Regarding the "telly" nature of the prologue: Yeah, I have to admit, this section was written more as pre-writing for part of the story...one of those things where you write as you create the back story for the novel. I actually didn't realize how much it needed re-written until this review process (which has been INCREDIBLY helpful
). I've already got some ideas for it...jwdenzel, starting with "I want no bloody part of it" is a great idea...I'll experiment with that as well as fleshing out some of the back story throughout the rest of the prologue.
Regarding the dialogue: I completely agree that some of the dialogue is long-winded in places...again, one of those things where I was in "pre-writing" mode and developing the characters as I went along...when I was done with it, Thorn's character didn't really fit some of the "speeches" I gave him. During my re-write, I'll work on cleaning up the dialogue and making it more efficient and character driven rather than soap-box driven
.
Regarding the shift from Daba to Dalin: When I originally started writing, I knew the story would be about Daba (and still is), but I fell in love with the story of Dalin and ended up writing much more on it than I intended...the tricky thing is this...the entire prologue about Dalin is back story...it happens almost a thousand years before the actual novel and the main characters of the book. In fact, Daba (being one of three main characters in present time) doesn't come back in the story until his own chapter in chapter 5 (maybe a bit before that...but we'll see)...Chapters 1, 2, 3, and 4 follow completely different characters...at least, they seem that way...SO...all that to say, in my re-write, I will completely eliminate any mention of Daba and follow only Dalin and Thorn...should make the prologue more interesting...
Regarding the rushed ending: hehe...busted. I actually hadn't written the end of the prologue until I agreed to submit it this week. Then, I re-read it and found out, "Holy crap! I never finished this...." So, the ending was, in fact, rushed just like you suspected, Reaves
Regarding Jedediah News: Not really sure how I will address that in the re-write...I wasn't really going for any emotional impact for the reader...it was simply a way to introduce the threat of outsiders coming to Kalikhan...but now that you mention it, I'm going to have to address the question, "Do I want an emotional impact?" I'm concerned about fleshing it out too much...I don't want it to dominate the Prologue because it's really a minor point...but now that I think about it, if Dalin had not dealt with an outside enemy before, or this type of tragedy in Kalikhan, then it WOULD have to have a significant emotional impact on him, wouldn't it...hmmm...
Regarding the enemy and "skaggs": Actually, skaggs is a derogatory term used by Thorn...the enemy...well...that's one of those things that will remain a bit mysterious until a certain point...but don't worry...there will be no shortage of evil henchmen-type characters
Regarding 3rd person POV: I think the main reason 3rd person omniscient struggles for acceptance in novels is because it sounds like a children's tale...like a fable...sometimes, I think that works, but I honestly think 3rd person limited is more of what you'll see in the novel...with 3rd person omniscient in the Prologue(s)...little tidbit...the structure of my single novel now looks to have three parts (Books) and each "book" may have it's own "prologue" to it...each prologue written more in 3rd person omniscient...perhaps...I like the idea of a prologue sounding like a tale being told by a narrator to setup the chapters...
"And" or "But": Well...the official "rule" I remember is that if you know the rules, and you know what you're doing, you can break the rules. The danger is using it too much (actually, see "Finding Forrester" the movie)...which I may have done if you noticed it. Hmmm....worth reviewing...thanks! I usually just write whatever sounds good for the pace/feel...
Who to root for...Dalin or Thorn: Why not both...?
Keep the reviews coming! I've had so many break-through moments thanks to you guys it's not even funny. Really appreciate it...
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? And, to cap it all off...Goodkind is arrogant and full of himself to a fault...ugh...makes me cringe to read some of his personal stuff...things like his opinion that "You are either born a writer...or you are not..." - basically, he believes you are a writer at birth, or you just aren't a writer...you can learn to write "better"...but you'll never "learn to be a writer"...