Timewaster's Guide Archive

General => Everything Else => Topic started by: 42 on July 18, 2007, 05:23:04 AM

Title: What do you do?
Post by: 42 on July 18, 2007, 05:23:04 AM

So this is the scenario:

A fairly socially innept person of moderate physical attractiveness walks up to you and says: "I've just had the Spirit tell me that I should marry you." (a not so uncommon occurance among certain religious groups)

Co-worker response (female): Starts crying "Really? I've been praying for someone to say just that. I just came from the doctor and even though I'm a virgin--I'm pregnant. I been praying for someone to help me raise my child."

My response (male): Give her a big hug "I'm so happy I found you. I just learned I have only one year left to live and I need someone fertile to be the bearer of my children."

Other possible responses?
(Please nothing abusive or too off-colored)

Title: Re: What do you do?
Post by: Peter Ahlstrom on July 18, 2007, 06:45:23 AM

What brought this on, 42? o.o

Title: Re: What do you do?
Post by: The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers on July 18, 2007, 02:17:15 PM

I assume these are supposed to be humorous?

"Good, I need a willing sacrifice to the Great Old Ones and they have demanded I marry her first."

Title: Re: What do you do?
Post by: Harbinger on July 19, 2007, 05:38:28 AM

"Okay, that invitation is what we call, 'less effective.' First you need to build a relationship of trust, then invite, preferably with a well-phrased 'will you?' statement."

Title: Re: What do you do?
Post by: WriterDan on July 19, 2007, 05:40:06 PM

Male response:  "Why baby?  Ain't nothin we can't do now that we can if we get hitched.  Let's just hit my place."  <<wink and cheesy grin>>  (Mostly here, I'm digging for an offended response from the questioner after they have just put forth one of the lamest, but unfortunately not unheard of, attempts at matrimony.)

M/F response:  Start speaking in any foreign language at 10X speed, throwing your arms madly through the air.  If they're attractive, give em a big wet one and then turn your head and spit, then walk away.  If not, spit on their shoes and walk away.

Female response:  Fake a faint.

M/F response:  Give em your best donkey laugh and snort.  Then pretend that you're choking on your own phlegm.

Female response:  Look around frantically, grab the nearest random female walking past and say, "Sorry, but I think you misunderstood the message.  It was actually for her," and then turn and high-tail it out of there.