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Everything Else / Why Zhaan deserved to be in the crew
« on: October 15, 2002, 11:29:08 AM »
To ease the minds of the other voters, I shall now attempt to explain why Zhaan is the best choice for ship counselor/bartender. Basically, she can kick the crap out of the rest of the contenders. To illustrate this is how she would do it.
First, all of the male contenders would go down quickly as Zhaan seduces each of then and then breaks them apart with her bare hands, with the exception of two: Woody, who’s just ignorant, and Moe, who shows an unusual tolerance towards pain. Zhaan would take down Moe, and the thugs helping him, by sending out a cloud of poisonous spores the kill them all. She would then face Woody, who as we all know is a raging psychopath underneath that kind exterior. Zhaan calmness would eventually prevail against the tempest that is Woody.
This leaves the female contenders. Troi’s psychic abilities would quickly be overwhelmed by the intense psychic powers of Zhaan leaving Troi’s brain as nothing but the ashes from the writers early drafts. Then Zhaan would use her invibility powers to stalk down on Ezri, who would be having an emotional breakdown, and blow her away with a pulse rifle. Next is Guinan, whose age and wisdom matches Zhaan’s. Thus, it would come down to whom has the coolest outfits. While it may appear that Guinan has this match easily won, when you factor in Zhaan’s handicap for being BLUE, Zhaan comes out the victor.
This leaves Zhaan with her greatest challenger: Granny. Having developed immunity to Zhaan’s poison spores and toxic brews, being too stubborn to succumb to Zhaan’s psychic attacks, and having equal marksmanship, Granny is a fierce contender. But come on, who do you think the crew would rather have?
First, all of the male contenders would go down quickly as Zhaan seduces each of then and then breaks them apart with her bare hands, with the exception of two: Woody, who’s just ignorant, and Moe, who shows an unusual tolerance towards pain. Zhaan would take down Moe, and the thugs helping him, by sending out a cloud of poisonous spores the kill them all. She would then face Woody, who as we all know is a raging psychopath underneath that kind exterior. Zhaan calmness would eventually prevail against the tempest that is Woody.
This leaves the female contenders. Troi’s psychic abilities would quickly be overwhelmed by the intense psychic powers of Zhaan leaving Troi’s brain as nothing but the ashes from the writers early drafts. Then Zhaan would use her invibility powers to stalk down on Ezri, who would be having an emotional breakdown, and blow her away with a pulse rifle. Next is Guinan, whose age and wisdom matches Zhaan’s. Thus, it would come down to whom has the coolest outfits. While it may appear that Guinan has this match easily won, when you factor in Zhaan’s handicap for being BLUE, Zhaan comes out the victor.
This leaves Zhaan with her greatest challenger: Granny. Having developed immunity to Zhaan’s poison spores and toxic brews, being too stubborn to succumb to Zhaan’s psychic attacks, and having equal marksmanship, Granny is a fierce contender. But come on, who do you think the crew would rather have?
