Corrupt a wish foundation.

[Eagle Prince]

That's like totally not under the possible choices of the wish spell, which means as the DM I like get to do weird stuff, right?  So uh, like all the kids are singing prayers to this dude called Captain Peace Marvel and a vampire chick Harmony Kendall.

And so like all the children turn into these vampire pirates in search of the Soul Calibur.  Civilization as we know it crumbles, and in the new post-apocalyptic world, humans become slaves to these new vampire overlords known as the Nobility.

It is only a matter of time before factions of D&D players hook up with the new hot goth vamp chicks and produce dhampir offspring.  This leads to the inevitable fall of the Nobility and hot vamp chicks, which in turn leads D&D becoming a holy text of the church, which in turn leads to it being stripped of all the things that made it good (leaving only lame crossovers such as d20 Monopoly, d20 Shoots and Ladders, and the ever-popular d20 Candyland).  Rules Lawyers become the new prophets and OD&D players are executed on site.

I wish God was listening to this....  

[blcdrayco]

He is.  He decides to give you his job responsibilities, but without the compesentory power.
I wish I could find an inteligent liberal.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

I just wish you weren't so insulting. ANd that Eagle would stop resortig to D&D wish spell references.

[Harbinger]

But I get one of the hot goth vamp chicks, right? 'Cause, you know it was my wish that created them.

You do find an intelligent liberal. And she's drop-dead gorgeous. Everything you ever wanted in a woman. Sadly, she refuses to put up with your staunch conservatism, and for the rest of your life you wonder what could have been.

I wish for revenge against my enemies. They should die like pigs in Hell.

[Mad Dr Jeffe]

Your revenge is bittersweet however when you discover that pigs in Hell are actually well fed, and well taken care of creatures beloved by the universe because of this care they live forever in a bizarre kind of elysian afterlife. In fact everything seems to go right for them. You discover this when you go to hell and are sentenced to taking care of them by Satan himself who flays you daily for any mistakes.
Your enemies, taking their cues from the pigs become immortal.

I wish people made better wishes.

[42]

Granted, people make better wishes. In fact, the quality of wishes have been increasing steadily by 0.2% on average since 1791. It was in 1791 that depressed boy in Syria first wished that the people made better wishes. This was after boy's sister found a genie granting her 3 wishes. It's not known what the sister of the boy wished for, but we suspect the wishes involved a diary rumored to blind anyone who tried reading it.

I wish were paid to go to school full-time for the next several years.

[Harbinger]

You receive a federal grant which allows you to go to an attack dog training school. You're the one on whom the dogs are training.

I wish I lived in a yellow submarine, with my friends all aboard.

[Mad Dr Jeffe]

 

I wish I lived in a yellow submarine, with my friends all aboard.

You do, but the Soviets wont let you defect, and told the US Navy that you intend to launch your nukes at the USA. Now everybody hates you.

I wish adult swim lasted longer.