Wow.
A very good chapter with potential to be even more awesome.
This chapter is my favourite since the one in the beginning with the secret organization, the _____ Hand,( can't quite remember, it's on the tip of my tongue though). It had some very welcome action and a good foreshadowed twist. Although I never expected it to go as far as it did, and I definitely didn't expect Karrys to die, kudos to you for killing off a main character this early on, and giving meaning to her death that defines Garrik's character. Well done.
Okay, now I'm just gonna list off random things that went through my head while reading:
The dialogue was mostly good, but I felt it jarred a bit during Garrik's conversation with Vardis, it had good foreshadowing, but just didn't fit right.
There needed to be more building tension and more anxiety from Garrik during the questioning, because as the whole riot and such seemed too sudden. The tone went from a calm with-butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling, to the adrenaline of a pyromaniac with a flamethrower in a forest. In my humble opinion there should have been more rising action.
Where was Dren? He had a little cameo at the beginning then was gone. I like him and I think he needs more screentime(not just this chapter either, but throughout the book).
The use of the Will was cool. I'm always a sucker for uncontrolled burst of angry power that burns everything and everyone, it was uber neato. Right amount of chaos felt and described, but I could still follow everything.
Would it take half a day to dig a grave?
When he had finished he swore he would never shed another tear
, sorry, but it sounds really cliche. But I can forgive it, cause it's his character swearing it, not you, but still...
He left it buried there in the dirt with his past, his youth. As far as he was concerned he had died too. Garrik was gone.
. This was too telly, in my opinion. Rather than saying all this, maybe just say the first sentence, the rest I want to see in his character and interactions later on. You don't need to tell us, it sounds too cliche and overly dramatic without evidence.
nice ending.
That's about it...Great chapter, but I think it has potential to be more mind shattering and such, I can't wait to see a 3rd or 4th draft version of this chapter(I probably never will, but whatevs) because it will be epic. I really like the direction this is going in, and I like the characters a lot, can't wait to see what happens with Garrik and the Drakkin