Superman Is Not Dead - We Were Just Kidding:
open with a funeral for Superman. Make sure the crowd has the following people in it:
-whoever played Batman in the most recent Batman film (hopefully it'll still be Christian Bale)
-Any other "secret identities" for superheroes that have recently had films, if not the heroes themselves
-the current president
-Perry White
-Lois Lane
-Jason White
-A cloaked Richard White
-Ma Kent
-Richard Pryor
-Marlon Brando (more voodoo may be necessary)
-Ray Davies
-Michael Stipe
-That guy from Three Doors Down
-John Williams
-Anyone else we think is cool and has written a song about Superman for pop culture consumption
-Lex Luthor
-Kristin Kreuk (Lana Lang in Smallville)
-Tom Welling
-Current Mayor of New York (who will play the mayor of Metropolis)
-Bo the Bartender
-Jimmy Olson
Make it touchy feely. Women in the audience should cry. Maybe we can use some Christopher Reeve footage to enable this.
Crime rate has escalated dramatically. Not much is working to stop it, even Lex Luthor's specially equiped "Team Luthor" (he's supposedly gone legit).
A team of newsboys assists someone break out of a Star Labs facillity. This person claims to be Superman but looks like a teenager. Maybe we'll get Tom Welling to play him, which would be awesometacular, i think. In which case, we'll have to dump him from the funeral. Oh well. This teen claims to be Superman.
An armored man with a big hammer helps save some people. He has a big S-Shield on his chest.
A big guy who looks a lot like superman kills off a would-be rapist. People aren't sure what to believe. He claims to be a Superman that has "seen the truth"
A man who looks exactly like Superman but with half a metal face shows up. He saves the president from an assassination attempt, thus not only does he claim to be Superman on a life-support mechanism, but the president backs this claim.
Lex Luthor makes another bid for power. Only the four new supermen are able to face down his Team Luthor troops.
The Man of Steel (the one in armor) leaves. As the others stand victorious, the Man of Tomorrow (the cybernetic one) turns on the one who killed the rapist, killing him. During the fight, he is revealed to be Metallo/Richard. He captures Superboy as well and starts destroying Metropolis, replacing it with a mechanical city. He enslaves and kills normal people.
Steel hears about it all and flies to the fortress of Solitude, having overheard something from Lex during that fight about it. He is looking for a way to help him fight Metallo. Instead he finds a chamber like the one in Superman II containing the body of Clark Kent. reviving Clark, he learns that the Man of Tomorrow had stolen his body before it was buried and brought him here. Unable to resurrect him, the MoT instead made a new body. Turns out the MoT was a semi-sentient agent grown inside the Fortress of Solitude -- a Kryptonian android, as it were. Clark is mostly healthy, but having been dead and not exposed to sunlight, he has no powers. Steel helps him into a power suit there in the Fortress and together they go to Metropolis.
Big fight. Metallo breaks open Clark's suit. Clark has absorbed just enough sunlight to survive, but he is unable to fight furhter. Metallo has Steel pinned, but not before his hammer is hurled and breaks open Superboy's prison. Superboy, with Clark's help, defeats Metallo.
Metallo's consciousness escapes (in a small robotic bit, it turns out he can restructure the machinery that encases him, which is what allowed him to imitate Superman). Steel decides to retire, now that Clark is getting his power back. Superboy accepts that he's not really superman and flies off to "find himself."
Clark, as clark, not superman, get's a kiss from Lois.