Corrupt a wish foundation.

[MsFish]

It does, but only after you rewrite it to be filled with steamy sex scenes.  Because of all the cutting you have to do to fit in the sex, the plot no longer makes sense, and the book flops.

I wish I had a magic carpet.

[blcdrayco]

Its a magic carpet, but all it does is self clean, absorbing anythign that comes into contact with it for more than a couple seconds, including the floor.

I wish I where in utah

[Archon]

You are in Utah, but you got there by being dragged behind a minivan by a rope around your legs.

I wish today were May 26, so that I would never have to see my high school again.

In reference to the next post, you do know that B.C. means that it is a negative term. Which means that my bones wouldn't be petrified, they wouldn't even exist yet.

[Harbinger]

It is May 26... 1,000,000 BC! Your long-petrified remains were never discovered on the high school grounds, so while you cannot see it, you will never be able to leave.

I wish I had leet ninja skillz.

[Faster Master St. Pastor]

You do, leet begging for mercy ninja skillz.

I wish I could jump ten feet into the air without the aid of anything but my feet.

[MsFish]

You can, but only in a room with a six-foot ceiling.  

I wish I spent more time writing.

[Faster Master St. Pastor]

You do, but you spend it writing romance.

I wish I had the IQ of two-hundred-forty-seven.

[The Bot]

You do, but you also suddenly turn into a duck. Now your gift will never be noticed. *Sighs

I wish I had a lifetime supply of delicious food which never goes bad, and I never get sick of.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

you grow horribly corpulent and are unable to reach any of your food and are too disgusting to look at so you starve to death.


I wish I didn't have this headache

[Faster Master St. Pastor]

You don't have a headache because you stayed in bed after taking some asprin. Unfortunatly your boss had warned you that if you were late for work again he would fire you. And since you already used up all of your sick days to go to action figure cons you are fired, your family gets into debt, loses your house, and your children are reposesed. You die four years later in the gutter of a Missouri town called Licking the brunt of several rude 'lumpy' jokes.

I wish I hadn't just pulled an all-nighter.

[42]

You haven't pulled an all-nighter. It's still night in Alaska.

I wish the new ferret cage I ordered would arrive.

[Faster Master St. Pastor]

It arrives, one piece at a time for the next twelve years.

I wish that I owned six metric tons of fireworks.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

It arrives, complete with a new cousin/playmate for your ferret: a skunk, who doesn't like people.

I wish I would go ahead and get this stupid outline done

[FirstMateJack]

A fairy appears, and with her help you finish your outline! You turn it in, so pleased with yourself... but she kept adding cutesy phrases to it and little hearts on the i's and j's. People in general, your wife especially, begin to ponder once unquestionable correlations between you and a closet.

I wish I had immutable control over what day was and what day was not opposite day.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

you have control, but today is opposite day.
(parse that one out, bucko)

I wish I wasn't spacey today.