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Reading Excuses / Re: ReadingExcuses-0124-fireflyz-WrittenInBlood-CH5CH6-VLS
« on: January 31, 2011, 06:40:56 PM »
Firstly i would like to say that overall the readability of your story is very high, in that the prose is clear and concise for the most part. two small things, i mentioned before the word chuckles, i saw it pop up a few times more and decided the reason i dont like it is because it is a "hard" word having both a "ch" and "ck". some times a laughed softly or small laugh or laughed under his breath may work better. Also i saw a few swifties: "Now he understands!" Eduardo exclaimed.
This may be a wrighting group-ism but i'm starting to want more info on the magic system, you have done a very good job setting up Venice and dropping small hints that this is a world that is very similar to, but not earth. I think we need to start seeing what makes this world so diffrent from ours. again though, this might just be because we have to wait a week between chapters.
This may be a wrighting group-ism but i'm starting to want more info on the magic system, you have done a very good job setting up Venice and dropping small hints that this is a world that is very similar to, but not earth. I think we need to start seeing what makes this world so diffrent from ours. again though, this might just be because we have to wait a week between chapters.