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Reading Excuses / Nov 9 - Recovering Cynic - Oathbound - Chp 1 Rewrite
« on: November 09, 2009, 05:44:56 AM »
Starting this for Cynic since I am so unbelievably speedy...
Okay, are you sitting down? Good. Here it goes. I like it. I actually did. Here is some questions for you though.
Who is this guy? Are you redoing your MC? If so, cool, but it does make me wonder what ever else you will be changing.... I guess I will have to read and find out. You don’t need it here, but you will be giving more of his background soon, yes? Because that is what I am reading for and expecting from the next chapter at this point.
Some complaints: I think you may have some more unnamed people (with the soldiers and the guard and the knight and everything else) then is feasible and your description goes a bit long at the beginning, making it harder to get into even if it was worth it by the end. Another minor gripe is that in all the guy's speach making, you never have anyone explain the exact logistical and practical reasons for their exile where as I would think this would be the perfect opportunity and avoid some of the confusion for a new reader. Also, the middle scene was a bit abrupt the way you ended it. It could easily be extended a bit and bring out more of the character of both parties.
I’m sending you my line edits, so I think that is about it.
Good luck.
Okay, are you sitting down? Good. Here it goes. I like it. I actually did. Here is some questions for you though.
Who is this guy? Are you redoing your MC? If so, cool, but it does make me wonder what ever else you will be changing.... I guess I will have to read and find out. You don’t need it here, but you will be giving more of his background soon, yes? Because that is what I am reading for and expecting from the next chapter at this point.
Some complaints: I think you may have some more unnamed people (with the soldiers and the guard and the knight and everything else) then is feasible and your description goes a bit long at the beginning, making it harder to get into even if it was worth it by the end. Another minor gripe is that in all the guy's speach making, you never have anyone explain the exact logistical and practical reasons for their exile where as I would think this would be the perfect opportunity and avoid some of the confusion for a new reader. Also, the middle scene was a bit abrupt the way you ended it. It could easily be extended a bit and bring out more of the character of both parties.
I’m sending you my line edits, so I think that is about it.
Good luck.