Timewaster's Guide Archive
Local Authors => Brandon Sanderson => Topic started by: EUOL on February 02, 2006, 05:55:02 PM
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This is mostly for Stacer and Ms. Fish, who helped a lot with this particular revision. Just thought I'd let you know the changes that I made, based on your reccomendations:
Joshua,
Alcatraz rewrite is done. This is a good one--I think I finally have things finished. And, I hope that your concerns about the book are now resolved.
Here is a small list of changes I've made to the text. I'll put the book itself into the mail today or tomorrow, along with the contracts that I still have.
Alcatraz Revision 6.0
* I figured that "Inner World" an "Outer World" were too confusing. A lot of readers couldn't keep them straight. So, now they are "The Free Kingdoms" for the continents we Americans don't know about and "Bibliovania" for the nations controlled by the Librarians.
* I heightened the tension a bit at the beginning of the book, as Joshua asked. I think the particular problem was that I never established that there was a time requirement on getting the Sands back. So, I mentioned in a couple of places that smelting the Sands of Rashid into Lenses would only take a few hours, and after that it would be too late--the Librarians would have a dangerous weapon. I think this makes the story more tense.
* I made Alcatraz and Bastille fifteen, instead of fourteen, based on recommendations from people who know more about YA than I do.
* I've weakened (slightly) Alcatraz's understanding of why forces his foster parents to abandon him. That way, when he discovers that he drives people away intentionally, it's a stronger climax.
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Sounds good, EUOL. So you decided to specifically target a YA audience, then? I'd be interested in seeing the first few chapters again sometime and seeing how they feel different. The feel for a YA is different from a feel for a middle grade, and the first few chapters, at least, felt very MG before, but perhaps changing his self-awareness might have taken care of that.
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Awesome, EUOL! Best of luck getting it picked up! That book really does deserve to be published. It's hilarious.
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Joshua isn't to fond of "Bibliovania". I kind of like it, but I did come up with it quickly. Either of you (or anyone else) have responses?
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It took me three tries to figure out how it could be pronounced (biblovia . . . bilbovania . . .) Maybe something that doesn't sound like a biography (or bible, depending on a person's background).
I'm excited to see all the changes to the story. I only read the first draft of it, so a LOT has changed since then. But with this book I'd like to wait and read it as a book, rather than on the computer.
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I didn't like it too much either, but was in a hurry this afternoon to finish a proof and forgot to mention it. I thought it was too much like "bibliomania."
You need something original, like Spiderwick is original--it's a common word (spider) spiced up. It needs to sound catchy. (I just went through this with my own search for a name for a series.) So, you're on the right track, but "biblio" is too obvious for me. What's "book" in Korean? You might want to play with that.
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Korean? It doesn't feel like that would fit in at all.
Another romance language, maybe.
Since one is "The Free Kingdoms," maybe something that suggests that the other kingdoms are being information controlled...
I'll have to think about it.
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I was just suggesting it as something to play with. But you're right, a Romance language would be better.
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The Datacrocy of Librins.
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Since one is "The Free Kingdoms," maybe something that suggests that the other kingdoms are being information controlled...
Propogandia
In China, in the heyday of the communists, they actually had a "Ministry of Propoganda", which for us westerners would be bizarre.
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the Librocacy (Lie-BROCK-osy)
Behind the Iron Bookshelf
Shushvya or Shushnya (to sound like Chechnya), could also play on this same line with the word Hush. Hushvya/ Hushnya
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Ooo! I like Shushnya.
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Yes, yes. Shushnya or Hushnya are awesome.
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Shushnya and Hushnya are awesome. Those sound kind of Russian to me though (being a non-speaker) and that has political connotations.
I like the term "Iron Bookshelf" a lot, but it has political connotations too.
I've been wracking my brain, but I think my creative juices are all dried up today.
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In light of the current protests happening around the world, why not really be "edgy" and call it Muslimania or Islamica? Then again, you could go the "anti-American" route and call it Bushisdumbia, Americasucksnya, or We'llwiretapwhoeverwegoshdarnpleasia.
I'm great with names. ;D Need any more suggestions?
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Ha! I like Shushnya/Hushnya. Let me see what Joshua thinks. Thanks, guys!
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Why not Shushnia/Hushnia? Less slavic, more Transylvania...Pennsylvania...uh...
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Good point. Easier to read.
Though I'll probably use the Iron Bookshelf.
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[Dr. Evil]
Is it an Iron Bookshelf of Doom?
[/Dr. Evil]
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Iron Bookend like the iron curtain?
Something with "Bloc" in it... *shrug*
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Shushnia and Hushnia is much better.
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Yeah, Hushnia and Shushnia are definitely easier to read.
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Wow, Fish, we posted almost exactly the same thing at exactly the same moment. How's that for weird?
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Further evidence that Fish and CtrlZed aren't the same person.
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Or ARE we?
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Spriggan knows too much. Dispatch ninjas!
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. . . and poison dart frogs!
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Joshua and company aren't thrilled with Hushnia. It is better, however.
Lately, I've just been thinking of calling it 'Inner Libraria.' That way, there could be an Outer Libraria too--a kingdom filled with people who know about the Free Kingdoms, and are fighting against them.
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You mean that the worlds that are under Librarian control would be Inner Libraria, and the Free Worlds would be called Outer Libraria by the Librarians, but the Free Worlds by themselves? I think that would work--make the Outer Libraria be a secondary name, therefore less confusing.
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Spriggan knows too much. Dispatch ninjas!
Sprig is one of my agents. Now *you* know too much. You lose.
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Oh no, the ninjas are turning on me! How was I supposed to know, that in my quest for knowledge, I came to know too much?
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And yet you know so little. The ninjas were never truly on your side.
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I've had it with this brand of ninjas. Next time I'm going with a different ninja-making company.
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Sorry babe. SE is the leader of the cartel.
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Yeah. I have an illegal monopoly on it. But, y'know, who's going to stop me? I mean, i make NINJAS.
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yes, and I train Gorillas to steal pants.
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So that's where mine went.
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e,
Sorry to infringe on your ninjas. Is there a monopoly on robot pelicans?
Parker,
Your gorillas or your pants?
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Both
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I can get you a good deal on some mail-order ninjas. (http://www.tokyopop.com/mangaonline/series_page.php?seriesDir=mailorderninja)
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LOL. I wonder if the Drive-Thru Ninja market is open as well.
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In case it is helpful, the real Russian for book is Kaneega. Depending on what case it is in, it can also be Kaneegu (direct object) or Kaneegi (plural). I think Kaneegu sounds pretty cool, and you could play around with the letters to make it look cooler too, like Khanigu, or Canyguw.
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You can also have ninjas deliver your fast food (http://www.ninjaburger.com/)
Also, I've also done some reviewing (http://www.timewastersguide.com/view.php?id=143) on the subject. (as well as some supplemental material (http://www.timewastersguide.com/view.php?id=636))
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You can also have ninjas deliver your fast food (http://www.ninjaburger.com/)
"Guaranteed delivery in 30 minutes or less, or we commit Seppuku!"
haha. Now that's what a call a good motivator.
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Ninja Burger links. Those made me laugh out loud several times this morning. (My coworkers gave me strange looks, and I just asked them what they were doing for lunch.)
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I thought Bibliovania was fine. The word for library in spanish, portuguese and italian is biblioteca. In french its only slighty different.
Shushnia/Hushnia is ok too, but I dont see them being any more liked by the people who I sell books to in my store.
The iron bookend is a great idea.
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I acutally had and idea at work (i know amazing...) - after talking to a guy in spanish for a few minutos, I thought of the word Libreria (word for book store if a couple of languages). Plus this sounds more like librarian controlled...
Since you have the Free Kingdoms, you may want to have some sort of name that implys control over the remaining ones - i dont know, the Libreria Circle or something...
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Just wondering that if it's accepted, will you use a pseudonym since it's YA?
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Probably not, Nessa. Pretty much everyone I've talked to says that there isn't a lot of interference or confusion when an author writes in both. So, the crossover audiences (who jump from YA to adult or vice versa) is worth the trouble.