Timewaster's Guide Archive

General => Site News => Topic started by: House of Mustard on July 10, 2003, 12:41:08 PM

Title: Urgent Press Release
Post by: House of Mustard on July 10, 2003, 12:41:08 PM

Apparently, the following press release was sent out to a lot of papers in Utah.  Only City Weekly printed it, and did so because they thought it was hilarious.  It is from a group called America's Loving Intervention for our Nation's Children.

"Why is Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, J.K. Rowling's fifth book, being released at midnight, 12:01 a.m., on June 21, a date on the official Satanic calendar, one of their eight most important annual holy days that calls for a Satanic human sacrifice? And why have many teachers, preachers and nearly all of the national and international media been promoting Rowling's 'white' witchcraft in schools, when they are so opposed to Christian holy days being honored, as the foundation of America?

"Why is Rowling so private about her personal life? Anyone who knows so much about witchcraft is either going to expose and oppose witchcraft, white and black, or s/he will help promote both.

"Was Elizabeth Smart a victim of these evil deeds? ... Why does she and all of her siblings have English royalty, Illuminati names? ... Illuminati's/33rd Degree Masons' No. 1 goal? Destruction of families!"

Title: Re: Urgent Press Release
Post by: Fellfrosch on July 10, 2003, 12:48:12 PM

Elizabeth Smart was kidnapped by J.K. Rowling's coven of masons? It's all falling into place...

Title: Re: Urgent Press Release
Post by: Tage on July 10, 2003, 05:04:14 PM

Okay, see that last paragraph of the report? I have no idea what it's even trying to say. Talk about your raving lunatics...

Title: Re: Urgent Press Release
Post by: Entsuropi on July 10, 2003, 05:17:33 PM

Do not forget the D&D geeks that helped them kidnap the girl.

Title: Re: Urgent Press Release
Post by: The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers on July 10, 2003, 11:05:11 PM

I DID NOT!!

You can't prove anything!

Title: Re: Urgent Press Release
Post by: Mad Dr Jeffe on July 10, 2003, 11:24:23 PM

Spriggans been writing random manifestos to newspapers again.

Title: Re: Urgent Press Release
Post by: Spriggan on July 11, 2003, 12:34:03 AM

acrualy that sounds more like something 42 would do.  If it was me I'd be demanding money somewere.