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Pek's Tale, Ch. 1

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stacer:
I like long sentences, too, but some of yours might be able to be improved, I think. More about that tonight.

... And maybe it's just because most of what I read is written below the 8th grade level....  :D

The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers:
yeah, but I'm stubborn. You'll probably convince me, though, at least on most of them. I'm hardly so vain as to think it all comes out right the first time.

Fellfrosch:
Dangit--all of my comments have already been made. Plus I think I'm getting sick. Oh well, I'll look for you all at 8.

The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers:
oh, i was also goign to mention their mysogyny
when I started this, I had NO idea of what themes were going to come up later in the book.
Well, that's not accurate, I did, but I didn't realize it was going to go the way it did for a long time. This was less to be about women then just standard medieval boys teasing. But while it's not specifically about how they act with women (though that does come up) it's going to fit in well with the main theme.

Lieutenant Kije:
I'm late late late.  Sorry.

So, anyways.  Chapter 1:

--- Quote ---Is it boring? Does it need more action?  
is it easy to follow?
How's the pacing?
Does the "accent" of Westlanders (expressed by saying "ya" and "yer" instead of "you" and "Your") get annoying? (the abbreviated forms of words get used less later, which form is better?)
--- End quote ---

No, no.
Yes.
Seemed to me just fine.
Not yet.


--- Quote ---Does the first bit get you interested?
Is there too much exposition?
Are the descriptions of people too sudden or gratuitous?
Do I gloss over the details of the action and describe too much?
Are the hints about sinister things to come too vague, just right, or too obvious?
--- End quote ---

Yes.
Not at all.
I didn't notice.
Again, not something I noticed, so it's fine with me.
Sinister things: conflict between boys and laird/bullies.  Ambiguous conflict with "darkbrood."  You don't droip any huge details about how these coflicts will take shape, though, so it's not obvious.  It is detailed enough to spell out in the most basic of terms, (as I did above,) and for the first chapter of a book that's fine, I think.

Overall, I found I got caught up into the story quite nicely, and for a bit forgot I was reading as I was easily able to visualize what was going on.  And I did find myself understanding the conflict with the laird and empathising.  Maybe that has something to do with the fact that I had just been thinking about the movie Rob Roy (with Liam Neeson) right before I started reading.

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