Alright...I guess I'll be your first reviewer
First off...you have a lot of energy to your writing. A professor once told me that and I wasn't sure what it meant...I think I know, now. You clearly care about writing and it shows in your story. There's a lot invested in this story, and it was a fun read.
The story was an easy read...meaning I fell into it and really didn't pull my head out of it until it was over (at least, in chapter 1). It just had that continuous thought feel to it. I think part of that is good and part is bad...your paragraphs are so long that you don't give the reader a break while reading it...I would suggest breaking it up a bit, pace the story, give your reader a sense of pacing as they read.
Regarding the Prologue: yes, your instincts are right...it does sound much too like Robert Jordan...the first chapter would actually work well for your Prologue. And i would drop the Prologue...it feels like pre-writing...which is good for you to know, but we may not need it right now...but that's me.
Regarding the first chapter, it felt more like a scene than a chapter...for some reason, it just felt like there should have been more - which may be why it felt like a Prologue. And I don't think I know any of your characters, yet...the one I started to get to know died. The other one...I'm not sure if i'm supposed to get behind him or not, yet. He seems like a possible villain...which makes me reserve myself and keep from getting behind him. Is he an anti-hero? Is he a villian? I think you need to let us meet at least one of your primary characters in your first chapter...Who is the story about?
One of the men shouted out, ‘It’s a Soul Taker!’
For the line above, just jump straight to the dialogue...by saying, "One of the men shouted out..." before the actual dialogue, you steal the impact of it.
“Where are you!” His voice screamed at the forest, and the silence in the air screamed back at him. Wham, a
The "Where are you!" is overly dramatic and not very realistic...it sounds like a quick attempt to show frustration and desperation, but I don't care enough about the character to care about what he says...I would keep your fight scene dialogue free...unless the man that kills Arion speaks....that could be cool.
Also, I personally don't like sound words in stories (Wham)...unless you are describing something from a character's perspective...maybe...but even that in limited use...otherwise, it sounds way too much like campy, 60's Batman and Robin effects.
Something was not quite right.
This came out of nowhere...this is something you have to be very careful with...if, for example, your character notices this all of a sudden, and then it leads directly into a change in scene direction, then the reader can see through it and say "Oh...he just threw that in there as a transition to get from A to B"...Long and short of it...if something feels wrong, I think you have to introduce it just a bit earlier...give the reader some sort of clue...and maybe even carry it throughout the scene, at least giving it some sort of presence in the scene until the end when all of a sudden the meaning of its presence becomes clear.
this monstrosity of a man who rendered his own skills useless.
This is a good example of telling us something you've already done a good job of showing us...if he easily defeats Arion (which, fyi, seems unlikely), then we will know his skills dwarf Arion's.
glad that his plan worked out this well.
This is one of those things where it sounds a bit "hinky"...don't just tell us he had a plan and this was all planned...show us somehow...satisfaction he felt/shows, something about the whole thing that shows it was set up, etc. Show us a few things that show us he planned it...
Okay...finally, you write well...but I can't give a lot of feedback on the actual story yet because I don't feel like I know it...you have a scene and a bit of magic system in it...but i don't know if I've seen main characters or a proper setting, yet.
Ultimately, my biggest suggestion is to try not to be quite so dramatic throughout the story. The story feels as if you have a very dramatic sense of the story...that's cool...but (keeping in mind this is all I've read, thus far) you can't write an entire book/story with a sense of drama in it...at some point, it has to get down on the character level.
Looking forward to seeing where you're going with this!
(Don't be discouraged by the length of my review...I really did like it.)