Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.


Messages - swaindaddy

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 7
1
Reading Excuses / Re: August 10 - Blade of the Fallen - Chapter 17
« on: August 20, 2009, 12:07:22 PM »
One way I plan on addressing that (the lie) is to go ahead and have Vardis tell him the lie then have the King mess with that knowledge at the jusdgment making Vardis very uncomfortable in such a way that Garrik sees through the lie realizing the truth then and there.

Thanks for the input!

2
Reading Excuses / Re: August 10 - Blade of the Fallen - Chapter 17
« on: August 13, 2009, 10:46:25 PM »
Great insight. I don't take it "hard" when I get it because I am asking for it and I want it to be honest or it is worthless.

I will be spending the next month (hopefully not 2) cracking this section into shape for a second draft then begin posting the next section.

Due to the many, many changes (some of which will address your citicisms) I just can't keep chugging along without making the changes as they are too many.

Thanks.

3
Reading Excuses / Re: August 10 - Blade of the Fallen - Chapter 17
« on: August 12, 2009, 09:21:03 PM »
Hah - umbrella in hand.

4
Reading Excuses / Re: August 10 - Blade of the Fallen - Chapter 17
« on: August 12, 2009, 02:37:31 PM »
amazing - that's a strong word there...
Look forward to it

5
Reading Excuses / Re: August 10 - Blade of the Fallen - Chapter 17
« on: August 11, 2009, 07:27:55 PM »
Basicallly Laecin knew Garrik was outside his room listening because he used the will to do so. He didn't mind it because it helped plant the doubt in Garriks mind as well as locked him into that bad place with the Judgment. I'll be adding that somehow when Garrik talks to Vardis in the garden prior to the events.

As far as the putting himself before the people - we will find that he really didn't intend to blow up into a fiery ball but simply did not know how to control his anger and the Will. So he had no intention of killing anyone but his rage directed at Laecin resulted in the explosion. Also, he blames the people now for killing Karrys. That will be a driving factor in his character moving forward: Disdain for the King's Rule and it's politics and Karrys' death.

6
Reading Excuses / Re: August 10 - Blade of the Fallen - Chapter 17
« on: August 11, 2009, 12:39:36 PM »
I agree wholeheartedly with all of your points. As a first draft I really put a bit into it but as you pointed out havent got it right totally yet. Your input will be helpful. I agree with each of the cliche elements as well. Tends to happen when first drafting - I will address.

As for Dren - don't worry he will get more time in draft to, perhaps enough that he has almost equal time with Garrik - almost.

I will say this - With Garrik missing Vardis will use an old law to raise Dren to the throne in the mean time. Crazy stuff.

Thanks for the input.

7
Reading Excuses / August 10 - Blade of the Fallen - Chapter 17
« on: August 10, 2009, 02:47:26 PM »
thsi is the final chapter of Part I of the book. Let me know what you think.

8
Reading Excuses / Re: Aug 4th - Erik Holmes - The Sword of Worlds - Chapter 13
« on: August 05, 2009, 02:31:02 PM »
Yeah - that was a double entry at @6000 words! Pretty good. I felt like the humor was wearing thin at parts. I think it works better for you when used more sparingly. It seemed like you ramped it up quite a bit for this chapter. The story is progressing well. The relationship is developing ok but it still seems a bit too strong for the time they have spent together in my opinion. May just be me though.

Overall reads well and stays interesting.

9
Reading Excuses / Re: August 2 - Blade of the Fallen - Chapter 16
« on: August 04, 2009, 02:19:39 PM »
Good insight. I will have a Talonguard escort him around outside. I also like the idea of inserting some of Karrys' thoughts about what a half-breed would be like and that she would be more appalled and the like.

Good time to drop info about the races history too.

For the record, you can't breed between the two races - without use of the Will - more of this will come clear later, as usual!

10
Reading Excuses / August 2 - Blade of the Fallen - Chapter 16
« on: August 02, 2009, 01:34:01 PM »
Post here if you please!

11
Reading Excuses / Blade of the Fallen - July 27
« on: July 28, 2009, 03:16:53 AM »
I am on vacation this week so I'll post the next part next week. Just a quick heads up here. Cya!

12
Reading Excuses / Re: July 20 - Blade of the Fallen chapter 15
« on: July 22, 2009, 01:57:29 PM »
Once again - valuable input! Thanks guys/gals!

13
Reading Excuses / Re: July 20 - Blade of the Fallen chapter 15
« on: July 21, 2009, 11:08:19 PM »
Have you got all the chapters before this?

14
Reading Excuses / July 20 - Blade of the Fallen chapter 15
« on: July 20, 2009, 10:02:02 PM »
Ignore grammar, yadyada

15
Reading Excuses / Re: July 13, Blade of the Fallen Chapter 14
« on: July 15, 2009, 02:27:00 PM »
Great input guys/gals. I am glad the pacing is good as that is my main focus as stated before.

The tips on making the Charade more at the forefront are helpful - will do.

The fact that the King is morvade is not a suprise but that he is a member of the Third Cirlce is. I will try to clarify that as I edit the story.

My main issues to fix in draft tow of this section will be:
Do away with the Duchies as they don't really fit in the world I have created (rite of eys etc) I will go with Territories and Senators instead. That way the King is still the King but mor ein the way a President rules (with some differences here and there.)
I will develop a group of overseers who handle the transitions between Kings. (view them as kind of kind of political councel - they will have real power as it is constant unlike the King)
It is my hope that this will clear up a lot of the inconsistancies with the political side of the story while still keeping the main plot intact.

Input?

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 7