Timewaster's Guide Archive

Here you go, sorry for the wait. I'm pretty pleased with this chapter overall, but I have two things I was hoping to get feedback on – is the description of the Medusi clear? And I resolve the first main character crisis with Jhuz in this chapter, and I was wondering if anyone thinks I should have drawn it out a little longer. Anyways:

Hubay – Lord Domestic Ch. 4 (L,V, S – if you know Latin) 3900 words

Summary – after a heavy defeat to a barbarian army, the Imperial Legion is on the run in forest. They have made camp on the edge of a river, and the Standard Jhuz is still feeling guilty over his 'cowardice' in the first battle.

Ch 4 – a messenger from Matisu brings ill-timed news, the barbarians attack again, and we meet our first barbarian.

it might be overpowered economically, in that enough trained soulcasters could run a lot of other businesses into the ground via overproduction. but i think that might be limited by the scarcity of fabrials and gems

foodwise, at least, it allows the world to have a higher population then it naturally could support

I've got my next one ready as  well.

akoebel – he actually gives the permission fairly early in the chapter, before the attack. I figured that way readers would shove it to the back of their mind and than be about as startled as Jhuz when Ezlio mentions it. And I'll try to work a description about grafting into a later chapter. Here Jhuz just summoned an eagle using commejj.

LTU, you bring up some good points about the discipline again. I can explain some of that away by saying yes, Jhuz could reprimand most of the people who've been messing with him, but he won't because he's convinced himself he really is a coward, and he also thinks it would just make matters worse. Also, Gaitu has been telling the other officers to goad him into fighting again; Ezlio isn't really a lesser officer because he's sort of on loan from the emperor.

I always feel wrong explaining things away on here though, cuz it's kind of pointless unless i get the information into the story for normal readers. I do talk about some of that in future chapters, though..

Sorry, forgot to post this sooner cuz of christmas and all, but I was planning to post the next chapter tomorrow.

Ohhhh right. See, now that was my inspiration, but my xmen experience is sort of limited to the tv series xmen evolution. The way I see him fighting came from watching "spike," who never got that nickname but sounds just like marrow.  I think they wanted to update him for a younger audience or something. Glad you picked up on it, then.

Hey everyone, happy the forum's back up. As I said before, I'm taking a break from the book I had been submitting, to put in my nano-book while it's fresh in my mind. I'm also submitting it in doc and docx so everyone can read it.

I don't know if this is kosher, but I thought I would put in a brief explanation of the magic in my book; i tease it out over the first three chapters, but I figured if I tell you all now it will minimize confusion. Everyone in  my world has a familiar. Men are faunimejj, and take animals, and women are florimejj with plants. There are four ways a mejj takes power from a familiar. Commejj can speak to that kind of plant or animal, Dommejj can command them. Manimejj can alter the physiology of that type of animal or plant, usually to heal it. Potemejj, generall the most "magical" of the four, can draw a sort of power that reflects their familiar's nature – a bird-mejj could fly, an aloe-mejj can heal others. Ommejj can use all four powers. They're fairly rare and tend to be in the upper echelons of society.

Anyways I don't have a title yet, but for the sake of reference you can call my book "Lord Domestic"

Chapter 1 – 3600 word. L, V

We meet our protagonist, Jhuz, the eagle-mejj Standard of the Imperial Legion. The Legion is about to engage with a barbarian army who fight with bizarre flying mejj. Jhuz himself would make an excellent warrior in the Airborne, but as the Standard he is forbidden to fight.

If I was to sum my book up in one go, I would describe it as a magical Fall of Rome, but there's more to it than that. Enjoy, and don't hold back the criticism.

I don't know, I was planning on staying with Fathers of Gods. I know it's going to be longer than 50k, so i figured I can just plow through it anyways and use NaNo as an excuse to work harder.

Or is that a bad idea?

Either way, If anyone else is interested, I wouldn't mind trading Nano's – half-formed or finished – once December rolls around to help each other edit.