Mien Stomph

[Maxwell]

This is a story I just wrote for english, enjoy.                             

             Mien Stomph  
           
                      I was sitting in my room eating dinner, the fragrant aroma of chili wafted from my plate while reports of nazi dinosaurs flashed on the television screen. It was the last day of summer break and I hadn’t slept at all the night before. I was so tired I could have dropped at any moment. As I was about to climb the latter to my loft, an awful screech that sounded like a hundred jagged nails being dragged across a blackboard pierced the air. As I thought to myself "will I ever get any sleep!?" The screech came again; I looked out my window and saw a giant KristalNachtadon! Its scales were jagged and translucent as if it were made of broken glass. I ran outside my house and down the road, but as I was running ,I heard jackboots quick behind me, I looked back and saw a pack of vicious Gestapo raptors.
           
While I was running from the Gestapo raptors I caught sight of the city. I stopped dead in my tracks. The Gestapo raptors however could not hit their brakes quite in time and fell off the cliff. The night air smelled like the inside of a pet shop terrarium, above the town circled an entire fleet of kaiserdactyles. The fleet was large and black like an ominous storm cloud with lots of little teeth. I decided against going into the city. As I made my way to Skofield park I thought to myself, "I’ll never get any sleep now", but at that moment my route was being cut off by an enormous Mengelesaurus, I ran through his legs as fast as I could. While trying to turn and make chase, the Mengelesaurus tripped over an abandon bus and was out cold.  I kept running.
             
I made it to Skofield Park, the trees looked like giant pipe cleaners and the woods smelled of extinguished campfires. As I walked deeper into the forest, I came upon something I never thought would be in the park. It was the Nazisaur Command Post! The ground began to shake and a conveniently placed cup of joe began to ripple. Rising up through the trees I saw the mighty Hitlersaurus Rex! He made move to stomp me. As his leather foot was about to come down, I shouted "Wait! Why are you doing this?"

"We’ve come to do away with the Jewsaurs and Hebrew raptors!" The Hitlersaurus replied.

I then told him that there were no Jewish dinosaurs, and the Hitlersaurus scratched his giant head with his tiny arm(no mean feat) and then shamefully recalled his troops. He withdrew from Santa Barbara, never to be seen again. This would have been great if I had gotten any sleep, but instead I had to great straight to the first day of school.

     The moral of this story is – Nazisuars! I hate those guys.
                                                     The End

[Maxwell]

doesnt any body like my story?  

[JP Dogberry]

No.

[Maxwell]

I didnt ask for your opinion JP I said anybody, not nobody.

[Peter Ahlstrom]

I didn't like it either.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

I read only the last line, and I decided I better not read the rest of it.

[Spriggan]

Tact go buy some.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

woah. Did the world just blow up? Or did Sprig ACTUALLY ask other people to use tact?

[Spriggan]

I'm actualy a very Tackful person, I just rarely choose to be here on the boards since I know most of you.  And this is the place where I can go where I'm not expected to be tackful.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

well, then, i'll let it slide. This time. I can reiterate my judgement with more exacting criticism if you would like.

[Spriggan]

I'm sorry if you find me thinking makeing a dinosaur story out of WW2 concitration camps lacking in tack and class, even us that show little at times know how bad that is.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

oh, i didn't even read that. I thought you were talking about the criticisms. Love how miscommunication is de rigeur on the internet. Yeah, that is tacky (I had no idea what the story was about, I haven't read it, remember).

ANyway, after reading the last line, all I thought was this: ending with "the moral of the story is" rarely works unless it's a personal essay satirizing real things. At least that's been my experience. And the line isn't even a moral. Or anything resembling a moral. It came accross as a weak attempt to get a line that you thought was funny (though it really isn't) but couldn't find a good way to get in to the regular story.

[Maxwell]

um it was a rip off of an ending from indianna jones.
and you ya know what sprig there is an actuall point to the story but I'm guessing you failed to see it because your sense of political correctness was too busy shouting "OH MY GOD HE SAID NAZI! EVIL EVIL EVIL!"

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

actually, no. and that's a very immature way to resond. I realize you're only 15, but please try to grow up.


I do realize the final line was taken from Indiana Jones. But it didn't work. If you want people to tell you how they feel about your work, you're going to have to take what they say. Otherwise, don't ask.

[Maxwell]

No the final line was not the point, the thing about jewish dinosaurs was, a dinosaur is a dinosaur is a dinosaur, and it goes for people too, the idea that the nazis killed jews for being differenrt or ewwhatever is dumb cuz we're all the same animal.
that was the point, and I'm 16 not 15.(my birthday was the 17th)