Timewaster's Guide Archive
General => Rants and Stuff => Topic started by: GreenMonsta on January 08, 2009, 10:25:13 PM
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So lately I have been involved with a female that I like a good amount. It sparked some disturbing realizations in my head and I figures I would share them with everyone. It might make everyone feel a little bit better about them selves knowing a little bit more about me.
So I guess I will start with saying that I don't enjoy relationships. The longest one I have ever had was about nine months and that happens to be how long it took for my daughter to be born. There is just something about spending time with a woman on a personal level that I find irritating. That's not to say I don't like women, its just saying that I don't like to spend time with them. I know that's shallow and wrong but its true. I guess you can say that I have "flexible morals" and you will find out why if you continue reading.
I have found that the only time that I am interested in persuing a relationship with a woman is when she is unattainable. In the past I have "dated" a number of girls who have already been in a relationship. I don't know why, I just have. The mother of my daughter was actually just out of a year long relationship with someone I knew very well three days before she became pregnant. I got out of Army training and within three days she was pregnant. Before her the last girlfriend I had had also been dating someone when we first started seeing eachother. Since then I have only been interested in two girls. That means that I actually wanted to spend time with them instead of other things. Both of these girls have been "unattainable". The first one I met a month before she was going home to Ireland. We saw eachother a lot over that month and I liked her a lot. Then she moved back home.
Now I find myself in the same old predicament. I have been "seeing" this girl for about a month and a half now and she has a boyfriend. You would think this effects my selfesteam but it doesn't. It doesn't bother me at all really. I like her and we hang out a lot and talk all the time. You would think it would effect my morals, being involved with someone who is in a relationship. But then again I don't care. The way I see it is that she was the one who entered the committed relationship with this guy. I never committed anything to him so I'm not really wrong. No matter how many people tell me I am wrong anyway it still has no effect.
So in the end I have relized that I only want to be around girls who are with someone. No matter how much I hate drama I seem to go right for it. I can't explain to you why, I just do. These are reasons why I belong on Jerry Springer. All of these stories have many interesting details that I have left out but they are all the same in many ways.
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Wow. You must lead a very Interesting life.
I prefer less excitement, well, excitement of that variety. :D
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You could call it interesting.
Funny story: So like three weeks ago I had spent the night over this girls house. It was snowing a lot and roads were terrible so whatever. Anyway the next day the roads were still horrible so she offered to give me a lift home in her truck. I was happy with it so I said sure. So we're pulling out of her driveway and who pulls up behind us??? That's right. . . her boyfriend. So anyway she gets out and talks to him for like five mins in the blizzard while I sit in her truck. Can you say awkward anyone??? Anyway he ends up getting in the truck with us to give me a lift home. Now I lucked out because she hadn't been to my house yet so when we got to my neighborhood I had her drop me off near my house so that god forbid her boyfriend wouldn't know where I lived. I still don't know what she told him about me and frankly I don't care.
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sounds like you have what I like to call "relationship ADD". I don't know if there's any actual term for it, i've just known people like that, where they only desire people they can't have, and once they are allowed to have them (involved in a relationship with them) they lose interest. I don't know if it's inherently a "bad" thing, since everyone has different lusts, dreams, and desires. I've noticed with people who i've known who have been like that, they usually "grow out of it" as they get older, some haven't though.
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Some of us fall on the other extreme of the spectrum.
I've been engaged to the same girl for over four years, and we're still not married (despite my best efforts).
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Could it be that if they are already in a relationship, then there is very little for you to fear about attachments? I was that way for years before I met the woman who became my wife. (I don't know what she was thinking either!)
A lot of it, I think, had to do with my own fear of rejection. If I wasn't in a "real" relationship, then I couldn't be rejected. Or so I thought. Of course, I don't think your situation regales you to Jerry Springer just yet. A couple more three-way relationships at the same time and you'll be there, if you work at it. ;D
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Personally...I think people who go after unavailable parntners are a scourge upon the human race.
Though if they're not married, that doesn't really fit the definition of unavailable.
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"Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hopes of pulling out an eel." –Leonardo da Vinci
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"Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hopes of pulling out an eel." –Leonardo da Vinci
Yet, after 5 years married to my 'eel/snake', I wouldn't wish for anything else :)
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"Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hopes of pulling out an eel." –Leonardo da Vinci
Yet, after 5 years married to my 'eel/snake', I wouldn't wish for anything else :)
I agree entirely!
Loud_G
It seems that's the sentiment of those who've never been (Edit) "Happily" married.
Shaggy
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I was actually just posting a quote by a very wise, sophisticated man that I thought was amusing…it doesn't necessarily show my views. I think marriage is a wonderful thing, actually. But, having a divorce lawyer and family mediator for a father has given me a rather different perspective on marriage, particularly when compared to your average seventh grader.
And I'm pretty sure most seventh graders aren't/haven't-been married, let alone "happily."
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Monsta - Maybe you should go on Dr. Phil instead, so he could lecture you on your fear of commitment.
Shaggy - Excellent point. I think most of us are glad to hear you aren't married, at your age.
Jade - Is your fiancee afraid of commitment? Maybe she needs to go on Dr. Phil.
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Didn't Dr. Phill cheat on his wife???
I know I don't want a commitment so why do I need some huge man to tell me. Plus if I was the one who was commited then I wouldn't be messing around. I don't cheat on people, I do how ever not have any problems being the person someone cheats with. And no its not the same thing.
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Yes. I'm a little young for such a powerful committment. If I was, though, it's a good thing my father's a divocre lawyer!!! ;D
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I was completely joking when I said you (and Jade's fiancee) should go on Dr. Phil. I don't know if Dr. Phil cheated on his wife, but I think his show is kind of stupid and doesn't do a lot of good. From what I've seen of it, he brings people on to twist their words and interrupt what they're saying and bully them into agreeing with his diagnosis and his prescription for change. In some cases I think he's right in his assessment of people's problems, but I find his treatment of them rather abrasive - probably because that's more entertaining than discussing things rationally and respectfully.
But while we're discussing which shows you should go on, you might end up on Maury if you don't watch out. (Again, joking.)
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It sounds like you are just not ready for a real relationship. Everyone matures differently, and I believe it is better to admit how you feel than try to force yourself into a relationship because you feel you are supposed to. That being said, I hope you realize how selfishly you are behaving. The guys who are dating these girls are being betrayed, and you are enabling it. You are also being used to fill whatever is missing in the relationship, which is probably why you get along with them so well. All the relationship stuff you don't like is saved for the other guy, while you just have fun. With all due respect, you should stop thinking only about yourself. If you are not interested in a relationship, then don't have one. Date away and drop them before they get too attached to you. If you truly didn't care how you are affecting the other guy, I don't think you would have written this post.
I don't think you belong on Jerry Springer, Dr Phil, or any of those ridiculous shows. Sniff around the wrong guy's girl, however, and you may end up on the News. If this sounds harsh, then good. You brought it up, after all.
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Darx is being pretty harsh but in general I agree. If you came here looking for people to help you justify your behavior, you won't get much help from me. I agree with you (Monsta) that it's worse to cheat on someone than to help someone else cheat, just as it's worse to commit a crime than to be an accomplice to one, but that doesn't make the accomplice guiltless.
Also, does it bother you to be with a girl that you know is willing to cheat? Would it bother you to learn she was at the same time cheating on you with a third guy?
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I actually find Dr Phil to be quite good sometimes. Some of his stuff though (go read his "Potty Training" manual) is stupid, and sometimes abusive, in my eyes. His relationship stuff though is quite good usually. The cheating thing, if I remember, is a hoax.
Oh, and Shaggy, most lawyers would never represent a family member, but I am sure he could recommend someone good ;)
To Monsta: sounds like you seriously need a good shrink. you are on what they call a "self-destructive" path. Trust me, been there. If you dont change your ways (you are young though, I think, so you got some time, but dont take too long) you will wind up alone, and miserable. I didnt get myself straightened out until my late 20s, and I really paid the price for it.
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I wouldn't say that anyone was being harsh here. Like you said, I was the one who posted this and I did it because I like to hear opinions. Now with the whole betrayal part. I think that's where my "flexible morals" come in. Now I am aware that I am enabling this betrayal but in my head it doesn't really bother me. That may sound as if it is cold but its the truth. Again I don't know why this doesn't bother me. I am not some self centered a-hole. I love my family and I like to help people. I just seem to justify this action with the idea that people make their own choices. Everyone decides what is right and wrong for them self. I don't make the choice to only go after girls who are with guys. I really don't. I go after all types. It just seems that those are the ones I call back and some times I don't even know they were with someone. No I am not looking for a relationship but if I found one I don't think I would shy away. To answer Sarah, I don't think it would bother me to find out if one of the girls whom I was seeing turned out to be with a third guy. Now I think it might stop me from seeing her but only because that's a little too much. On a personal level though I don't think it would effect me. Any girl who I have been with and is currently cheating on someone automatically becomes ineligible for a real relationship with me.
I can't explain why I feel this way. I really cant. I also for some reason don't think I need help from any kind of professional. I think I have been through a lot in relationships and I'm young. I mean you get your best friend pregnant, then date her and be there for her all through the pregnancy only to have her tell you that its not working out the day after your daughter is born. Not only that but have her "break the news" that she doesn't want your daughter to have your last name on the day you sign the birth certificate. After you do that then you can tell me how messed up I am. I will find someone to be with if I am supposed to. If not then I will in fact end up alone but I think I will survive either way.
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No offense there Monsta, but do you get to see the child?
I have a 16 year old son I have not seen in 11 years, he has my first and last name, but what good does that do if I cant be his father? dont worry about petty garbage like last names, wor4ry about being a father, first and foremost. None of the rest of the crap matters. And you know, stuff happens. Is it my fault? You bet I had a big part to play in it. Regognize YOUR part to play in your situation before you even try to move on from it.
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Well, that certainly explains things. Why didn't you mention this before? Having her just dump you after you were willing to stay with her was pretty rough; I can certainly understand why you are cynical. I hope you are able to see your child. I know Massachusetts' courts tend to be very anti-father, so I hope you haven't had to deal with that.
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Oh, and Shaggy, most lawyers would never represent a family member, but I am sure he could recommend someone good
Believe me, I am well aware of that fact. But he would be able to offer his professional advice and, yes, recommend someone else.
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First mtlhddoc2: Yes I get to see my daughter every weekend and I have her for the whole weekend every other week. I love her to death. The name thing is not important just for the sake of the name. Its important due to the fact that it was a personal betrayal on my ex's part. My daughter will grow up to be the same amazing and beautiful girl weather she has my name or not. Its more that I felt my ex was planning on leaving me after the birth and was planning on the name thing but couldn't tell me until the last second. I mean really what was I gonna do anyway. I was there to support her and if thats what she wanted then fine. She had nine months to tell me she didnt want our daughter to have my name. Nine months, and I got the news 20 mins before I signed the birth certificate.
Oh and darx: Yeah I lucked out. The family courts in my district are great. They push for equal rights for both parents whenever they can. They constantly want the fathers to be more involved and have all the rights they can possibly allow. I'm lucky for your are correct about most of this states family courts.
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I have to say it again, because it is a truism. Yes, maybe she played you a bit, but you do need to step up and look back and recognize your part in it as well. I have never seen a situation where it was 100% the other persons fault. This could be a first, but honestly, from personal experience, I doubt it. That is the first step in healing. Secondly, you have to forgive her and move on. forgive her for YOU, not for her. Life is too short to carry a grudge. And thirdly, try to remember, especially since you have a daughter, that every girl you date/sleep with is someone else's daughter, and treat them as you would hope your daughter gets treated.
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I would just say that it was both of our faults. Not directly but we just weren't right for eachother. I wasn't going to work but it was a horrible way to deal with it. As a close friend I felt I deserved a little more consideration. I don't know if I hold it against her personally anymore. I just think that had an effect on what I'm currently looking for in a relationship. i.e. nothing. I wouldn't call it a grudge, its more that after going through that I don't want anything more than what I am currently doing, and that's enjoying myself. I understand that every girl is someones daughter. That's a hard reality when you have a daughter. You realize what they are going to have to deal with during their life. The guys that will be around. Realize one thing though. Although it might not bother me morally to act the way I do, that doesn't mean I respect the actions I take. Now I respect a lot of the things I do but sometimes it just doesn't matter.
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The longest one I have ever had was about nine months and that happens to be how long it took for my daughter to be born.
Am I the only one who thought this sentence would end with something about the nine months after Monsta was conceived?
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Ummm…I think so.
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I belive you!
I also belive I belive in jerryspringer:
I was so [moronically] mad at my girl once[...]!
[cleaned up - TJK]
Can barely wrapmyhead around when i rote this.. Hmm well rr Ill clear it up!
There was this once a "friend" he lied stoled and stabbd me not once but twice. Now he is a junkie and lives on the street. I feel Good! dananana.
Oh this is not very enlightening..