e and stacer have pretty much hashed this out to MY satisfaction anyway. I think what's been revealed, again, is a universal principle: You can't expect reality to fit a template. And judging others for not fitting your template is wrong, dare I say sinful.
So people who judge OK and Ookla negatively for being responsible in their child-getting choices have a beam to lose. And people who judge women negatively for working outside the home, in the absence of insider information, do too.
My wife stays home. She homeschools our children even. As Stacer points out that doesn't mean she doesn't work. She works as hard or harder than I do. And when I come home she needs a break as much as I do so neither of us gets one until all the kids are in bed for the night. That works for us.
What's most damaging in the discussion on women working outside the home, in my opinion, is the attitude exemplified by people who say stay at home moms are "just moms" as though there's some higher calling in the commercial work force. Please. What ridiculously ignorant condescension.
I was sitting in church on Sunday listening to the same brand of talks and discussion OK was treated to, although not to the same intensity as that story, and it really started to annoy me. Not only because of the specific talks but because of the general trend I see in my ward, and, frankly, the rest of the LDS church that I can see. That trend is to avoid offending anyone at all costs, even at the expense of doctrine. General principles of doctrine are watered down to the point of meaninglessness in order to be all inclusive. For example, there are single moms in our congregation. Not a single talk given on sunday or in the classes after sacrament implied, even remotely, that a traditional family is the best environment for raising kids. Yet that is the doctrine. What's wrong with saying that two hetero parents is ideal for children just because someone who can't/isn't living the ideal can hear you? I think most single moms already know their situation isn't ideal. Yet, for some reason, we can't say it out loud.
How can religion provide a guide to a better path if all paths look equal under the teaching presented in the meetings? The key, in my opinion is to be blunt, blatant and obvious in the teaching of the doctrine and then live that doctrine by, among other things, not judging others. Ideally, a single mom should be able to sit through a three hour block riddled with the hard truth about the doctrines concerning family and chastity and still be comfortable in her faith that neither God nor her peers in the church are judging her for making the best of her reality.
(Note: I make several assumptions in the above post which I hope are clear to the reader. If they're not I apologize for any offense, it was not meant. We'll work it out in subsequent posts I'm sure.
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