First line - something about the wording made me think that Tav was complaining. So when he started talking about the massive awesomeness of the rooms, I was more than a little surprised, until I went back and reread it as it was intended.
While we instinctively took to calling the MC Tav, I'm not sure that all readers will. Before you start using it to identify him, you might want to have a couple of other characters call him that (which I think does happen later in this chapter, if I'm remembering right), so it's a bit less sudden. It also makes the narrator seem a bit more informal. Not sure if this is a good or a bad thing, but it is the effect.
When Tav first enters his room, he thinks that he needs to do something to occupy time, and reads from the Tome. Yet the only two sections we hear about are concerning the dangers of greed, and punishments. Why would Tav want to read about these at this point, and why does he think reading from the Tome will help take his mind off of his earlier Introspection? It seems to me that after seeing a horrible past life, I would want to avoid reading about the punishments for sinning, and Tav himself comments that he doesn't want to read about the dangers of greed. So what is there in the Tome that draws his attention there in the first place?
You mention that Tav feels like the staircase feels vaguely familiar, but not because he'd been there earlier. Ummm, what? The only other reason for a staircase to feel vaguely familiar is if you've been somewhere similar, and since Tav's been there earlier, it would feel familiar because he'd been there earlier. This line took me out of the story a bit, mostly because it made me think too much about the logic of the statement.
You could achieve the same effect you're going for (building up for the reveal that Tav is in the Tower of Cerebrants) using only the stuff after, where you mention that it's too rich to be the Denyar wing, that he sees the throne room, which is on the wrong side of the cathedral, etc.
Again, if Tav's been here many times before, it's not vaguely familiar. He would recognize it as familiar, though he might not know why, or where exactly he is. I know this doesn't really make sense the way I'm saying it, but it does in my head, and I can't think of a way to express it, so I'll just hope you get what I'm saying.
This paragraph intrigued me:
He exited his suite; Amil should know what he saw from the Introspection. He could probably instantly recall a verse which would deal with this exact issue. It was a shame he was a Cerebrant. His sermons would have inflamed the world.
1) It's possible to read other people's minds, or monitor what their seeing with Cerebrancy? If this is the case, why isn't Tav more worried that he'll be punished in some way for what his past self did, or at least barred from learning more (to prevent him from becoming like his past self). Or did Tav (or someone else) tell Amil, and why? Basically, why does Tav think Amil should know. This confused me a little bit.
2) Cerebrants aren't allowed to preach sermons? Seems kind of random, and a little unnecessary. Unless they can Suggest things to bunches of people at one time. Then it makes sense, though it still seems a little unclear in the passage. That may be a good thing, though. Not really sure if this is going anywhere, (or even if I'm reading it right) but if it isn't, you might want to clarify a bit so it's not just a random line in there. If it is going somewhere, great, leave it and let the reader see it as that point develops later.
Why does Tav react so negatively to finding out that he is strong enough to be a Cerebrant? Everything we've seen of Cerebrants so far indicates that they are respected and feared by others, and generally well thought of. Why is it a bad thing for him to be a Cerebrant instead of a Denyar?
The phrasing of 'bayonet-affixed musket' kind of weirded me out. I'm not sure that that's ok, and even if it is, it kind of threw me for a minute. You might consider re-wording. Plus 'Musket with a bayonet affixed' is more words, which for NaNoWriMo makes it better (though granted, it sounds kind of lame)
I'll also agree with whoever said earlier that Tav approaching the night guard doesn't really work. He has no motivation to approach the night guard. He might casually run into the night guard, or see the night guard and stop to chat.
Why is the night guard standing guard over a bunch of Cerebrants, if he can't use Cerebrancy himself? At least, that's the way I read it. Furthermore, where exactly in the cathedral does the conversation with the night guard take place? In the tower, it makes even less sense, though I'm pretty sure it's not there. But where is it?
I don't know that we need to know that Landon sleeps in Hall D, and Tav used to sleep in Hall G. It kind of distracted me, in all my OCD and/or ADD ness.
Not sure why, but for whatever reason, whenever Tav calls Landon 'Lands,' I think he's cursing. Then I remember he's talking about Landon, but at first it comes across as a curse. Not sure if this is just me being weird again, or if it is a more widespread problem. Either way, I think it's really funny.
If Landon can't sleep, why is he sleepy-eyed?
With the lamp, I like the idea of a mechanical striker. You should mention something of this sort, though, since otherwise it seems inconsistent with the setting.
Again, Landon says, "I'm sorry" when he finds out Tav is a Cerebrant. Why is this bad? Was this mentioned earlier and i just missed it? Or is it driving toward a big reveal later? If so, I definitely do want to know, so it's working.
Landon mentions that Tav's past self must have been at least fifty years ago, then that this is three incarnations of potencers. Couple of things.
1) Why does Landon think that the other two incarnations are potencers? Why couldn't they just be normal Cerebrants?
2) Assuming that the incarnation of himself Tav saw died exactly fifty years ago, which is the latest we can assume, according to Landon, two incarnations means that each lived 25 years. That's a rather short life expectency, especially for a society where people come of age at 20. Also, we know that at least one of Tav's earlier incarnations is Kurick, and he at least seems older than 25. How old is Medora during the prologue? Like 11 or something, right? That puts Kurick a little older, though not necessarily by much. Anyway, point is, you might want to reduce this to two incarnations, or move the war back a few years.
Earlier, Tav curses saying just, "Devos." Is saying "Lord Devos" a stronger curse? It seemed a little weird to acknowledge that he's a "Lord" when cursing using his name. Although, it also makes sense, kind of like cursing by saying "God Almighty" (Which I have heard people do, hence I used it as an example).
Why does the assassin say anything? If he's recognized Tav and Landon (wait.... and landon? Does the assassin want landon too? He does say "You two." Is this a typo, or does Landon have extra significance too? Tav we know why the assassin wants, but Landon we haven't the slightest. By the way, if this is a typo, I'd fix it, because otherwise people wll do what I'm doing now and assume Landon is
really important) then he wouldn't say anything, but rather just charge and try to kill them. If Tav needs to realize he's Khabor, have him do it by distinguishing the man's features, or just realizing that the man could be a Khabor Potencer, since the church doesn't train them.
Tav just cursed using 'God.' Is there a difference between God and Devos, or is this a typo?
Tav mentions that he won't use potency, then remembers back to a lesson about Suggestion defeating Invigoration. Then, he says:
“Get down,” Tav said. Amil never said anything about a Cerebrant who used both Invigoration and Suggestion, so Tav had no idea whether this would work. Yet, he was determined to make this work. His teachers had said the two times used Suggestion he understood it quite well. That would have to be enough.
So is Tav thinking about how he's going to use potency right here, like two sentences after he said he wouldn't? Or is he wondering about whether he can defeat the assassin, who used both Invigoration and Suggestion? I'm guessing the second, but I read it like the first, so this might need some clarification.
Please don't take offense at this, as I really do respect your writing, but I burst out laughing when I read the phrase 'fireball of death.' It was a pretty awesome mental picture, but I'm not sure it's quite the image you want associated with the assassin. I don't know, I think it's the 'of death' part. Virtually anything else works there, but in my opinion, 'fireball of death' is just a tad corny.
Again, why doesn't the assassin just kill Tav, instead of stabbing his gut?
Finally, the last phrase doesn't really make sense in the context of the last paragraph. Tav mentions how many had died because of the assassin's attempt to kill him, but Tav doesn't actually do anything that results in people dying. On the contrary, he saves them with his Potency. So, the only thing he can be horrified at having done is using Invigoration. This doesn't seem to be what he's flipping out about, based on the previous paragraph.
Ok, now, reading through that critique, it sounds really, really harsh. Don't get me wrong.
I loved this chapter. Overall, it was very well written, kept me very interested, and moved along a lot. It taught us a couple of very important things (ie Tav is the emperor), and had some great action. I don't want you to think that I dislike it, because I honestly am loving this book. But there are things that could be improved.
That, and if you look, a lot of my critique is just phrases that I found weird or annoying, and that don't necessarily affect other people.
Anyway, great work, keep it coming.