Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.


Messages - Frog

Pages: 1 ... 4 5 [6] 7 8 ... 39
76
Reading Excuses / Nov 9 - Recovering Cynic - Oathbound - Chp 1 Rewrite
« on: November 09, 2009, 05:44:56 AM »
Starting this for Cynic since I am so unbelievably speedy... :)

Okay, are you sitting down? Good. Here it goes. I like it. I actually did. Here is some questions for you though.

Who is this guy? Are you redoing your MC? If so, cool, but it does make me wonder what ever else you will be changing.... I guess I will have to read and find out. You don’t need it here, but you will be giving more of his background soon, yes? Because that is what I am reading for and expecting from the next chapter at this point.

Some complaints: I think you may have some more unnamed people (with the soldiers and the guard and the knight and everything else) then is feasible and your description goes a bit long at the beginning, making it harder to get into even if it was worth it by the end. Another minor gripe is that in all the guy's speach making, you never have anyone explain the exact logistical and practical reasons for their exile where as I would think this would be the perfect opportunity and avoid some of the confusion for a new reader. Also, the middle scene was a bit abrupt the way you ended it. It could easily be extended a bit and bring out more of the character of both parties.

I’m sending you my line edits, so I think that is about it.

Good luck. :)

77
Reading Excuses / Re: Nov. 9 - Frog - DR - Chp 1&6 Rewrite
« on: November 09, 2009, 03:58:33 AM »
Thank you! A lot of us (including me… alright fine, mostly me) get hard into critique mood so usually we just get edits (which is great, you know I need them) but it’s nice to get the good stuff too, even though I know this probably isn’t anything you would pick up on your own.

That’s a big concern for me right now, the confusion vs mystery factor. I am guessing I’ll be in my tenth or twentieth draft before I get it down at this point. Really I am afraid everything would be overly obvious if I do anymore than I have so I might need to cut Mordin completely before Aishia actually meets him to take out the confusion. I don’t want to, but he does tend to make life a bit more difficult (which is part of his job, but yeah). And no, you didn’t miss anything from his character. All the other stuff is from Aishia & Jin’s (the Djinni) POV and they are just barely getting to Kalum at this point.

To be honest Raven is a harder character for me to write for that very reason and I may be going a bit over the top. Problem with ages in fairy-tale land is most girls marry a lot younger so I have to make them act a bit older then a modern girl if you know what I mean.  Don’t worry though. Aishia at least is very modest. :P

Yes, please send over line-edits if you have them. I am terrible with grammar and always appreciate it.

78
Reading Excuses / Nov. 9 - Frog - DR - Chp 1&6 Rewrite
« on: November 09, 2009, 12:20:19 AM »
Voice all complaints here. Thanks all.

79
Writing Group / Re: Writing linearly -vs- jumping around
« on: November 08, 2009, 10:33:43 PM »
Quote from: lethalfalcon on November 08, 2009, 07:13:32 PM
She has better things to do than settle down and live "happily ever after".
Better is all relative. Knock the fairy tales too much and you will have a very disgruntled Frog on your hands. :P

Sounds good though. Good luck, and welcome to the group. (I say here so I don't have to post again in RE. I am extremely lazy like that.) I'll look forward to seeing what you come up with. :)

80
Writing Group / Re: Writing linearly -vs- jumping around
« on: November 08, 2009, 06:47:21 PM »
Well you are getting a lot of advice here and I don't know how helpful I can be with all the particulars of your problem but there is one thing that came to me is this: don't write scenes or conflicts that don't appeal to you.

When you write a book, you tell people what is interesting/exciting by how you handle it and if you are bored they will be too. Even if the subject is something they might have been interested in if handled differently.

If you try to write a romantic conflict and you don't like romance EVERYONE reading it will be able to tell and even (or rather especially) those that like romance will murder you for it. Or at the very least stop reading. So until you can find something you like and bring out in the scene (some type of conflict like Chaos laid out) that scene is not ready to see the light of day. You might as well just leave it out and skip to where things get 'good.'

After all, as for your example, we've seen enough magical schools and the like that no one is going to be interested in reading about a completely lifeless one so until you think of something that interests you at the very least, you might as well just come in with: A year later, our hero was feeling ready to face any conflict and...

:P

81
Writing Group / Re: NaNoWriMo?
« on: November 08, 2009, 05:35:09 PM »
Wow, I love Levine. I guess that means I actually have to write since she is telling me to and all.... :P

82
Rants and Stuff / Re: Final Elections for the New Hero of Ages
« on: November 06, 2009, 11:12:30 PM »
Wow. I'm one powerful frog.  :o

83
Rants and Stuff / Re: Final Elections for the New Hero of Ages
« on: November 06, 2009, 10:45:23 PM »
I didn't do it! I just voted after the fact!

84
Reading Excuses / Re: Email List + Submission Dates
« on: November 06, 2009, 04:57:27 PM »
Yep. Now you can complain away about the lack of submits in any given week.  :D

I should catch up on Flo's soon too. I keep meaning to...

85
Writing Group / Re: NaNoWriMo?
« on: November 06, 2009, 06:15:18 AM »
I may have too much ADD too be a good Nano participant. I keep jumping back and forth between two stories. I am only counting the words of the one, but I have trouble getting past 1,000 a day even in the best of times and now it is divided by two because I can't focus.
Oh well at least they are both growing. Very, very slowly.

:P

86
Reading Excuses / Re: Your Background
« on: November 06, 2009, 06:11:09 AM »
Quote from: sortitus on November 06, 2009, 06:04:24 AM
You cannot withdraw, or I will follow and bore you with my inane drivel FOR ETERNITY.
Of the three, that's the only one that is truly frightening. But then you didn't even ask them a question....

87
Reading Excuses / Re: Your Background
« on: November 05, 2009, 08:10:21 PM »
That sounds like fun. I'll look forward to seeing it.

*tries desperately to get off shiney internet and keep typing*

88
Reading Excuses / Re: Your Background
« on: November 05, 2009, 05:49:07 PM »
*hugs*

Welcome!

89
Reading Excuses / Re: Email List + Submission Dates
« on: November 05, 2009, 03:31:00 AM »
Signing up for Monday. Not because I have anything all that good yet, but I am tired of staring at it and I figure I'd like to add some company to my misery. :P

90
Reading Excuses / Re: November 2nd -LongTimeUnderdog - The Name of God, Chapter 3
« on: November 04, 2009, 09:24:46 PM »
Really? I can think of several books were that was the case. Salvador... Jordan... certain characters in the little I've read of Goodkind.... Yeah, enough that I wouldn't find an overly sexual female run society 'fresh' and enough to know that I don't care for them. It wouldn't be a complete deal breaker as I said but if these as main characters I am supposed to sympathize with, I would still want hints that there was something more to them then that established part of their characters, though this may all be a matter of personal taste.

Pages: 1 ... 4 5 [6] 7 8 ... 39