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Reading Excuses / Re: 25 Jan 2010 - ryos - To Wish Upon a Dragon
« on: January 31, 2010, 07:58:37 PM »
Well, I guess what I was suggesting is that the speaker should figure out on his own (rather than being told) that the dragon has affected these major events in his life.
The following is an example of the dialogue that makes this story feel moralistic, cautionary tale-ish:
"Look at the place where you live, mortal! Have you not been paying attention? Bad things happen, everywhere, to everyone! You live in a crucible. Its heat shapes you, and either it destroys your impurities or it destroys you. I can't stop it; I can only shift the bad around so it doesn't hurt as much. You should accept your place, and what you have been given."
My thought is that, by leaving this kind of dialogue/narrative out, you are giving the reader something to think about (rather than telling them him what to think about).
And then my thought is that you should end on a concrete note (ie. my suggestion of ending with the image of the dragon's tail wrapped around the speaker's granddaughter's neck), and toss out the sentimental narration (as below):
"Was it a sick man's hallucination? Was the dragon ever real?
Would I trade the life I have lived for one without the gifts the dragon gave me, and without the damage it did?
I still don't have an answer. More importantly, I can't answer for you. I'm writing this to warn you, for I doubt the dragon will. Know that if you wish upon a dragon, there will come a balance due. Make your choice in light of the knowledge that you are but trading one ill for another.
Thank you for a wonderful life. I love you all, and hope that, whatever you choose, you can find peace."
The following is an example of the dialogue that makes this story feel moralistic, cautionary tale-ish:
"Look at the place where you live, mortal! Have you not been paying attention? Bad things happen, everywhere, to everyone! You live in a crucible. Its heat shapes you, and either it destroys your impurities or it destroys you. I can't stop it; I can only shift the bad around so it doesn't hurt as much. You should accept your place, and what you have been given."
My thought is that, by leaving this kind of dialogue/narrative out, you are giving the reader something to think about (rather than telling them him what to think about).
And then my thought is that you should end on a concrete note (ie. my suggestion of ending with the image of the dragon's tail wrapped around the speaker's granddaughter's neck), and toss out the sentimental narration (as below):
"Was it a sick man's hallucination? Was the dragon ever real?
Would I trade the life I have lived for one without the gifts the dragon gave me, and without the damage it did?
I still don't have an answer. More importantly, I can't answer for you. I'm writing this to warn you, for I doubt the dragon will. Know that if you wish upon a dragon, there will come a balance due. Make your choice in light of the knowledge that you are but trading one ill for another.
Thank you for a wonderful life. I love you all, and hope that, whatever you choose, you can find peace."