Feb 2 Erik Holmes - The Sword of Worlds CH 20 - Ellie

[ErikHolmes]

Thanks for the comments!

[Shivertongue]

Despite being completely and utterly confused - this being the first chapter of this story I've read - I found myself able to follow along with remarkable ease. I'd love to read the chapters prior, but the fact that I was able to follow along as well as I did with the advantage of having read earlier chapters says something....

...I don't know what that is yet, or if it's good or bad (could mean you're re-explaining things, or that your story has a very strong ability to immerse the reader. Again, can't say for sure without reading more. Hint. ). But I enjoyed what I saw, aside from one or two spelling errors and some spots where a stronger choice of wording would have been beneficial.

[Recovering_Cynic]

I loved it   No complaints whatsoever.  I especially liked some of the new revelations that thickened the plot some.  I do have to wonder what the over all plot is right now.   The general outline of a book goes like this:

1) hook - make a likable character (or cause) that your reader can invest in
2) plot turn 1 - the initial push toward the midpoint (initiating event)
3) pinch - something really awful happens
4) midpoint - something that turns the story on its head (game changer, problem much bigger than expected)
5) pinch - something really awful happens
6) plot turn 2 - last vital bit of knowledge is gained for the good guy to win
7) resolution

Parts one and two are clear.  The hook is that two normal, likable teenagers have been pushed into a magical world.  Plot turn one is that they have a magical sword that is unbelievably powerful that they have to protect.  The first pinch could be Kajsa getting shot (for Kail), and Bloodbath getting injured (for Ellie).  From there, I really have no guesses.  I like the story and I am still reading it avidly, but I'm wondering what the overall plot really is.  That's what we would generally find out at the midpoint, right?  I don't think we've gotten there yet.  How long are you planning on making the story?

[ryos]

Cynic - in other words, the plot is not predictable. That's good, right?

So, Erik. I like what you've done with Morrigan in this chapter. I know she's still wicked, and probably doesn't have Ellie's best interests in mind, but you've made me feel for her. You've made me wonder if Ellie really can trust her, at least insofar as she won't kill her. I'm not sure how truthful she is, and her motives are not transparent. These are all good things.

There's not a lot that I could complain about in this chapter. The biggest thing is that it still feels like the plot is taking baby steps. It feels like a status update on Ellie instead of a chapter where anything really happens. Yes, we get some more information on sigil knights and some nice character development for Morrigan, and we get to point and laugh at poor bumbling Mordred, but that's about it.

So, hmm. I guess that "stuff happens", but it doesn't feel like the plot is moving. Perhaps this stems from the fact that Ellie's character isn't really evolving anymore. Actually, she's been fairly static throughout the entire book. Contrast that with Kail and all that he's changed and grown.

BTW, what happened with Ellie asking Morrigan about Bloodbath? The chapter is short enough that you could have slipped that in.

And that's all I have to say about that.

[Recovering_Cynic]

It's not so much that the plot is unpredictable, it's that the main conflict has not been clearly identified.  If the main conflict is the rescue of Ellie, well, we haven't really been shown that, and now Kail is wandering off into the mountains, making the rescue even less likely to be the main conflict.  Basically there needs to be some overarching problem that is fixed throughout the course of the book, and right now, I have no idea what that problem is.

[Chaos]

I agree with everyone else here on this. Morrigan is getting more defined in my mind, which is good, because I like taking long breaks from this book apparently...

All I have to say is, "Yay for connection between the two plotlines!"

It's been a while, Erik, but isn't Morrigan Unseelie? In Chapter 19 Kajsa said that the Unseelie fear the Emperor. Why is Morrigan and Mordred working against the Unseelie Court for the Emperor? Maybe it's just been a while and I'm perplexed.

I find Morrigan's analysis of Ellie accurate. Which is good, for if I didn't think it was accurate, that would destroy suspension of disbelief.

Excellent line: "Ugh. I wasn’t supposed to have to worry about this stuff until college."

Ellie's voice is getting less annoying! Hooray for that.

Not much else to say. Good stuff.