Hello
Thank you so much for the feedback, its good to finally have some concrete critique that I can work to fix. This is the first thing I have ever written that isnt an essay for university so I am trying to fumble my way forward! Everyone mentioned the PoV so I will start there. I always wanted this to be an ensemble peice and knew that there would be many changes in Pov but that the main protagonist by chapter 3 would take the lead. There are alot of changes in PoV that I have only come to realise since you mentioned it but I think with it being the first chapter I didnt want to focus on one character as they are not going to be the protagonist. Do you think this is workable. Chapter three will all be from one Pov. Is this too long to wait?
Longtime underdog: Wizard isnt may favourite word, makes me think harry potter or terry goodkind. I had a long struggle with how to define the magic weilders whether they should be know as the fidereus which is there title or if I should offer familiar words. Within the Basisilica there are wizards, mages, sorcerers, enchanters, conjureres and warlocks. Each is different as people weild power in different ways and they are defined by how their power works and so given one of the above titles. Do you think this is a good idea? or too cliche and perhaps i should look to take a different approach?
As for the 'telling' thank you! I have been sitting knowing something isnt right but unable to understand what it was was or how to fix it. Now I can see that there is so much potential for good dialogue and I lose alot of the unnecessary trimmings.
Akoebel: WOW I knew I wasa bit of a crazy on adjectives but I hadnt realised the love I have for adverbs. That id definately something I will go back and address so, thank you
Light years is quite a common term in this world, Anno comes from earth as it stands now so she is also familiar with the term and it will be commony used throughout the story. I have toyed with the idea of coining a word to describe the distance when they cross to new worlds but as of yet it hasnt come to me. The world Anno is on now although primitive in many ways is by choice. They defied industrialisation in favour of magic and religion, and they are the central world upon the hand of the gods. which will all unfold later. There will be some crossover too
Fireflyz: Indents, got it. I actually have no idea how I missed that since by default I normally indent paragraphs when writing Uni work. Again thank you for the feedback
There is going to be a prologue which will hopefully be dramatic and pull the reader in quickly although at the moment it is being a pain in my back -side! Again I completely get what your saying and will be going back and bringing in some entertaining dialogue and more emotion.
Halo6819: Thank you for the * tip I will bring that into force although I will be going through to see if I can whittle down a little of the PoV switches. Anno has been with Bran and Merin for three weeks now and Merin is a talker. He has told her alot about this world and although she has little memory of earth at this point everything since her arrival here is crystal clear. But thank you for pointing that out as I think I can clarify it all with some dialogue which will work well with other changes I am going to make
Right I am off to do some re-working and tuning.
xx