Timewaster's Guide Archive

The change of POV needs to have something to mark it. I was confused when the perspectives shifted.

Also, I don't know if my mind wasn't processing everything I read or not, but I had no idea where all the other kids came from. We start off with Lias, then when I think his sister is showing up suddenly Jordan, Holly, and another girl are there. I had no idea who these people were and what made them different from each other.

You have to get rid of your fascination with beheading. Unless that's the only way werewolves can be killed, I was a bit put off that the first two werewolves were decapitated.

And I agree with the person above; all of the pronouns made it hard to know who was saying what. When I stopped to re-read the sentences, I think I figured out who said what, but I don't want to re-read each sentence.


The Jordan and Lias people seemed to come from a more modern world, with the word principal being used, but they didn't seem very surprised when the guy with the sword showed up. And if the weapons(I think they were called relics) they grabbed off the walls really were relics, I don't think they would have thought so quickly and casually to use them.

Hmmm. Can't think of anything more to say. Good idea for a story so far, but it needs a lot of polishing and character development and all that mushy goodness.




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And I think the “They wouldn't be they, would it?” that Necro pointed out should have been "That wouldn't be them, would it?"

The story is interesting so far, but I don't see how "Crashers" could destroy technologies like telekinesis and teleportation. I also don't see how teleportation could be given to everyone and for that matter I don't see how telekinesis would be a technology either.

I was a bit surprised when the priest pulled out a pocket watch towards the end, as for some reason I was under the impression that the time setting was earlier.

Also, the priest said a lot of stuff that people wouldn't normally voice out loud. For example, when he was talking about the wire they had used to cut the prisoner's body, people would normally picture it all in their head instead of describing it to the person who experienced it.

And the two religions haven't  separated themselves in my mind yet. When they were both named in one sentence I couldn't tell/remember which was which.

Or maybe she was just being sarcastic.

I totally agree with the separate threads thing, but would it be one thread per author, one thread per chapter, or in the case of short stories, one thread per short story? I personally think it should be one thread per book or short story. So if you're a short story author, you will have multiple threads. If you're writing a book, you will only have one thread and you will be able to look through to see if problems are still the same from chapter to chapter. (There would have to be a clear way to see which chapter is being commented on, of course.)

Another question: How many people we are supposed to send the story out to? I would assume that we send it to everyone who has put their email up. Right now the number of people who would critique the story is 8 (Raethe hasn't added AvalonCreamCorn yet). I don't know how large writing groups normally are, but I would assume 9 is okay, but pushing  the limit.


And yet another question, but this time not very relevant: How many of you guys actually have the same emailaddress as your username, or did you create another account so wouldn't get spammed?

A speed painting? Dang....  I didn't imagine Luthadel looking that way, but Kredik Shaw and the ash mountain as well as the red sky... amazing.

I will join as well, but I probably won't write stuff to submit until after NaNoWriMo is over.

someone needs to mark this as spoilers for those who haven't read warbreaker yet