud madly, and of course, whisper excitedly behind gloved hands (um, that’s you, you’re the nominees). To my left, slick waiters and slinky waitresses weave expertly through the mobs of eager party-goers (don’t worry about them, they’re just there to fill the gaps—I paid ‘em).
Oh, and of course, in the back, Garfield is passed out in a pan of lasagna (why, pick on Garfield?—‘cause I can—he’s an easy target and it’s nicer than picking on the other celebrities I considered).
But who cares about all that, let’s get to the Honorable Mention Awards (and then you may complain all you like, right?).
P.S: Honorable mention does NOT mean that you WON’T win, it JUST means that we think you need honorable mention. Is that alright? Okay…
And no, I didn’t say I was going to do this BUT since I thought it would be more fun, here we go:
Honorable mention goes to (and our envy…yeah, that’s ALL you win for honorable mentions—at this point—unless you are also ‘The Actual Winner’—but that’s yet to be determined at the end of this page. Soooo all you need do now is take your bows. And please put them in your resumes when applying for special positions in the government or when working with small children):
The first and foremost on my mind:
'The Mr. Congeniality Challenged award’ My, oh my, it was a close one…between Saint Ehlers and…SE. BUT AFTER CLOSE EXAMINATION AND MUCH SEARCHING OF MY HEART, this most coveted award… goes to Saint Ehlers AND SE [audience claps politely].
Hey, you worked hard for it. Take it. Take it. You deserve it. You started this contest with a bang and ended it with a bang. Go on, you nut!
[St. Ehlers/ SE takes the award gives a long speech about how he has no one to thank but himself, and after a heated debate on the intricacies of whether an evil arch-nemesis is a superhero or a villain, leaves the stand escorted by a rather forceful looking fellow only to be saved by his superhero slave. I shake my head fondly]. What a character.
Next:
'The Attempted Nepotism Award’ goes to Eve, ur…uh, Faeten…of course. It would’ve worked too…if it hadn’t been for those darn kids…and the fact that she signed it, ‘your cousin.’ Don’t worry, baby. I’ll let you read MY copy of the book.
[thumbs up, she gives me a different sign. Hmmm]
Or how about?
'The Effort to Better our Intellectual Capacity Award’ Of course, it goes to Dan Gaiden. For encouraging me to google Kandra and making me come to the conclusion that he would like to fall madly in love with a little town in India.
And of course we have the:
'Most Improved Boyfriend Award’ Now, who didn’t think this wouldn’t go to Sigyn? Leaving a string of broken hearts behind her, she broke up with first her fairy, then her angel, only to date some mythological god. Rumor has it, her beautiful, yet rejected suitors are waging war against all mankind because of the fickleness of women. You rock, girl!
And the:
'Looking on the Bright Side Award’ goes to Pemberly—obviously. If she can’t have her superhero ALL the time, she’ll at least enjoy the perks: awesome dates (like the dizzying feel of being swallowed in the ground before he rotates the world backwards, or having a bit of fun with the crooks before he comes in for the rescue, and flying through the air just minutes before he spins some web and bounces you off it even higher). Yeah, you make Pollyanna proud.
Which brings us to:
‘World Consciousness Award’ Yes, GigglyGirl, this one is for you. I had never thought so deeply about the evils of dating such messed up creatures until your eloquent arguments. And after wiping the single tear from my eye (yes, I only have one…eye that is), I have yet to see the error of my ways. BUT, I vow daily to choose a better monster to be a role model for my future kids. My posterity (should I have one of them) thanks you.
‘Alone, Yet So Brave Award’ We will grant to our very own, Eagle Prince, for having the courage to remain alone rather than to select an undesirable mate. Would that all of us were that strong. Wait, no, I take that back, you settled for the superhero. Still, it was brilliantly done.
Special Consideration goes to:
Chris Smith: For bringing out the sensitive side of the superhero, complete with tragic past. This perfect man closely resembles Luke Skywalker, though he’s certainly not as whiney…just flawed. Maybe what you mean is that your superhero is just like Han Solo…‘cause that man, now he’s hot.
Caps off to Bukayla, for offending St. Ehler’s sensibilities with your perfect rendition of how a Zombie would type an essay were such a poor thing to type one…yes, in ALL CAPS. And then for showing us the Zombie’s perfect humility and grace when his labored efforts were brutally rejected. If we had just looked beyond the caps…yeah, pure genius. NO, FOR REAL, REALLY!
And finally to our dear Swiggly. Surprisingly enough after the Twilight series, you’re our only vampire lover. But when you bring up chocolate in your argument, how can any girl resist such a man?—even at the loss of our souls?
And a Jolly Good effort goes to:
Tink with her short, sweet, albeit logical response. She never chose a man, sure. But that wasn’t what she was all about. She was about getting the details straight…and getting some good heckling done while she was at it. And by George, she accomplished what she set out to do…
Cindylou 33, for bringing true art to this forum. I felt like I was reading a haiku poem. I could almost imagine the funky psychedelic spirals behind it. It dazzled the senses and was, ah, sooo deep and romantic. And we’re all about romance, of course.
The Lizardking, or is she THE Lizardqueen??? Yes, we grant you ‘The Look into the Heart Award.’ May Frankenstein find such a woman as thou art…yeah, you! You looked past those stupid rumors, and saw the true gentleman in Frankenstein. We all thank you this day.
And finally (sort of, but not really ‘cause we have more), a special thanks to our judges:
To Nessa (the ever so beautiful and gracious judge of all that is good), for her countless hours of service. When no one else was writing on my site, she did so…and boldly. She most assuredly would’ve won if not for being the very judge of this contest. We grant her the ‘Humor Steph for the Month Award.’
And of course, The Greatest Award in the World goes to me. For attempting to keep everyone from killing each other, which is a really desperate and heavy responsibility. I just sat there, staring at the screen, rocking back and forth, muttering, “Why, why? Why must the world be full of these…people?”
That’s everybody, right???
Okay, now for our Runner Ups:
Just who were our runner-ups? Well, there were quite a few…let’s see…St. Ehlers (Nessa said she laughed out loud pretty much every time he put anything down), my cousin (but we just didn’t feel right about giving my cousin the prize ‘cause I dunno, everyone would get mad, but we really really liked it), the Lizardking (we suspect she’s my sister…and yeah, you are, so don’t try to hide it!), CindyLou33 (it really made me want to cry…in a good way. I thought it was really cool), Pemberly (Nessa liked the fact that with your superhero you could have a family life and yet be romantic at the same time), Eagle Prince ‘cause it just gave me a good chuckle, that’s why.
Really, I could go on and on about the runner ups, and on all of you actually, BUT shall we proceed to the complaints instead? I mean, announce our winner that is? Okay, the winner, it is.
Drum roll please…
The winner is…BUKAYLA!!!!
[SHOCKED GASPS, DISGRUNTLED MURMURS, UPROAR]
Aigh, come on up, girl! You win the prize!
Nessa LOVED your entry (and she wrote LOVE in all caps too, so I knew that she really must).
AND I READ IT OUT LOUD TO MY FAMILY AND THEY ALL THOUGHT IT WAS HILARIOUS TOO (maybe because they didn’t have to read it in all caps, I dunno).
Or maybe St. Ehler’s played the Simon Cowell trick and brought you to our attention…
Or maybe we just liked the fact that someone would give a guy with rotting flesh a chance.
But girl…you got it.
So, my dear Zombie lover, you know who you are, and I’m sure you know how to get to me [private note, your address, blah blah blah] so you can be paid appropriately for your crimes: one free and signed copy of my book, Meet Your Match just as soon as I run and get it at the store.
AND TO EVERYBODY ELSE, I wish I could sprinkle free copies on all of you…which is why maybe I should get together with a fairy…or a millionaire sometime. Until then, I know a great sale…
You ALL did an awesome job (with your added drama, your sweat, tears, and your hilarity). Thank-you ever so kindly for making this so much fun! Now, I’m in the writing mood, so I’m off to write. I’ll just try not to steal your ideas (‘CAUSE they were ever so awesome!).
Love, Steph (and Nessa)
-
lol
I can see it now, zombie is clearly the best choice. Plus, you could always end up with a voodoo zombie. That way you can avoid the rotting flesh and brain-eatings, they look mostly human and do whatever you say (but they get that glassy-eyed, half-baked blank stare... but then again, how is that different then any other date, honestly?) Of course, once their family learns that you've been drugging them with zombie powder, they will tear you limb-from-limb, cut out your heart, then burn it and feed the ashes to the zombie (the surefire folk cure for voodoo magic).
-
I am actually adamantly against any type shape or sort of vampire books because I absolutely hate them with no exceptions. Everyone is reading those stupid books. Half of my former friends lie all the time about their secret lives of being vampires with their imaginary brothers and crap. I really hate vampire books and people who think their vampires.
But in theory, a vampire would be a good boyfriend.
-
LOL
Um. Guitarbabe, get with the program. ;) 'Kandra' is from Brandon's Mistborn series.
-
Aighhhhhhhhhhhh! Nessa, you're awesome!
Ha ha! I TOLD you that Dan Gaiden was attempting to improve my intellectual capacity, I didn't say that he succeeded! And...ur...yeah...I'm a bad friend. Sorry Brandon!!! It is on my list of things to read (and since I'm always failing at that list...ur yeah--let's just say that all my friends are mad at me). And thank-you Dan, I will always be indebted to you...
So, yeah, what's a kandra? My guess was something that ate people to somehow become them. Don't ask me the details, it was just a guess from what Dan was saying. Am I right? Am I right?
-
Glad to be of assistance G-babe.
And yes, you are technically correct about the Kandra. But they just end up looking like the person that they have previously eaten. No characteristics change. This is, unfortunately, one flaw to my otherwise perfect reasoning. Looks only would change.
Good luck apologizing to Brandon. I was quite confused at the India reference, but laughing quite heartily upon Nessa's rebuttal. Always happy to add to the conversation.
-
Ah ha ha ha! I think I win an extra honorable mention for giving you an excuse to use the word 'nepotism'. ;)
But I agree, Bukayla's entry was awesome, I laughed a lot. Good job, yo!