More Thoughts While Reading:---"Drynn's eyes never left where the cat had been and saw it flicker out existence."
I think you mean "out
of existence."
---"Cindle jerked back without flinching."
What does this mean? The cat is at her back, so she is jerking toward the cat?
---"It did little to dislodge the cat . . ."
Dislodge the cat from where? The cat is standing on the ground swiping at Cindle.
---". . . all she met was empty air. . . . She clutched it with both hands and looked around wildly. . ."
When did the cat disappear? Drynn's attack doesn't make the cat budge, but it is gone when Cindle takes a swing at it?
---"Drynn looked up wildly. . . . The cat jerked back and the branch broke."
It is a little unclear what is happening in this paragraph, and clarity is fairly important because this is where Tayvin enters the scene.
---That cat was fun!
---"At home he was often the one people spoke over, now he was being spoke to over someone else."
What does this mean? (And you need to use a period or maybe semicolon, not a comma to separate these sentences.)
---"Well, anyway, after I got the dwarves back, I couldn't . . ."
Back from where? To where? The dwarves were returned to Tayvin? This phrase is a little unclear.
---"They never did because it was so easy to hunt or forge as they . . ."
I think you mean
forage. Not forge.
---". . . 'for humans anyway,' she said them . . ."
She said
to them.
---Fun chapter. On to chapter 7! You say this is YA, but the tone so far suggests a bit younger. Middle-grade maybe? Closer to
Fablehaven or something similar.
---"Let go! Let go I'm not tried!"
You mean
tired and I think you need a period between "go" and "I'm."
---". . . right in the middle of the forest Elba."
'Elba Forest' sounds better.
---". . . Drynn would have smiled of he had any means to . . ."
You mean 'smiled
if he had any means to'.
---"They all came out into the Elban Forest . . ."
Elban?
---Clever! Now I understand why you use the name
Elba.
---"You're skipping ahead. Your bother was born first."
While brothers may be bothers, I think you mean the former not the latter.
---". . . whirled around wildly; trying to orientate himself."
The semicolon is weird here. A comma is better.
---Titiania is a strange name. I don't know if you mean Titania. Your story seems to want to be read aloud and no middle schooler will keep a strait face when they hear a city named Titi.
---"It was easier now . . . barren land."
I'm not sure what you are trying to say in this sentence.
---"And you, I thought . . . giving it to him."
I don't think commas are the correct punctuation in this section. i think maybe you want to suggest that all her words come in a rush together, but the commas are weird.
---". . . knew when she stopped; he would be forced . . ."
Here you should have used a comma instead of a semicolon.
---"He is so . . . i do not know, different yet not at the same time."
Not different at the same time as what?
---" . . .skin that tanned in the sun."
Are they watching him get more brown? How do they know his skin tans? I guess maybe Drynn got it from his books.
---" a typical shepherd"
Typical to whom? The elves sure think he's strange.
---". . . it was dark and the sheep heard . . ."
Herd, not heard.
---Wow! That was a fun read!
General thoughts:---This is a fun and exciting story. I think the age will be younger than YA, but not by much.
---The cat battle was well written and well choreographed. Any oddities I mentioned in the above post.
---The dream sequence was very clear and left us with a tantalizing mystery.
---The use of commas and semicolons came off strangely in various parts. I'm not sure what you were trying to do with them, but it was jarring as I read.
---Be careful about the use of 'Elba' and 'Elban.' It might confuse the reader.
---If the "while reading" section seems nit-picky, it is because I found your story so enjoyable that I had little to say regarding any major flaws. I didn't really find major flaws. Only the minor ones mentioned above.
---I really liked this story!
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