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« on: June 28, 2010, 08:30:28 PM »
There's a lot of beautiful writing in here, the way words and descriptions were pieced together had a nice poetic flow. Like in the first two paragraphs of the chapter one, I instantly felt like the city was a melting pot of cultures.
Also, the world created seems like it could be really unique. We have humans and gods-like creatures running around together like it's nothing new. There are people who can choose who they can worship and others who are forced into it. I found these things intriguing.
But I really have a problem with prologues. And I'll state right now that I've never liked prologues, it's not my thing, and I can think of only two books where I actually liked it. Though I know other people do like them, so take my view with a grain of salt. The problem I had is that the prologue felt so disconnected from the main story. I don't want to know what happened 3000 years before the actual story started, I'd rather learn about the event when I'm immersed in the story and care about the relevance of it to the characters. So to me, it came out more as a way to dump info than an interesting story. Then the story moves into a second prologue, and I felt even more disconnected from the book. I found the story much more interesting once it started following Kyrie.
In your writing, there were a few times the story would describe something about a character, and I wouldn't know who it was about. Mainly in the last scene, when Charon was watching Kyrie and Phyra, I thought, I never knew which character he was looking at or thinking about.
Anyway, I seems like you have a really interesting world set up, and the characters have my attention, but a good half of what I read was prologues, and you know, not my thing.