Hey y'all! I am new here as of today. Brandon, Eric and Stephanie told me to join up since you guys were so much fun! Well, as I was browsing, I noticed my dear friend Jeff Savage was here too! Hi Jeff!! I was thinking of your no SASE deal and I thought up the top ten reasons why no one should EVER include a SASE!
1-trees . . . nuff said, okay okay not enough said. Sincerely you would think in this day and age, we would have grown up enough to use a computer. We are past the crayolas and number two pencil stage.
2-paper cuts. I hate paper cuts. I am so betting that editors and agents hate them too.
3-Postmen. Think on the poor postmen carrying those heavy cumbersome rejection letters. I mean I know we, as writers, hate them, but those guys have to lug those letters through sleet and snow and rain . . . think on all the workman's comp bills and lawsuits we are saving the government. This results in saving our own tax dollars to be put to better use in paying $800.00 for toilet seats (those seats had better sing moon river to us when we sit on em!)
4-schizophrenia. Authors already have the reputation of being insane by talking to people in their heads and doing what the voices tell them. We perpetuate this rumor by sending OURSELVES rejection letters with the return address written in our own handwriting.
5-guilt. I truly think these editors feel bad for knowingly causing the starving populace of authors to be even more broke due to the expense of unnecessary postage stamps. We are saving them a ton by not putting them through this. They'll sleep better.
6-overeating. I don't know about you all, but I eat a box of twinkies and drink a two liter of dr pepper every time I get rejected. By not sending the SASE, I am sparing myself the inevitable heart attack.
7-money. I know we already mentioned how the editors feel guilty, but just think about my poor shoeless child walking the street with his tin cup selling number two pencils since we can't afford a computer due to all those stamp books we bought last year. It's heart rending.
8-Nobody else does it! Lets get real! This is the only business model in America that insists you send a return addressed stamped envelope with your rejection in case they decide not to hire you.
9-education. We are sending enlightenment to all the editors and agents who have not yet learned the value of email technology. We are creating a new generation of email users and that in and of itself is a worthy cause to undertake for those people who really care about the trees in Madagascar.
10-Seinfeld. Everyone knows that if you lick enough envelopes, you're going to die. We are actually saving countless lives of the editors and agents that we depend on to publish our work. If we kill em all off, what's left for us? We're artists, not murderers.
