Timewaster's Guide Archive
Local Authors => Writing Group => Topic started by: stacer on March 24, 2004, 02:21:40 PM
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I don't have time to list my questions right now, as I'm off to a meeting here at work, but I wanted to start the thread in case anyone might want to post comments on the chapter I sent out for this week--especially if you're not going to make it tonight. Which, by the way, is 9 eastern 7 mountain, right?
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yes, that is the time.
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Well, first, I didn't have the trouble with the names that everyone else did. It seemed natural to me.
And I'm interested and want to read more. I hope there is more soon.
Did you have any specific questions?
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I would if it weren't midnight. My brain shut off about 6pm today.
I did wonder about the relationship with the mom and son--is it realistic, etc.
I also wondered if there was enough built up before the transformation at the end. General consensus last week was that I should show the father and son interacting before blowing everything up.
Also, and this is something I forgot to ask last week, how about the action at the end of the chapter--does it flow well? Descriptions of location and movement especially.
And just overall, any big flaws or little ones?
Also, can anyone tell me how to access logs for AIM or if it's even possible? I can't remember a few things people told me, as it's been too long and I didn't write them down. I did get the big things, but I want to be sure I wasn't missing anything.
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Don't know about AIM (I use trillian) but if it isn't logged I saved a log of it, which ic an send your way.
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That would be great. Thanks.
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1: I liked the relationship between mother and son. And if you can change the part about washable fabric as we talked about, I think the situation is perfect.
One thing I did notice in the exchange was his pleasure that his mother had brought food and stuff to wash his hands. There's nothing wrong with this, but it is out of the ordinary. You might consider how important the idea is in the culture you are creating. Washing feet in Christ's time had a special significance. It seemed to me that clean hands had a special significance in yours as well. Did you mean that? It is, afterall, entirely possible that it is not out of the ordinary in any fantasy culture, but they just don't choose to mention it.
If it is significant, consider weaving the practice into your story in general to emphasize the practice's place in the culture you are creating. You could even use it as a distinguishing mark to your discerning readers. Who does, who doesn't?
2: I agree with the need for more action between the main character and his father. When I first read it I thought all of the violence meant that A. was beating the crap out of F., which in turn made me balk at the casual attitude F.'s mother took to the displeasure F. would have to face at the hands of his father. It would be good to give a better picture of their relationship before F. leaves on his soujorn through life as a bull.
3: The action could use some work, but I don't think it's anything that a few proofs later wouldn't fix. One thing I would suggest is making some reference to R. standing outside the door (and why he's there--evesdropping? Trying to be as close as possible to prevent his vision?) before he is thrown to the ground. I wasn't ready for the switch between F. & A. to R. so quickly, and I got confused.
4: The only flaw I see is that there isn't another chapter to read this week. ;) I want to know what happens!!
5: Most of us have Trillian (which logs all conversations automatically, unless you tell it not to), so we can email them to you. JP uses it, Saint and I use it, etc.