The dialogue of the piece sounds like something out of a b-movie anime. And if I were to describe the entirety of the whole thing, anime would be the word I think does the best job. Angels shacking up with Demons, God being the bad guy and demons the good guys, humans being caught up in the middle of it, reads like very amateur emo/goth fantasy. Combine that with "throwing demon energy" and you sound like something I read in passing over some 14 year old girls shoulder or found on the internet as a back story to some lousy piece of original manga art someone did (who was also a 14 year old girl).
As far as the characters are concerned, they read as generic (see above). Our hero did a term with the "bad guys," and finds out their the "good guys" and better behaved then the people who are supposed to be the "good guys." God comes off as the usual dictator handing out wet work for cover ups. Expelling people from heaven for "thinking differently." And while these are real world theories, if you're actually going along with them then you sound preachy. If you're not then you sound like you asked a 14 year old anime nerd girl to come up with a plot involving angels and demons. I think I've read this about 30 times in my life between the ages 18 - 19.
The prose are good, they flow well. I get a great sense of action when the guy attacks God, but in the end the re re re re re hashed dialogue from bad b-movie anime ("How Dare you . . .") gives me glossy eyes and makes me care for the piece and the characters about as much as I would care for a knife wound. It's just not that interesting.
And as a side, this has a ring of "I just played Bayonetta and got a great idea," if you're looking for something recent that sounds an awful lot like this (including the three kingdoms).
The second Iliere part has some rather anti-climatic parts as well. For example, the opening line of that, when he sees the smoldering house and starts to worry. Starts to worry about what? I mean, if I saw something that looked like my house was on fire, there would be a dead run with lots of screaming and being really mad and praying my wife and daughter were NOT home when that happened. Instead we read what sounds like him noticing the smoke, thinking "oh, that's too bad, I hope its not mine," and then when he sees that it's his he's about as shocked (i know you said white hot rage, but the piece doesn't read like white hot rage) as a dead battery. His emotional detachment (prevalent throughout the piece) is our emotional detachment.
Speaking of emotional detachment. Sure, I'd be pretty cheesed if someone had me up on false charges, yeah. But he's just kind of annoyed, and giving himself up that he's going to be exhiled. And then, for whatever reason, he decides to make a shot at killing the guy. The "Action" just seems a bit thrown in there for the "I want action to grip my readers," of it instead of character building reasons, or emotional reasons, it just seems unmotivated to me.
Besides that, out of all the archangels and God that are there, when this dude is powering up (and yes I totally had a DBZ image in my head) why do they call the weak, red-shirt guards in when I would suspect that any one of the aforementioned archangels would have a much better chance of success. Or why, if he's powering up, doesn't anyone just throw a big rock at him, or a spear, or a knife? That would stop him, for sure.
Which brings us to the next point, setting.
There isn't much setting here. Okay he's on trial in Heaven. We get, near the end of the action, that there is a gold dome. Yay. But we discover that when the red-shirt . . . I mean guard . . . gets thrown into it. When did the guards appear again?
This prologue does get right into the meat of the issue, but at the same time it's a very dry meat. No spices, no sides, just thin, dry, meat. At least baste it for us.
What's sad is that the opening line is really good. It reminds me a lot of how Elantris opened. It had some good first lines. Really good first lines. So does this story. And as soon as that line is over nothing lives up to it. Perhaps if you hadn't opened with something so awesome the rest of the piece might have stood a chance. But compared to that one awesome sauce line, the rest of the piece is just . . . . bland.