A&F Galore 3.2 - Oh Father, What Art Thou?

[Master Xaio]

Ok ppls - this is the new, better, and updated thread.  It follows on from Angst and Frustrations Galore mk1 & 2.

So, the basic facts.

Saturday & Sunday, Beca was having a huge fight with her parents.

It ended with her father half strangling her, threatening to kill her, telling her it was her fault, and chucking her out.  Her mum was going to sydney for two weeks.

Beca was put on the school bus with only her school books, told she was lucky she was getting out without a slap, and that if she came back, she'd get one.  

I'd convinced her to go to school counserlor - she did.  They talkedto Docs etc.  She spent the night in a refuge, ther ehave been a few dramas, but yeah.  Tuesday she spent the night there as well.  Wednesday she went down by train to sydney.

Her plan is:
Go to sydney, meet up with mother.  
Stay with mother for weeks while in Sydney.
Go backup.
Her mum has promised to help her moveinto a place sh'es found with two other girls who have moved out, about 15kms away.

I've talked to her about my concerns -
(My main concerns are:
1. The fault thing, and the psychologist thing - she can't start thinking its her afult. I'm going to have to be very careful to ensure that.
2. That she never goes bback.  Not even for a day, and accepts no compromises about that.
3. My other concern is that if she goes with her mother, etc. she may come back under the control of her stepfather again... not cool.   )

- and yeah, she's good about them.  THings are starting to go ok.  There'll prob be at least one more big altercation but its ok for the min... *crosses fingers*.  Now we all just catch up on our sleep.  

If you want details, or there are things i've missed etc. - pls ask me, I'll repost them.  And I'll post with updates.

Thank you to everyone for your support.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

I still think she should talk to a professional counselor. Again, the point is that a counselor will help her realize that it ISN'T her fault. They would reinforce the perspective you find healthy.

[GorgonlaVacaTremendo]

The new name is approved by me.

[Master Xaio]

*big sigh of relief* Oh I'm, uh, -so- glad Gorgon...

Yeah, SE, it would be good.  I'm taking it gently for a little while tho, she needs time to settle, calm and recover a little.  I've put her onto some info which she foudn rather disturbing because of the truth of some of it:

Go two these two websites:
http://www.crescentlife.com/psychissues/victim_profile.htm
http://www.hawc.org/keytopics/dvvictim.htm

Disturbing because of some of it is so true...

Anyways, we'll see.

[GorgonlaVacaTremendo]

I'd really hate to sound evil here, but did the thought ever occur to you that she needs you because she's a victim and has that mind-set, and not because she loves or even likes you a lot?  I'm not saying that it is the case by any means, but that is something that you and she might wish to explore once things settle down for a while.

[Master Xaio]

Oh, fully, I've thought about it, long and hard.  I don't actually think so - she's handled this whole thing in a manner of an adult, and is intelligent enough to tell the difference.  Not to mention the fact taht only a few of those things relate to her - a little bit of shock therapy for her, to get her out of it.

And even if our relationship is detrimented because of this - well, so be it.  I love her, and I'm prepared to accept the end of our relationship if it means she's better off.

[Master Xaio]

Ok then... Beca is in sydney, and for the most part ok.

Things were fine with her mother... just wait till you hear why.  Her mother is into tarot cards, and spiritual guides etc... all that kinda stuff.  Well, she went to see a psychic, who told her that if she doesn't stop trying to control her daughter, or keep letting someone near to her do it, then her daughter wouldn't have a life - in more ways than one.  So... absaloutely ridiculous, but yeah.

Today they had a fight, still not sure xctly what happened but yeah...

Ye gods mother is an idiot.

[Master Xaio]

I swear, the next time Beca's mother rings me...

I asked Beca to msg me every few hours to just tell me she's ok and alive.  Fair enough, ya?

Well, she disappeared yesterday.  Didn't msg, and didn't respond to msgs. Over 12 hours later I finally got a msg.  I'd got faily owrried by then and sent a msg saying something along the lines of, you better let me know you're alright, or I'm gonna start ringing people.

Well, I get a msg this morning, and then Beca rings me - her mother took her phone away, because the sound of the keys clicking irrtated her.  For crying out loud... when I pointed out that it was her only form of communication, and letting it being taken away wasn't good, I got a phonecall.  From her mother.

Basically, she went off her face, told me Bec was perfectly safe, that she (the mum) didn't need the stress of us msging, and that she didnt want us getting worried if Beca didn't msg for over 12 hours (Heh, like hell.  Mother is terribly scared of the authorities, she's already had her kids taken away once because she was mentally unfit to have them), that Beca was perfectly safe (Safe!? With her!? The woman who just watched while her daughter was half strangled... you wish) and... yeah.  I was icily polite to her, but if she ever rings me up and starts talking to me like that again... I won't be polite.  I don't particularly like being told what to do by a scatter-brained, weak willed, disgusting slug of a woman, who disgraces the human race and mothers in general.

/rant over.

I'm still amazed she told me I had no reason to worry about Bec, and no reason to stress in general.  -She- could stress because her youngest daughter had her tonsils out yesterday.  And now has a cold I believe.  Totally ignoring Beca's problem, that I'm going to have a nice op tomorrow, and... *sigh.  stops ranting*

So yes...

Ye gods, this is a saga... and the mother is crazy.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

As annoying and stupid as she may be, I'd recommend being polite as possible to the mother as long as possible. She does still have, as this example shows, the power to stymie your relationship.

[Peter Ahlstrom]

Tell Beca to turn her button beeping off! That's what I did, when my phone's beeping started bugging me.

[Master Xaio]

Oh, this isn't beeping - she's got it on silent.  This is the button's clicking.  THE BUTTONS CLICKING.

*sigh*

[Entsuropi]

Your girlfriends mother has super hearing?

[Archon]

I would guess more along the lines of super proximity. And stupidity. Lots of that too.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

"Stupid sense... tingling...."

[Master Gopher]

I feel a disturbance in the force... buttons...the buttons are clicking....