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Writing Group / Re: Writing Prompts!
« on: December 17, 2010, 09:29:50 PM »
A good exercise, thanks Brandon! Here is my piece (could be part of a scene from a novel). English isn't my first language, but I wanted to try it anyway 
THE DRIFTERS
by Mario Zakall
(436 words)
“I just can’t believe they kicked you out of the door…”
“I. I can not…”
“For no good reason…”
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I…”
“Come on, there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re good. They’re just out of their goddamn minds.”
“And now…”
“Now what can you do?”
“What can I do? I, I mean… how do I look after Carrie now? Oh Christ…”
“That’s what I mean. You can’t support her and you can’t support yourself for much longer.”
“I can’t…”
“No.”
“And… and I can not find a new job so fast. Oh Christ, help me…”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll buy you another drink…”
“No, thank you. I… I’ve had enough for now.”
“Alright, maybe later. You know what?”
“What?”
“Someone should pay them back.”
“Pay them back?”
“Yeah. Someone should really hurt ‘em.”
“But… I mean… how?”
“We should rob the office.”
“W- What?”
“That’s what I mean. We should rob the damn office, steal the super secret documents they’ve got there and sell them to the competition. That would be justice, you know what I mean?”
“Yes. But…”
“What?”
“It’s… it is a crime.”
“That’s right, it’s a crime. You’re right, Will. It also brings us some green. A lot of green.”
“You mean it would be lucrative?”
“Oh yeah. It can be.”
“Do you really want to do this?”
“I was thinkin’ about it, yeah. You know. As an idea…”
“As an idea…”
“Yeah.”
“What could you get for them? I mean, what could you get for the documents?”
“For the documents? Sixty thousand bucks, maybe more.”
“Sixty…”
“Sixty thousand. That’s right. We’ll sell them to a guy named Mitchell. He’s got a business on Korvan I.”
“You are really going to do this…”
“That’s right.”
“But… I mean…”
“Watch this…”
“Oh my God… How did you do that?”
“I just moved back and forth. You just couldn’t see me do it, ‘cause…”
“You are a Drifter, Seth? You… are a Drifter?”
“Afraid so.”
“So… that is how you are going to rob the place?”
“Pretty much, yeah. No one sees me comin’. I’ll just go straight through the walls, right to the…”
“Why do you want to risk a robbery?”
“It’s not my first. Plus, it’s very safe.”
“Not, not your first…”
“But first of all, I’ll do it for you and Carrie. You’re my cousin, Will. I can’t just sit there and watch you go down like this.”
“But… why do you tell me about this beforehand?”
“Cause we still need a pilot…”
“You need… I… Now I think I need a drink.”
“There you go!”
THE DRIFTERS
by Mario Zakall
(436 words)
“I just can’t believe they kicked you out of the door…”
“I. I can not…”
“For no good reason…”
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I…”
“Come on, there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re good. They’re just out of their goddamn minds.”
“And now…”
“Now what can you do?”
“What can I do? I, I mean… how do I look after Carrie now? Oh Christ…”
“That’s what I mean. You can’t support her and you can’t support yourself for much longer.”
“I can’t…”
“No.”
“And… and I can not find a new job so fast. Oh Christ, help me…”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll buy you another drink…”
“No, thank you. I… I’ve had enough for now.”
“Alright, maybe later. You know what?”
“What?”
“Someone should pay them back.”
“Pay them back?”
“Yeah. Someone should really hurt ‘em.”
“But… I mean… how?”
“We should rob the office.”
“W- What?”
“That’s what I mean. We should rob the damn office, steal the super secret documents they’ve got there and sell them to the competition. That would be justice, you know what I mean?”
“Yes. But…”
“What?”
“It’s… it is a crime.”
“That’s right, it’s a crime. You’re right, Will. It also brings us some green. A lot of green.”
“You mean it would be lucrative?”
“Oh yeah. It can be.”
“Do you really want to do this?”
“I was thinkin’ about it, yeah. You know. As an idea…”
“As an idea…”
“Yeah.”
“What could you get for them? I mean, what could you get for the documents?”
“For the documents? Sixty thousand bucks, maybe more.”
“Sixty…”
“Sixty thousand. That’s right. We’ll sell them to a guy named Mitchell. He’s got a business on Korvan I.”
“You are really going to do this…”
“That’s right.”
“But… I mean…”
“Watch this…”
“Oh my God… How did you do that?”
“I just moved back and forth. You just couldn’t see me do it, ‘cause…”
“You are a Drifter, Seth? You… are a Drifter?”
“Afraid so.”
“So… that is how you are going to rob the place?”
“Pretty much, yeah. No one sees me comin’. I’ll just go straight through the walls, right to the…”
“Why do you want to risk a robbery?”
“It’s not my first. Plus, it’s very safe.”
“Not, not your first…”
“But first of all, I’ll do it for you and Carrie. You’re my cousin, Will. I can’t just sit there and watch you go down like this.”
“But… why do you tell me about this beforehand?”
“Cause we still need a pilot…”
“You need… I… Now I think I need a drink.”
“There you go!”