Feb 15 Erik Holmes - The Sword of Worlds CH 22 - Ellie

[ErikHolmes]

Next Ellie chapter.

I'm not sure if this is done yet or if it needs more. It seemed like a decent place to stop at though.

Thanks for reading!

[Recovering_Cynic]

Excellent chapter as usual.  My only critique is that Malik uses earth slang which seems out of place.  I thought it was a good place to stop.  Really, I don't see much to improve here.  Ellie just got a bit more interesting.  As to what I liked, here is a list:

1) Finding out about the rings.  The way you did it fit with the story and was very interesting.  I especially appreciated that you left a hint of mystery about some of them.

2) Ellie's inner struggle about freeing Malik.  It was believable, which I appreciated, but not overdone, which I also appreciated.

3) The craziness from Morrigan.  She's a nut, which I like.  A little chaos tossed into the mix.

4) The ending cliff hanger.  It was well played and your reader will want to come back to Ellie for a change.  I also like the lingering dilemma with Bloodbath's healing.  They are thoughts that will stick in your reader's minds.

Hmm... there is one thing I meant to ask about: I thought Ellie and her companions were travelling through worlds.  When did that stop, or are they still?  That's something that was never really cleared up, or if it was, I missed it.

Anyway, well done.

[Shivertongue]

Woot! Ellie!

Loved the chapter. Flew right flew it, and then got upset I didn't have more to read. Ellie's inner conflict over Malik was very strong and, like Cynic said, believable. I couldn't help but think he was trying to manipulate her, though, and the way he kept going on about the sword struck me as suspicious.

Magic rings are always cool. I don't care if someone says they're cliché, jewelry that does more than make you look pretty is always welcome. Sneaky ninja ring = awesome.

Morrigan is a hoot. I love me some offbeat, potentially-crazy prophetess'.

One complaint, and I'm not sure why this is, but the ending, while it was a great cliffhanger, felt like it could be stronger. The impact of an advancing army should be larger. Although them being without their maps and stuff now is a funny little twist of fate.

Again, well done, and I await more. Although I suppose we're getting Kail next, and I'll have to wait for more of Ellie

[LongTimeUnderdog]

I give it. . .  8 stars (out of 10).  Magic rings and pendants make me think of MAR.  MAR is an anime about . . . magic rings and pendants.  It's also about people from Earth going into a fantasy magic land.  The similarities end there, so you're in the clear . . . for now.

I'm less of a fan of things like dragons and such (okay I really think they're cool, but I'm just trying to sound snoody) and the fact that you used the phrase "increase their power and strength."  That also made me think of animes . . . way too many to count.

What's funny is that everything is really good.  Really really good, I still find myself less amused with the magic as things go, so I'll rant a bit more about that.

The list of MAR abilities reads like something out of a DnD buffs list.  "Okay, more strength, more endurance, healing's good.  Gotta be able to light stuff on fire . . . . and death magic.  Yep all there."  I realize you're not going for the originality of the century but when I read the list of magical devices I start to wonder if you're just being lazy in that front.

[Chaos]

Okay, this is a solid chapter and I want more. You're adding more character conflict to Ellie with the decisions she will have to make. This makes it very easy for me to empathize with her. Excellent job doing that, along with throwing Morrigan into the mix to add chaos. I love it. I wonder what she'll do.

I think giving the Sword to Malik will have some consequences. Is Malik really telling the truth with his story? I don't know, but it will be interesting to find out.

Most of all, we're beginning to move to a climax. Not the climax, but if this was a Brandon Sanderson book, I feel like we're reaching the end of a major Part of the book.