The bad news is that I began to read that story a week ago, and couldn't get past the two first pages. I tried twice but put down the manuscript each time.
In large part, it was the setting bugging me:
* Are there solar flares on Mars ?
* What is this station built on Olympus Mons ?
I doubted that Mars would have strong solar flares on the surface. It took me a week to do the research, and though I didn't find any indication that solar flares do have an effect on the surface, they do have a strong one in the atmosphere. So, I convinced myself that solar flares could happen there.
For Olympus Mons, this is a volcano that was very active until quite recently. Mars volcanic activity being what it is, I don't see anyone wanting to build a station here, much less a city with a government center and such.
This might be an issue with me (well, it's very much why I don't write SF, since I have to explain everything), but that's where you lost me one week ago. It took me all that time to convince myself that though not likely, that setting could exist, and that I was allowed to read on. Once I did, I read the piece in one sitting.
The writing is fine, maybe a little confusing at the beginning.
Some things that didn't agree with me:
* I think you could have described a little more what being Dark Eyes really means and how they are viewed as a group.
* The interactions with the partner did seem a little cliché to me
* How was the partner's gun tampered with?
* The climax doesn't make that much sense (why keep on pushing the buttons? Reminded me of Lost there :-) )
* I don't know what the entire last section is useful for, besides telling us that everyone is fine, and explaining what we didn't understand in the preceding scene. You might want to rewrite the preceding scene so that we understand what's going on, and drop out the last one (or change it to something else entirely)
So, I'm probably not the best person for critiquing this piece : nice job though.