Contest: The Band of Gnomes

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

"A band of gnomes have set up camp in your kingdom. What do you do?"

There is no limit on length of entries and the one that entertains us the most wins.  Keep in mind that entertain does not have to mean funny, though funny stuff is good.   As there is no requited length for entries use your best judgement.  Both the judges have ADHD and if your entry is too long we'll get bored and stop reading it.  If it's too short there's little chance it'll entertain.  Multiple entries are allowed.

All submissions need to be made via our forum (this thread) and must 1) register and 2) have a valid E-mail address.  The contest will be juged by Spriggan and Entropy and runs from the 11th till the 25th.  Any entries submitted after the 25th will be disqualified. Winners will be announced within a week of contest's end, and will receive a free copy of the HARP RPG Core Rulebook.

Good luck!

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

I would use them as pins for lawn bowling.

[Mad Dr Jeffe]

dont forget to put a link to the HARP review....

I would make them play Pennsylvania 6500 and the Lindy Hop until their little cheeks exploded. (You did say a "Band" of Gnomes.)

[Eagle Prince]

Hire a school of mages to cast flesh to stone, then pay off the mages by selling lawn gnomes.

[Mad Dr Jeffe]

nice,...

I saw a yard gnome once... didn't scare me....

BANJO!!!!!

[Jimmy Cokes]

How do I deal with the BAND OF GNOMES?

Track down Sir Muckty on bass, Bogger the Cave Troll on drums, Magda the serving wench on tambourine and Little Nose the Stunted Dwarf on rhythm guitar and lead vocals and challenge the gnomes to a BATTLE OF THE BANDS!

[Gemm: Rock & Roll Star; Born to Rock]

I would ask them if their leader was named David, or if someone was named G-norme the G-nome. Then I would proceed to ask them questions about themselves, and not before long tell them stories of how unwieldy person-types came down from the mountainside, transfixxing all those who were under the height of 4'. As well, all the cliched acts of torture they reign upon their prisoners. Finally I would offer them all a piece of oranged caramel filled chocolate. Laced with a finely woven gutter trowel.

[Mad Dr Jeffe]

I would offer them some of the DRUGS Gemm is obviously on...

[Slant]

Damn, Gemm.....  Just.... damn.

Anyway:

I would make it my place to learn all I could from our Gnomish band and would take pains to speak their language and adopt their customs in the hopes that they would accept me into their ranks and embrace me as one of them.  Because, as we all know:

Being ever so humble, there's no race like Gnome.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

I'm just pointing out that the rules specifically state that the account has to have a usable email, which means that Jimmy Coke's entry is disqualified. Too bad. Let this be a lesson.

[Gemm: Rock & Roll Star; Born to Rock]

I will now multiply my entry and add some sleepiness to it.

I will declare marshall law upon these Gnomes, and all Gnomes in the kingdom. Then send them to "Identification Camps" to make sure they are not withholding any information that could be used successfully against my enemies and brashly towards my allies. Then I will let them go, on the condition that they find whomever has stolen my kingdom's Royal HARPs. Which is the Kingdom's

Harunged
Arsenal of
Royal
Peasants.

And if they do not retrieve it within the month, the Royal EDs will be after them. (EDs are Emergency Dknights.)

[antiphonus]

As the nation's Chief Sub-Deputant from the Dept. of (anti-) Gnomeland Security, I would follow Dr. Hubert Gnomenraus's principles as laid down in his pre-war article "Gnomic Gentrification: Toward a Workable Eugenics." These theories, admittedly controversial, call for the progressive cross-breeding of Gnomes with the shortest individuals of other "cute" races, halfings, dwarves, and the like, always striving to achieve maximum diminution in breeding pairs.

After several generations, the incursory gnomes, as well as the other little races, will have become so small as to pose no more threat to the country than would an outbreak of fleas. Although Dr. Gnomenraus doesn't explicitly say so in his article, the implication is that Pest Contol might be useful at this point.

[Spriggan]

Glad to see this contest is being better recieved then the last one.  Keep the entries comming.

Also I changed the Blurb on the main page to be allwayse at the top (so it won't self delete) since it should be there till the end of the contest.  I also added a link to the review as Jeffe suggested.

[Mad Dr Jeffe]

thanks...
I think it goes without saying that I dont need another copy of HARP.
This contest has inspired me however and I think Im going to offer up my copy of Harp as a prize as well.
So the runner up wins too!!!

(Its a good game, and the only reason Im giving it up is that my players are fully entrenched in other games and I dont see myself playing it)

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

and one of his players wasn't impressed by it. Most of us in the group would rather play Warhammer. And I'd rather play D&D if we're doing fantasy (it's comfortable and I think it works)