Thoughts while Reading:
The discription of his reflection fells awkwardly place; like a blatant info dump.
"Kanrishoku still had those piercing gold eyes then."
Was there a time when she didn't
"Cutting me of, Kanrishoku said."
This should be deleted. The dialogue should show it on its own.
I love the character interaction and that you are so clearly showing the danger of familiar attachment in your world.
I would think that at the end of this encounter you would be able to show how dramatic it is for your MC if you slowed it down and used some repetitive phrasing. Make it feel like time has stopped as he realizes the life he once knew is over.
"That was the end of the meeting, for me at least."
This shift seems a bit abrupt as is. Maybe try just deleting that phrase?
I stood, bowed to sensei’s turned back, and walked away.
My clothes whipped around me furiously."
If this is a complete scene break, is there a way you could make it more obvious? Might also want to catch us up on his activities to get to this point.
The part where he is dividing his things seems overly long.
The part where he was dug out of the snow was done very well.
I don't know if that is what your intending, but besides your narrator, your characters seem a bit dry. Like he's talking to robots or something.
Overall impression:
I just noticed I was assigning genders again... Oops.... Anyway, these scenes were good and and I liked the narrator, but it felt a bit rushed up at first and the world seems empty and glazed over somehow. I guess I am just not getting a very good feel for the world/setting (other than it seems to snow quite a bit
) and the other characters besides the narrator. I think some of that may be intentional and not really a problem per say, but I thought I'd mention it.
I'd also would of like to see what some of the process of planing that trip was since it all ended so badly. Wouldn't they have worried about weather conditions and the width of the path and things before sending them out? Where exactly were they going? Is it a place that our MC had been before?
Two weeks is a long time to be unconscious and to be without food. If he was ready so inflicted, he seems very chipper afterward... but then he is some kind of alien creature so I guess I could suspend my unbelief on that point. One last point is that while him worrying about the pot does help characterize him as childlike, I would expect some other thoughts of the home he was forced to leave behind to enter into the picture as well; maybe bring in some setting and world building that way...
Ag! Calling it a him again. Sorry. I'll just stop now then...
Great Job!!!