Timewaster's Guide Archive

Hehe! I loved it!!!!!!!!!

Lots of !'s for you.

I liked the way you brought it into New York. So it's sort of a fantasy character (or species of character) in a setting we're all vaguely familiar with even if it's only in films etc. And also, putting in Katy Perry's song shows you're dealing with a modern audience.

Enjoyed the somewhat chatty feel to the language used.

Must admit, as has been said before, a lot did happen. You could almost have that one chapter as a whole short story, but not overly sure how you would seperate it....

Anyhow, that's me

This is another one I really like. A lot seems to happen so it doesn't give the reader much opportunity to get bored with what's happening at that precise moment.

Miranda certainly seems like an interesting character! Looking forward to reading the next bit (sat in the December 29 folder at the moment...)

Loved the varying opinions of the in-laws.

I also agree with the comments above that some lines were "LOL"-worthy. Like literally. And the realism of the in-party conversation was brilliant.

Looking forward to the next part

Apologies for lateness.

First of all, you have written my line of the year so far: "Bloody doctors. He’d never figured out why they had to poke at something before they fixed it. "

Love it.

Erm... what else.

A lot of your sentences seem very... short. Almost bullet pointish. I don't know if that's because of how I read things, or because I tend to write longer sentences, but I think there was an awful lot of very short sentences in there where maybe a comma would have done.

Also, I don't think we got overly far. The point of Jav and Darin being dead gets repeated a lot, which shows they are on their mind... but is the whole plot line going to be based around these two and their deaths?

Perhaps I'm getting easily confused, or I'm not reading it right. Any clarification would be brill?

It looks like this character isn't one who is going to be quiet!

I think there was a lot of names in this chapter.... and we don't really learn much. But then, I'm sure it gets made up for later on.

The ending is fantastic. Do not touch that at all. The fact Boone thinks he's got passed them all, and then suddenly there's another one is good. Makes you wonder if they knew he was in that tavern.

Apologies for lateness!

I liked it.By referring to the characters as just their numbers and giving very little detail about them other than that was interesting. Left me with a sense of being able to put my own face to these characters.

Though, you get to know a lot about what's going through his mind... even though you don't know what his mission actually is. The only thing that worries me is that how many people are meant to be in these 'companies' is... confusing. And also, why send off two people who are completely inexperienced in intel gathering off with one person who is... that is, if there is only 3 of them altogether. It just seems a little confusing.

The title... I loved. It meant you had no clue what you were getting into when you start to read the first page.

Do think that maybe giving us a hint about what the mission is/where it is they're going could be some useful information to maybe just put in briefly. I mean, it says about his mother flying... but it could be somewhere in the same country as she lives.

Anyway, hope that helps a little

Like funeral clothes?

Apologies, too, on the non-critting front these last two! Holidays = madness and far too much travelling around the country. Plus I've not had my laptop this last week. Planning catch up this week admist essay writing though!

If possible (I'm fully aware it's Sunday...) can I submit tomorrow please?

If not, just let me know, and will put it back til next week.