Angst & Frustrations Galore

[Master Xaio]

Ok, this is going to be long.  To some of you it may just seem like whinging, and in the big scheme of things its not that important I spose, but... yeah.  Anyway.  'The story so far...'

This is about a girl.  Some of you obviously want to tune out now.  Thank you.  So...

I met her online, and she lived near me, so we met up.  One thing led to another, we started going out, etc.

Then she moved.  Her parents wanted money to buy some surrounding properties, so they moved to a little town called Premer (hole++) to run a general store.  Its 5 and a half hours away.  So this was back in september.  

For various reasons, we weren't able to see each other, but we were told early December, we'd be able to meet.   We finally get to late November.  Her mother:

"Oh, no, definitely not until the 9th, we're too busy".

About the 8th.  Again, her mother:

"Well, its the harvest season now, sorry, you'll have to wait until early January.  Definitely then."

All throughout this we've both been told various lovely things by our parents including:

"Stop being so selfish"
"Its only a zillioneth of a lifetime"
"Just get over it"
"A few more months doesn't matter"
etc.

You get the point.  We get to January, and her mother is putting off calling, again and again, refusing to give us a date.  My dad has to go away on the 10th, and we were kinda hoping for it being before then, as her mother wanted to meet both my parents.  Her mother's opinion:

"Well why don't we wait until he gets back?"  Because, y'know, as we *(&%#ing told you, my father will be away until the end of Febuary.

So it went on and on like this until monday.  Then we get the killer.  This is a general overview of the conversation between Beca and her mother, excluding the half hour of expletives from the parents...

Her mother and father were discussing 'whether or not Beca was mature enough to stay over at someone's place' (though she's done it **many** times before).

Beca: The reason you're saying that is so you don't have to organise the trip.
Parents:  We don't need our "integrity impugned" (sp?) by a 14 yr old! You can't go visit him until you're more mature.

And... now they won't talk about it AT ALL, and we're left wondering.  We don't know how long its gonna be, its been about 4 months since we last saw each other, so... yeah.  

</rant>

[Spriggan]

I wouldn't let my 14year old daughter go visit someone in another town unless it was a relative or I was with her.  I think her parents are doing the right things there.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

yeah, I wouldn't let my 14yo daughter stay a guy's house even if it was near. In a distant town? NOt at all.

[Peter Ahlstrom]

However, they should have said so right up front instead of dithering around and putting things off.

And 14-year-olds should not be dating. My personal belief is that people who are not ready and looking to get married should not be dating in other than group dates. But whether you believe that or not there should be absolutely no dating until you're 16.

[Mad Dr Jeffe]

Yeah, I agree about that dealing with it the way they did was tantamount to lying, since it seems they have no intention of letting them have any contact.

They should have been up front about it.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

well, that's what I would have done at the first anyway.

I reckon, however, to put the parents' side forward, that they probably were uncomfortable but weren't sure if it was being overprotective or if they were justified. They needed a reason to act on their concerns.

That doesn't make it right, but it does make it understandable.

[fuzzyoctopus]

But whether you believe that or not there should be absolutely no dating until you're 16.

Or 18.  I waited until I was 16 and all my really stupid mistakes were inbetween 16 and 18.

[fuzzyoctopus]

I agree her parents should be upfront instead of making up lame excuses.

Or 18.  I waited until I was 16 and all my really stupid mistakes were inbetween 16 and 18.

[Spriggan]

Ya, I agree too that the parents should have said no dice.  Though from the originaly post it seams like Outcast was saying that the parents were going to go with her to his place, then when that didn't happen they wouldn't let her go by herself.  If thats the case then the parents didn't do anything wrong in my mind.

Of course I cannot see how any parent would let a 14 year old travel alone to visit a friend let alone a boyfriend.  No offence Outcast, but people are never as mature as they think they are, heck just use this board as a prime example.  We've got lots of people 24 years old and up who act like 12 year olds.

[Mistress of Darkness]

Or 18.  I waited until I was 16 and all my really stupid mistakes were inbetween 16 and 18.

Well . . . I waited until I was 18 and all my really stupid mistakes were between 18 and 20 (iow I continued to make stupid mistakes, but they were less spectacular), so some of it is probably just experience.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

I think all your really stupid mistakes happen in the first two years of dating. Which means it really should be put off as long as possible so you can deal with the consequences better.

[Archon]

I reckon, however, to put the parents' side forward, that they probably were uncomfortable but weren't sure if it was being overprotective or if they were justified. They needed a reason to act on their concerns.

Correct me if I misinterpret this, but it seems like you are admitting that the parents are setting a trap. They are worried and they want there to be something to be worried about. Therefore, they waited until they found something that could be considered reasonable to be upset about, and then they sprang their trap, saying that their daughter couldn't go, and dismissing her arguments as "immature." How just is that?

Her parents were not only dishonest and unfair with what they did, they also dont seem very intelligent about it. First of all, I should think that they would know better than to dismiss anything that their daughter said, giving the minor justification that she isn't mature enough. Does that completely discard any possibility of her having something worthwhile to say? Also, one would think that her parents would know that just dismissing someone's ideas, especially a teen, tends to provoke defiance, and a feeling of isolation. When they are alienated from their parents, and think they don't understand, it drives them closer to, in this case, Xiao. It seems that they also openly lied, repeatedly. They mentioned something about resenting their integrity being impuned by her, but they seem to have done that themselves, and it seems unjust for them to punish her for pointing out that they had dealt wrongly with her.

But whether you believe that or not there should be absolutely no dating until you're 16.

In your opinion. Your opinion may be shared by many, but it is still your opinion. Therefore, I think it is unfair for you to try to say that, as a rule, other people shouldnt be allowed to date until 16.

"Stop being so selfish"
"Its only a zillioneth of a lifetime"
"Just get over it"
"A few more months doesn't matter"

Also, I don't get this. No sympathy at all. Xaio, you and Beca, you should both tell your parents to go live far away from each other, and tell them that they can't see each other for at least 4 months, and, whenever they protest, tell them that it was because they were being immature, and they should "Stop being so selfish" Or, tell them to imagine how they would feel in that position.

[n8sumsion]

Maybe I'm above-average in the stupid mistakes department, but I spent well over 2 years making them. Good thing I've gotten them out of my system now!

I say, get your stupid mistakes out of the way as early as possible, then you can sneer at your peers from your vantage point of early maturity.

[EUOL]

I would just like to say that Outcast deserves a little more sympathy than I've seen expressed for him in this thread.  This is a place for ranting, people.  Might I point out a few things?

1)  Some of us may believe in not dating young, but their parents obviously don't have this rule.  They allowed the two to become involved.  This considered, I find it generally insensitive to now ignore his feelings.

2)  Being young does not make ones emotions any less real or valid.  

3)  You are never too old, or too young, to make stupid dating mistakes.

In addition, why are we assuming that the young lady would have had to stay with him and his family?  Surely she has female friends in the area; she used to live there, after all.  Yes, it would inappropriate for her to stay with him--but surely she could come visit all of her friends in the area, and then have some time to spend with Outkast too.

[Mad Dr Jeffe]

It reminds me of Liam Neason in Love actually... "arent you a little to young to be in love?" "No!" "Oh, well, ahhh"

I empathize with him too... being young sucks.