Okay.
*Fishy takes a deep breath
It usually all goes back to me being hard on myself. So here's the progression this time. Try not to be offended and hate me, okay? I'm not saying any of this is true, but here's the progression of thought:
So I'm thinking, I never thought I was the kind of person to make friends online. Not that there ought to be anything wrong with that, but there's a stigma, you know?
So then I'm thinking, it's a really dumb thing for me to be doing. I mean, I don't even know you guys. Why am I spending all this time chatting? That can't be healthy.
So then I'm mad at myself because the idea of not hanging out here makes me want to cry.
So then I tell myself that I'm being ridiculous, because it really shouldn't be that big of a deal, and if it is, that means I'm being unhealthy about it.
So then I'm mad at myself for caring about you guys, because I don't know you in real life.
So then I'm mad at myself for being mad at myself for caring, because I ought to care about people, so I shouldn't beat myself up for it.
So then I'm mad at myself for thinking about this at all, because it shouldn't be a big deal in the first place, and I ought not to have even gotten to step one, and the fact that I'm thinking about this at all proves that I'm dramatic, neurotic, and dysfunctional.
So then I'm mad at myself for being dramatic, neurotic, and dysfunctional.
And now I'm going to be mad at myself for telling you all that I'm dramatic, neurotic, and dysfunctional. The cycle never ends! ARG!
