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Reading Excuses / Re: 02-22-09 Revast: The Well of Creation - Chapter Two
« on: March 04, 2009, 06:33:17 AM »Quote
**It’s over, they’ve found me. This is how it will end, devoured by bloodsuckers. **
I thought the bloodsuckers were those five guys tracking Lightfoot through the woods? Maybe I'm just confused on that
Maybe I was to cryptic with the nightmare. The men in the dream were supposed to be the five men that chased Lightfoot through the woods. I tried to describe their wounds that killed them just like the five men that died (the guy that fell over water fall is a crushed mess, the guy who fell in the stake pit has wooden stakes protruding from him, the Giant (even called him a giant in the dream) has a single massive wound in his gut from a sword. The fourth man has one arrow in his eye (just like the first chapter) and the second has two arrows in his chest (just like the first chapter).
Did this not come across? Any suggestions how I could make it come across?
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Bruav's character seemed a bit inconsistent with the selfish, generally mean picture you left us with in the prologue. I know you mentioned that the events of the prologue actually took place after the events of the main story, so maybe Bruav's character will change?
Yes, to some extent Brauv's character will change due to some choices he must make, and the magnitude of what he becomes involved in presses upon him. However part of what is happening in this chapter is that this place just really disturbs the warriors. They don't like to be reminded of what selfish bastards they really are.
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For me the first third and the last third of the chapter was the most interesting. I wasn't really intrigued at all about the march through the gauntlet. I didn't understand why these women were all forced to live like rats. Also, why weren't the sick, old, and infirm men or small children living with them too? I would reconsider that little bit of your world.
If I somehow explain how the clan works better earlier in the chapter will this be as much of a problem? ie. the women live like rats because they were cast our when they were old and have few options available to them. There are no old men and children due to what i said in my previous post. Could you find yourself believing this society more?