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June 24 – Hubay, Lord Domestic Ch12

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hubay:
Sorry about the wait – I got a dog today! anyways, this is the last chapter of Part 2 of Jhuz's storyline, or at least the first half of that chapter. I should have the second half next week. anyways, this is mostly an aftermath sort of chapter, but I also add in a bit of what's to come with Zaisha. Let me know what you think about the Dombow.

Hubay, Lord Domestic Ch12 (L,V,S,D)

Summary: the Legion has finally achieved victory against the Nothroi host, though not the army entire. After looting the enemy camp, Jhuz and the army celebrate.

cjhuitt:
Fair warning, I haven't read the previous chapters.

I liked the officers feeling superior due to the way they get drunk.

After Jhuz sends the officers out, Zaisha and Ezlio stay, and one of them talks about Falcons.  It may be that it's obvious to someone who has read the previous chapters, but I didn't know who was speaking there.

After he starts talking with Zaisha, Jhuz "sat down on the air."  Is that a typo, or something I'm missing from earlier?

Other than that, I think it read very well.  Of course, I may be missing a huge tone shift or something -- how would I know?  Still, enjoyable on its own.

hubay:
Haha, Yeah, there's some bits you're missing out on. Namely, Jhuz can fly (that's how sits on the air).

I'm glad you liked the humor though, even if you didn't quite get what was going on. I must be doing something right if that carries across.

I can email you the older chapters if you want, though. You don't need to feel like you have to read them all or critique them, but it will help the rest of this makes sense, at least.

SkyhunterCommander:
This chapter was fun where the last chapter was cool. I'll second cjhuitt's sentiments about the officers getting drunk. It's a good way to calm things down after a tense battle. "Do cows have bacon?" is probably one of the funniest lines I've read in a long time.

The Chell also became more interesting when we learn about Jhuz's old teacher. I'm not sure why, maybe because it makes the more accessible, in a way. That they aren't just mysterious powerful creatures. It also humanizes them, which is good because all we've seen so far is them killing people. (unless there was other stuff going on with them in the chapters I haven't read).

I liked the Dombow. I've always enjoyed seeing technology advance in fantasy settings (gunpowder in Wheel of Time comes to mind). I'm not sure what else there is to say about it, other than that I want to see how it affects the world.

hubay:
Thanks for going through all those, Skyhunter. You gave some good feedback.

You asked earlier how the squiddies carried their familiars. The answer is they don't – part of the squid is grafted into their shoulder like the rest of the metsi. They do have to oil it up a lot so it doesn't get too dry, but otherwise it's no difference. At some point I'd like to explore and explain the grafting process better, but right now I'm focused on the plot.

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