Let the War of Mean Comments continue!
Thoughts While Reading:
You can tell me what Aric is thinking, but if you’re talking about the crew in general I would prefer you show me their excitement.
Seems a bit like a travel log here... not very engaging.
"Aric gritted his teach unconsciously." Umm...?
Again, if these men's relationship is important, show it to me rather then just telling it to me all at once. Sentences like this one, "Knowing them as he did now after these long months, Aric knew that the sage was probably wise to keep his comment to himself," just seem a little over the top.
"So here they were, ahead of the comet, within sight of the Islands, but without an obvious way of getting to them."
You just told us/showed us this. Avoid the sum up.
As much as I like dolphins, and random sleeping arrangements this doesn't look like the most opportune time for a scenery shot to me... and I feel like your dropping a few too many names personally, especially if you are expecting me to remember them all (I'm notorious for forgetting names after all...)
"Laudney noticed his careful attention." the fact that he comments on it shows us that he noticed it, so you can delete this sentence.
"He had been one of the men to campaign for the Ambassador role, of course. Nearly every noble in the kingdom, every military commander and aristocrat campaigned in some fashion to be considered. Laudney had not made a great effort to win the honor, but it would have been political suicide to not even attempt."
Is this really important to the story at hand?
"It will speak for itself." That's one spiffy sword.
"They had found land -- real, seemingly non-magical, level with-the sea, dry land -- at last. At least, that's what Aric was hoping it would turn out to be."
I'm confused. Did they or didn't they find land?
"It didn't seem natural to him. Everything had been fine, and then the strange light had turned red. He remembered the sensation of feeling as though he was passing through, or entering into ...something."
Already got that thanks.
It may just be the way the scene is extended, but it seemed to me that he was underwater too long for it to be believable.
Overall impression:
Well, there was plenty of conflict in these chapters, but I am afraid I am going to have to risk sounding like a broken record and tell you that there is just too much fluff. You are a very talented writer, but at the same time I feel like I am back reading text books or running a marathon trying to get through all of it (I have to admit that I took a few breaks, especially in the 2nd chp, but that could just be my short attention span kicking in). I tried to show you some specific examples of things that could easily be deleted, but mostly you just need to avoid repeating yourself in the same section (I can usually get it the first time) and tighten up a few of the sentences by deleting things like was, had, probably, seemed to... yeah, all those passive words others have mentioned.
Okay, enough mean comments. You have a great character and a good set up for conflict so I am very interested in what is going to happen next and seeing more of your world, so keep it coming.